I showed up for college more than a week before the rest of the school was required to check in. Not because I wanted to get a good head start on my college education, but because I was in the marching band.

 Now before you start making all the band geek jokes or tease me about "this one time, at band camp", I would like to point out that I passed on two opportunities to play Junior College baseball in order to go to a four year school closer to home. Playing the trombone was something that I was good enough at, that it allowed me an opportunity to pay a little less to go to school. That, and yes, band girls were easy. Well, some were...  I kid.

 Think about it. All these freshman girls, fresh out of high school, looking to talk to a college guy. Also, as a college guy, you wanted to have first crack at hitting on these girls before the rest of the school showed up; along with all the better looking and more interesting guys for them to talk to. You had to act and move fast!  Especially if you were a band nerd. You had to convince them you were cool before they met people who were actually cool.

 Along with all my fellow band nerds, many of the athletes had to show up to college early and because of that, I got a jump start on meeting my first real college roommate. He played basketball and had just transferred from a Junior College. In an effort to keep him somewhat anonymous, in case he ever decided to run for office, I will not share his name. I don't want to be the reason he never gets elected and if he does get elected, he will certainly need to pay me hush money.

 He was older than me, already had two years of college under his belt and knew things about girls that even my older brother never shared with me. For a young 18 year old kid from a small town in Texas, he was the best ambassador for college life a guy could ask for.

 We took a little time sizing each other up and learning a little bit about each other. He shaved every day, while I shaved once a month. He was a lot taller than me and had dialed in his swagger and confidence. I actually grew an inch when I turned 18. I was also still trying to figure out who I was and what college was all about.

 Before me, nobody in my family had ever gone to college, so a lot of my first days and month revolved around trying to keep the world from spinning too fast and finding balance in my college life. Most likely, if you went to college, you have an idea of what I am talking about. Like a rookie QB in the NFL, it takes a minute before the game slows down enough for you to catch on. That's the first 3 months of college.

 I was still dating the girl from my home town at the time and trying to understand what I was going to do about all that. Like many of the "girls back home", she was still in high school and seeing her, even though my college was only 186 miles away, was still a challenge. I marched in the band on weekends so that made it even more difficult. In a matter of a few months, our relationship ran its course and I was able to focus my romantic intentions elsewhere. On college girls.

 My roommate never had a problem with getting the attention of the opposite sex. He was a good looking guy and, like I said earlier, had the confidence that comes with 2 years of college experience. For him, it was never an issue of finding girls. His issue was trying to balance them all. Lucky for him, he had a very organized and task oriented roommate that could help to keep his relationship affairs in order. (And talk to his mom when she called to check in on him-he hardly ever came home at night).

 I struggled my first semester in college. Between being homesick, not knowing what to expect from college and generally overwhelmed by the whole experience; my grades were borderline. When I wasn't in class, I was studying in the library or in the room. My life was 90% school work and 10% fun. I also lived on 20 bucks a month, so any fun that I had was very budget friendly.

 After a few months of living in the same dorm room, we became very comfortable and honest with each other. My roommate began to impart his knowledge and experience to me. He too came from a small Texas town. He too had done the "girl back home" thing. He too had an older brother that didn't teach him everything he needed to know about girls.

 He gave me two pieces of advice in the year we lived together. Till this day, I still use these words in my life and career.

 Lesson #1:  Balance is important. Your work will suffer if you do not let loose and have some fun from time to time.

 The reason my grades were borderline was because I was too buried in my school work. You can't feed the flame of knowledge unless you give it some air every once in a while. College is supposed to be work, but the only memories you share with others are the ones related to fun. During my first semester in college, I didn't have any real stories to share because I was not allowing myself to have fun. I was scared that, if I had fun, I would certainly fail at school. Growing up thinking you were not meant to go to college, because nobody in your family ever went, created an insecurity and a fear of impending failure unless you immersed yourself into your work.  I didn't understand balance. Once I did, my grades jumped and I finished my college career in 4 years. Lots of As and Bs.

 Lesson #2:  Tell them bitches what's up. 

 Yes, it sounds crude. You have to understand the life group of the time. We never called girls that name (bitches) to their face, but many young men at this age used this word in an effort to sound "hard" in front of their friends. I am sure girls had something derogatory for us as well. I hope?  In order to drive the point across to me, my roommate used the word and I understand what he meant.

 He had sat and listened to me talk to girl after girl on the phone, using my limited "mack" skills and he had had enough.  My talents had gotten me some attention, but I was striking out or getting put in the "friend zone" more that I was getting to 2nd base. I was doing what I thought I should be doing-playing the game. Working the angles and running around in circles to get and maintain the attention of the opposite sex. I had no idea what I was doing and I wasn't being myself.

 He then began to explain that if you stop lying or playing games and just come clean, you would have more success. Stop trying to be cute and work on just putting it out there. "Hey, I like you. If you are into me, then let's hang out. If not, no big deal". 

