Living is a tricky thing.  We squander away much of your time on earth.  Sometimes a life event happens and a switch somewhere in our brain ends up flipping.  For many, it's an event like getting married or becoming a parent.  For others it's a death of a family member or somebody close to you.  Cancer, or a horrible disease like it, can trigger a life changing moment.

Since the death of my brother Michael, some 4 months ago, I have had a somewhat different perspective on things. I have always tried to take in "the moment" and embrace what life deals us with arms wide open.  Where others watch life events through the small screen of a cell phone, I try to keep the damn thing in my pocket and attempt to remember it the way it was intended.  Live.  No Instagram filter.  Not posting it only to wait for someone to like it.  Remembering it how I want to remember it.  

Think about how different history books would be if our forefathers had Facebook?  I bet it wouldn't be as epic or exciting as what was relayed in history books or journals. Most battles would be boring in comparison to the romanticized version played out in Hollywood movies.  Social media and history books can also make people more noble and romances more beautiful then they probably really were.  One thing hasn't changed is that we can still dictate truths (or our version of the truth).  Folklore years ago is equal to Facebook status updates.  Maybe? Think of the life stories or movies that are to come in the next generation and realize that the story lines will be written from this generations blogs and social media posts.  If your life story was told from what was posted on your Facebook page, what kind of message would it convey?  What would be your story? Would it be true?

Are we as important or as self absorbed in real life as we are on Facebook?  Think about it.  We certainly make ourselves out to be pretty big deals on social media.  Giving our opinions, sharing meme pictures in attempt to come across more knowledgable than everyone else or chiming in to feel included in the discussion.  Because I blog once a week about random things that traditionally fall under some sort of "motivational" umbrella; will future history say that I was an accomplished self help writer because a few thousand people have read my blog?  I hope not.  I'd rather that be the truth and not something that is exaggerated by others.  

When you die, which version of you will be told to future generations?  Will the folklore of your Facebook updates be as epic as the life you truly lived?  I am not saying you need to wake up tomorrow and start changing the world, I'm simply suggesting that if you live 2 lives, the one you really lead and the one you project to lead, which one will be the one to make it into the future history books? Which version will be made into a movie?  Which one will be true?

Stop hiding behind well thought out and calculated social media posts and start living the life you want.  Project who you want to be and then follow the lead.  Live the life that will be written about and have the legend of you be the truth.  Christopher Columbus gets credit for discovering America only because he had a better publicist than Leif Ericson and the potential thousands of people who beat him to it 100s of years prior.   

You don't need a publicist or to pad your accomplishments.  Be interesting because you are interesting and not because you love some random band or once read something that was considered "cool".  Dictate cool.  Don't follow or chase cool.  Start working to be as bad ass as you want to be.  As bad ass as you can be.  

This way nobody has to make things up things to say at your funeral.  

Brainstorming needs to be an exclusively inclusive process.  (Read it again if you don't get it).  

Let's be honest, not all ideas are good ideas and many people are not great at the brainstorming process.  I am blessed to have worked with some of the most creative people in my industry.  I have also worked with people that are not only uncreative, but have the ability to stop the creative process dead in its tracks.  Sadly, if you lack the ability to be creative, you may never gain that skill.  You either got it or you don't.  

When putting together a productive brainstorming session, you have to look at it much like picking an all-star kickball team.  The fat kid deserves to be picked last, and if you can help it, you do your best to keep him off the team.  When there is a lot on the line and you are responsible for creating game changing ideas; now is not the time to worry about people getting their feelings hurt because they were not invited into the group. The fat kid can probably find something else to do while the meeting is happening.   

Sometimes people are placed into roles that stifle them creatively.  There are barriers that occur, sometimes physical or sometimes mental, that prevent people from reaching their creative potential.  These situations often come to light because they are playing the wrong role on the team or they are dwarfed by others who are far more skilled. Even though the fat kid can kick or outrun the thrown ball, there are others that are just better. Not everyone is an all-star in their environment and that's ok.  

Years ago I worked with someone who was in a creative position, but was not a very creative person.  By being willing (or desperate) enough to take on the role, they were placed into this position.  Everyone around them, including the person who assigned them this role, was a reflection of this person's ability or lack of ability.  They were a group of like minded and uncreative people that looked to this person to lead their creative efforts.  The environment was dictated from the top down and the group moved slowly and within their comfort level.  

