Anytime you scroll through your Facebook news feed, one or many of your friends are pissed off about something. It doesn't matter if it's political or just a comment on something they saw that day; people use these soundboards and soundboards like it to express their feelings to the world. The often do this to get consensus from others in their pursuit to be right. Some of you agree with and some make you want to unfriend them. Some you want to unfriend, but you secretly enjoy the drama. Don’t lie!
You cannot be offended unless you want to be offended. Many of us walk around waiting for someone or something to set us off so that we can feel the emotion of anger. Not only feel it, but share it with everyone willing to read or listen. People often want to have their own personal mob of people to agree with their feelings and help carry the "I'm offended and I want to be mad" torch.
At the end of the day, we are a generation of big sissy babies. In so many ways we are desensitized by the world. We are hardened and scarred by the bombardment of messages. Yet, for everyone, there's something (or a few things) that we just can't get passed without making a comment about it. We have to make a stink or act offended. For what?
I'm not saying we shouldn't be passionate. The world needs healthy and passionate influencers. I'm just saying that some of us walk around locked and loaded, ready to be offended. "Oh please post a political meme so I can be mad at it". Why? There are those who post or say things in an attempt to engage with someone who will hopefully offend them. They want to be set off by something or flex their knowledge on a subject or topic in an attempt to convince everyone you know that your opinion is better and they just need to conform or risk attack and possibly, even worse, being "unlinked" on Facebook. Why?
I have friends and social media connections that stir the pot and I enjoy watching, regardless if I agree or disagree. I don't comment because I don't really care to. I read it. I process it. I move on. Honestly, I'd rather like a picture of your kids or your status about going to the gym, then to engage in a petty game of “one-upmanship” on your Facebook wall. I want to celebrate our differences and not try to convince you that you are wrong. If we want to exchange words of disagreement or conflicting feelings, let's do it on the phone or in person. If you are someone who cannot access me personally or on the phone, then do we really need to argue? I don’t surround myself with idiots, nor do I choose to argue with them.
I want you to be different than me. I don’t want to surround myself with people that share all of the same ideas. When you read my blogs or my book, you should disagree with some of the things you read. It’s healthy to have a creative environment that allows different ideas and opinions to grow. I don't want to change you, I want to inspire you. Challenge ideas, don’t fight them. I don't want to be sold or marketed to. I don't need my buttons pushed for entertainment purposes. I don't want to be pissed off. I just want to be inspired.
Inspire me.
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#pullthetrigger
March 18th 2013 my brother Michael fell asleep and died.
A year of traditions, holidays and random days without him all checked off and acknowledged. Each day serving as a stepping stone or checkpoint towards getting us closer and passed the anniversary of his death. Getting through and getting passed has been somewhat of a mantra for me this year as I know that the first round of these days will potentially get easier in the years to come. Supposedly time heals pain.
A year of reflection and honoring my brother the way we probably should honor each other in life and not just in death. A year of grabbing the phone to text or call him to share something funny or relay a story that only Michael would be able to appreciate or relate to. A year of laughing to myself when I hear something that he would love to hear, knowing that the story or joke starts and ends with me because nobody else would understand. A year of sadness attached to that internal laugh. A year of knowing that the only other person that knows the details to a story that we both lived is dead and because of that, many of those stories will die too. A year of being lonely and longing for brotherhood. A year of missing his calls reminding me that my sister is "a fucking genius" (something he would say after he argued with her). A year of having to pause a movie because he had a knack for calling just as it starts. A year of hearing songs and having them influence me emotionally because of a memory attached to that song or the lyrics apply to my brother in some way. A year without the stress and sometimes anger that comes with being Michael's brother.
A year of feeling pity from others. A year of having to answer the question of "how many brother and sisters do you have" with the shortest answer possible in an effort to keep from bringing the room down about having 2 dead brothers. A year of trying to find humor in it all, without coming across as jaded, scarred or emotionally disconnected. A year of reestablishing relationships with people who came back into my life because of Michael's death. A year of learning new things about my brother, through the stories told by others.