 After years of playing games, wondering if she likes me or not and trying to read between the lines of the notes that were passed between classes; it all suddenly came clear that none of that shit was working. In the end, being honest and forthcoming was the key to successful relationships.

 I became addicted to the truth and because of that, I was never lonely on a Saturday night. I was successful and confident because I had nothing to hide. The truth shall set you free!!! 

 My roommate went on to become a successful person in business. He has a beautiful wife, big house, an awesome family and we are still friends till this day. Life has been good for him and he deserves all the success he has been blessed with. 

 I learn things from people every day. I weave those life lessons into my life and often share them in my books and blogs. Those two big takeaways that were given to me by my roommate are things I still use in my business and personal life day in and day out. I balance my work and personal life. I enjoy my work and I enjoy my family. Life is good.

 I also still tell them "bitches" what's up. But the "bitches" these days are the people I interact with every day. I don't lie. I don't play games and I don't do "surface" relationships. If you are in my life, then you get the real me and all the energy and knowledge I have to give. You get the truth and you get what's in my heart. So far, it's worked out pretty good for me.

 Balance your life. Tell them "bitches" what's up. Do the right thing and don't put yourself in situations where you have to lie or apologize. You will hurt some feelings, but that's part of the journey. In the end, you'll be happier, healthier and more successful. You deserve all those things, so stop sabotaging yourself. 

 PS-My old roommate will probably read this and if he does, he will know that I used to make out with his sister in the dorm parking lot. Sorry man, but thanks for your help in the swagger department.

Murphy kids

Sitting and watching Orange is the New Black the other night and I randomly had a memory about having to get a sports physical when I was in high school. Weird right? Nothing about the episode triggered it-it was just one of those odd flashbacks that resurface from time to time. Not some strange repressed memory where I suddenly feel scarred from having to turn my head and cough, but one of laughter. Uncontrollable laughter.

We've all done it. Laughing till we cannot control ourselves; brought on by nervous feelings and thoughts. Please tell me I am not alone in this? Almost every time I am at the doctor’s office, I get a strange feeling that comes over me. That feeling of nervous laughter and as I walk into any doctor’s office, my brain always seems to pull up this memory. Psychologists probably have some over analyzed term for this, but I'll just call it laughter brought on by nerves. I laugh even more when I think of this story.

My brother Michael and I were sitting in the reception area waiting for our names to be called, so we could go in and face the inevitable. A man, who we hope is wearing gloves, was about to touch our balls. Although we had had physicals before, for some reason this time was met with uncontrollable laughter. Tears rolling, stomach hurting and can't breathe kind of laughter.

I am not sure what triggered it or why this doctor’s appointment was any different than the rest, but Michael and I lost our shit. Red faced, trying to catch our breath with tears rolling down our faces. I'm sure we were an embarrassment to our poor mother who was sitting down and giving us "the look". No matter how serious she looked at us, we just couldn't stop the giggling.

Laughter is a great coping mechanism. Whenever life hits me with anything, I always seem to find a way to make a joke or laugh of it. I don't see it as a way to mask the gravity of a situation, nor is it a sign of immaturity. I think when you face enough adversity or challenges in life, laughter just makes more sense than melting down. Like a pressure release of a balloon that has been overinflated, laughter is the ultimate release.

There are not too many moments in life that couldn’t benefit from some needed levity. Think about all the situations you've faced in life. How many of those would be improved by a few chuckles? It's just as important to laugh as it is to cry, but laughter seems to be a little more socially acceptable. When you are crying, people want to know what's wrong, but when you’re laughing, people want to know what they are missing out on.

Again, I accept the gravity of the situation, but it won't stop me from making a joke on my, or someone else's, death bed. Honesty, after I tell everyone how much I love them before I die, I want to end on a joke. If my last words on this earth were "that's what she said" I think that would be awesome! Ending on a punchline opposed to a flat line is the best way to go.

Before his wake, my sister Kim and I got a few hours to ourselves to sit next to our brother Michael's casket and just talk. The same room my brother and I stood in before we buried Jimmy more than 25 years prior. As we held hands, we took turns trying to remember things or say things that would make the other person laugh. Crying was inevitable, but laughing was necessary. We are Irish and we are naturally funny, so that's what we do. We didn't just tell each other stories, we also tried to one up each other with who could say the worst and most wrong thing to the other. I will always win at this because I have the ability to take things farther and darker than most. Nothing is truly off limits and sometimes I am guilty of taking things too for. Yet, it's not like my brother was going to get up and pound me was he? (See what I did there?).

Laughter is a powerful thing. Don't discount it or restrain it from happening. Sure, you have to maintain professionalism at times, but life is too short to not at least attempt to balance the gravity of a situation with a bit of humor.

Stop taking yourself so serious.

#kids #dadlife

The glow on their faces as they swirled and waved their sparklers was something out of an Americana  movie.