I was hired as part of a regime change and was given the task of putting together a new team.  When we started to assemble a more creative group of people, it was quickly recognized that this person was not right for the role. Unfortunately, I believe they realized this as well.  Instead of embracing a role that still allowed them to contribute in their own unique way, this person decided the best thing to do was to attempt to derail brainstorming sessions and bring things closer to their comfort level.  When the meetings started to head in a direction that they were uncomfortable with (contrary to their idea) they applied the brakes and brought everything and everyone to a grinding halt.  

George S Patton once said, "If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking".  I completely agree with this statement, but there is a difference between the meaning of that quote and someone who takes a meeting in the wrong direction. Most of us can identify the difference between the two.  After several frustrating brainstorming sessions, we began to stop inviting this person to the meetings.  I assure you this was not a case of a mob of like minded people bullying a fellow employee. The meetings needed to move forward and be productive.  By the definition of their title and the requirements of that role, there was a need to be creative and contribute.  This forced us to make a change that allowed the group to move smarter and faster.  It wasn't personal, but at the end of the day, there is a reason why the fat kid gets picked last. 

This isn't a heartless act.  You can certainly allow people to be a part of the meeting, learn from the creative process and grow from the ideas and teachings of others.  Yet, when they start to hinder creativity and prevent the team from moving forwarded, you have to clear the way and allow the ideas to breathe.  Those who are not contributing to the positive momentum of the session must be cut from the group.  As you know, you are only as good as your weakest link.  When that link prevents the group from achieving the goals of the meeting, you have to move on.  Even if you like the weakest link, you have to have the courage to do what it takes to be successful. 

To quote the "great" Bob Sugar...it's not "show friends", it's "show business".

This past weekend, we took a family trip to visit my wife's half of the family.  We had a quick and easy hot dog and hamburger type dinner gathering.  Very informal.  Nothing fancy.  Even the beer was blue collar and obviously purchased by someone who doesn't drink the stuff.  Beggars can't be choosers I guess, but even hobos would probably pass on this college budget friendly beverage.  

The gathering took place at the house of my wife's grandmother.  Everyone divvied up the responsibilities of the party so that "Nanna" could visit with everyone and not have to worry about grilling and hosting.   I don't need to paint the picture anymore than this; we have all been to this party before.  

Since this wasn't a Murphy family gathering, I took a step back from the duties and just kept an eye on my kids to make sure they didn't wreck the place.  Like many of you, I like to read rooms and make mental notes of what is going on.  I don't just do this at family reunions, I do this everywhere. At the reunion I got to witness chaos for the sake of chaos. 

This is when one or several people do things to look busy or act like they are contributing. When things get to a point of heightened anticipation, these people jump into action and stand near where the action is, as to be associated with the finale or the event about to take place.  These individuals feel a sense of accomplishment when they are able to contribute drama to a situation that doesn't need drama.  As the burgers came off the grill,   I witnessed a relative frantically move a plate of sliced tomatoes 3 times.  The reason?  They have a need to contribute to the event and add something to the moment.  The tomatoes would have found themselves on top of the burgers eventually-regardless of where they were sitting on the counter. 

Moving from the condiment counter to everyday life, some people are so conditioned to the existence of drama in their life or career, that when it is absent, they miss it so much that they manufacture it and inject it into every situation. Ironically, I have found, that these same people are the biggest self proclaimed "drama haters".  Funny how people hate the thing they preach so adamantly against.  How many stories have we heard about preachers or politicians who are so passionate about the striking down of the evil or crime that they are guiltiest of committing?  

I cannot tell you how many events that I have personally created or hosted over the years that others have tried to sabotage because they lack drama.  I am not freaking out and claiming that the sky is falling, so they are bothered and uneasy about the calmness and immediately feel the need to contribute by adding the chaos. At times, it's actually quite comical. Knowing that you built the entire event from the ground up, bulletproofed, dictated the needs and created a timeline and checklist-only to watch the monkeys go crazy and look for poo to fling.  

You may have never noticed this before.  We have all been swept up in the chaos at some point and forget to step back and assess the situation before reacting.  We joined the mob of chaos and found ourselves flinging poo because we saw others doing it and assumed it to be the right thing to do.  Just remember, you don't have to contribute for the sake of contributing.  Just because things don't make sense to you at the moment, doesn't mean you have to look busy.  Leave the tomatoes in one spot on the counter. If people want them, they'll find them.  Grab a plate and a can of cheap beer and have a seat on the couch.