The days. He didn't call on either of the kid's birthdays, my birthday or any holiday this year. No call to reminder me to sing the "Valentine's day song" to mom. No call in November to remind me that today would have been Jimmy's birthday. St. Patrick's Day marks the last time I heard his voice, a voicemail left early in the morning that I deleted after hearing, not knowing that this would have been the last time I would have ever had a chance to talk to him. When you lose those days and moments in your life, you start to realize how much you should have appreciated them. Reflection and hind sight is a bitch sometimes, ain't it?
I spent the past year trying to dig a little deeper into who I am. I spent the year trying to help heal myself and the others around me. A year of trying to apply a fresh perspective on what really matters in life and what things are real. A year of being desensitized about some things in life, but hyper sensitive to other events. I wrote a book. Established a stronger relationship with my niece. I saw the best in some people. Became more honest and made fewer excuses for who I am. I allowed the honest and beautiful things about my brother effect me in a positive way and spent less time beating myself up about things beyond my control.
Even though March 18th will go down as one of the worst days of my life and the following 12 months were beyond difficult, I do believe that I spent my time wisely and productively. No amount of gained knowledge, appreciation or reflection is worth the price of a life and the toll that the loss took on my family and friends, but I can honestly say that I didn't squander my time because of it. Being down sucks and I prefer to raise my hands and fight back. I appreciate my life and the people in it and I enjoy and celebrate my experiences and new stories with more enthusiasm than before.
Here comes round 2. Ring the bell.
Listen to the podcast version here:
I almost always tip 20%.
Even with mediocre or average service, you still get 20% from me. There have only been a few moments in my life where I haven't tipped at all, but those events were justified by the level of terrible service. Even I have my limits! Why always 20%? Because it's easy math.
This may come as a big surprise to my mother, but I had a few beers before my 21st birthday! What!? Yes, I am a terrible person! When finding and keeping an over the age person to buy you beer, it's necessary to tip that person. If he buys you a 12 pack, you throw in enough extra money so that he can buy a 6 pack for himself. It's the right thing to do. When I was of age, girls would offer to make out with me for my beer purchasing services. I'd pass because no amount of emotionless make out sessions made it worth having to buy 6 different flavors of fruity girl drinks. I was never that hard up for female attention. What if my friends saw me? If I was going to risk my street cred, I was going to need to be compensated financially or at least be able to add a 6 pack of beer to the shopping cart filled with names like "passion fruit" and "mango pineapple". Besides, the girl you wanted to make out with in the group was never the one that was willing to smooch you for making the purchase. If there are girls that are reading this and have never heard if these practices, you went to a lame college or you never did anything "cool" in high school.
Ok, I got off subject a little, but it was fun!
People don't tip or give back like they used to. Yes, tipping is still very customary in the financial transactional world, but "tipping" in life is a lost art. Sending thank you cards is a form of tipping. Returning the favor is tipping. Giving your time is tipping. Being there for someone even when they say they don't need you is tipping. Being there when you said you would and going beyond the expectation is tipping. People don't "life tip" like they used to. The phrase "forever in your debt" doesn't hold the same amount of meaning as it used to. How often do you really mean it when you offer your support? Is it just lip service? Are you tipping or just going through the motions.
I bet if you weighed your offerings to people against the amount of times you followed though or meant it, you would be surprised to see how much of it was meant and how much of it was said for the sake of saying. Look, we all do it to some extent. In the past year, I have actually only offered my time, services or money when I truly meant it. I wanted my offerings to matter and be real. Not keeping score in life, but I saw and heard a lot of false or lip service offerings from people after my brother passed away. If you are reading this and feeling guilty, know that I am not keeping score or harboring anger or hate in my heart because of it. People say what they feel they need to say because they don't always know what else to say. I never want to feel indebted to anyone, so as far as our relationship goes, we are square. No worries.
