Sitting in deadlock traffic, something I do twice a day in order to pay the mortgage, my brain started to trigger some funny memories about my brother Michael. So I started to wonder about something....
The other day I realized I had 12 voicemail messages saved on my phone. I wonder if one of them was from him? He was known for leaving epic messages that sometimes were so long that he would get cut off-only to call back and pick up where he left off. In a day and age where we think just calling and seeing your name and number left on the call log is good enough to warrant a return call; my brother would leave long and often meaningless messages. From random inventions, to movie or song ideas, to things his daughter said-my brother left messages.
So I enter my pass code and start to listen back to the messages that were important enough to have been saved on my phone. My friend rapping. Two messages from artists who called me to thank me for playing their songs on one of my radio stations. My actor friend leaving me what I think is a drunk message, but I saved anyway just to possibly embarrass her later. A few others that then got deleted.
As my hopes were at their highest and my longing to hear my brother's deep voice increased...it happened. A 15 month old happy birthday message from my brother and his daughter. As I listened to the words, while sitting in stopped traffic, with tears rolling down my face (much like they are right now) I heard my brothers voice for the first time since March. Sad. Happy. Reassuring. Thankful. Angry. Peaceful. Every damn emotion rolled into one moment as I tried to collect myself; realizing I need to be at work in 10 minutes and I needed to stop before I got to the office. It's not a tuff guy thing. I would just rather not have to explain it to people or have to lie about why my eyes were puffy. "Oh yeah, umm allergies. Sure".
Since his death, I have tried hard not to be down on myself for not taking his calls and letting him go to voicemail. The day before he passed, he called and I didn't answer. He left a message that I deleted an hour after he left it. For once I am happy I did put him to voicemail, because now I have something saved that I can replay whenever the feeling hits me and I need to hear his voice. It's not a lot, but it will do.
Leave messages. Long, crazy, meaningless and possible blackmail fodder messages. Don't be so disconnected from life and people that you allow a missed call on a phone log serve as a message to call you back. We are becoming a less and less personally and emotionally connected world and we dont realize the potential impact or meaning of something like a simple voicemail message. A card is nice and better than nothing. A text, facebook comment or email often comes off cold. Outside of a physical encounter, the sound of a persons voice is still the best way to convey a message.
Leave a message.
Better yet, pick up the phone when someone calls.