Not everyone is like me. Trust me, it's often a challenge for me to think this way and stay true to my beliefs. If you are able to offer, give back or pay it forward in life without hesitation, then continue to be that person. Keep tipping. Be as selfless as you can be! Say the right thing as you do the right thing. Stay golden Ponyboy! (Who caught that?) If you are saying things, knowing you will back out and not "life tip", then don't. If you are a selfish person, it's pretty liberating. Telling the server at the restaurant that you will come back and tip them sometime in the future, instead of today, and never showing up to their place of business again is the equivalent to offering up your time or services and doing so knowing you have no intentions to pay up.
Don't life tip out of obligation, but rather from a place of passion and love. Be human. Be real. Pay your "bill" to others and give the extra 20% knowing that it's the right thing to do.
Some great quotes on my book Pull The Trigger.
"You'll find yourself picking this book up, opening it up just about anywhere. Always a quick lesson and a friendly reminder".
"Pull the Trigger does an excellent job of teaching you the concepts you need to succeed in business and in life and the author skillfully presents the material in the form of anecdotal stories and witty examples that make the book an enjoyable read".
"The author teaches you to enjoy the triumphs, learn from the failures and get back up and take another punch from life when tragedy strikes - and even how to take satisfaction from tragedy by rebounding back from adversity and resisting the temptation to fall into the trap of self-pity".
"Buy this book, do what he says, and stop being a D-Bag".
"After purchasing the eBook I decided to purchase 5 copies of the paperback and give some to friends and employees. A great read... and a better gift".
"A wide variety of personal life experiences that will lead the reader to laugh out loud one minute and wipe away tears the next".
"A book for everyone".
100% of the money made from this book is being put into a college fund for my niece, my departed brother's daughter. Thanks to all who have picked it up already and for those who soon will! #pullthetrigger.
Buy it on amazon here: (copy and paste the link)
http://www.amazon.com/Pull-Trigger-Career-being-D-Bag/dp/1495466035/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1393772444&sr=1-1&keywords=pull+the+trigger
Things that you used to lose sleep over or worry about, you now find to be so trivial and lame. You can't roll your eyes and discount others as they experience those same things and react how you used to react. You tell them that everything will be fine or this too shall pass, but nobody believes you no matter how old or wise you are perceived to be by others.
When I was a kid, my mom used to call me "Nervous Norman". I used to worry about a lot of things and most of them were things that were beyond my control. My stomach would get tied up in knots and I would pace the floor worrying about things as if they were the end all be all. I say "things" because here I am in my late 30s and I can't recall exactly what those things were! That's the funny thing about things.
Most of the things probably revolved around moments that I signed myself up for. Things that I brought upon myself and events that I could have easily avoided had I just not volunteered or competed. Girls I decided to like or be in love with. Sports I decided to play and competitions I decided to enter. All just things that caused self inflicted stress and anticipation.
As you get older, you sign up for things that are a part or an extension of your career or charitable things because you want to be a good person and you assume you have the time and energy. You coach a little league team, Girl Scouts, join PTA, the company softball team, etc. all things that take time and eventually add stress to your life. Hell, blogging is voluntary and it wasn't till I turned it into a book did it become anything more than just a thing I did. Turning it into something made it stressful. Screwing around and writing my thoughts for the internet to read, not so much.
Those things you do mean something. They add up to bigger things. Things that open up doors of opportunity and experience. Things that allow you to be influenced or give you a venue to influence others. These things challenge you and often push you outside of your comfort zone. These things create scars of experience and make it easier to get back up, having been influenced by something that eventually makes you better.
Do things. Do more things. Do the stuff that makes you sick to your stomach. Things that scare the shit out of you. Things that start out as impossible or ridiculous, but result in being the most rewarding. When you look back at all the things you have done in your life, it's pretty amazing. (I wrote a book. I still cant believe I wrote a book. It's not the best book or the most perfect book, but I wrote it). Do things that make you pinch yourself or that the 12 year old version of you would never believe. Prove your younger self wrong and do things that would amaze your exes and make them hate that they ever dumped you.
Do some things. Lots of things. Pick some things and do them. Getting started is stressful, but the open doors and experience that comes with these things is pretty awesome.
Even the dumb shit things.
