A few months ago I was going though a rough patch. Nothing like a midlife crisis or anything, but more like a drain of emotions and energy. A bump in the road, more or less. (Perhaps it might be the male equivalent to "my time of the month", because I just read online that this was a "thing"). I didn't really know it at the time, but I was in need of some guidance. Someone to connect the dots a bit and get me from point A (the slump I was in) to point B (the other side).

The words that I needed to hear came in the form of a 90 minute phone call from a very good friend of mine. After a few weeks of phone tag, we were finally able to set aside some time to connect. What started out as a casual conversation about work and a few random things turned into a deep discussion about life and what it's like to be "us", as we both have a lot in common despite being more than 10 years apart. I won't share with you exactly what he said to me, but I will tell you that he gave me the inspiration for this blog and the reason why everyone needs a what he referred to as a "guardian angel".

A guardian angel is someone who looks out for you, keeps an eye on you and lifts you up emotionally when you've hit a wall or you feel your emotional tank is on empty. This person could be your wingman in relationships or a work partner that has your back and talks you up to others. This person can also be a mentor. No matter how secure you are emotionally or how high you are on the career ladder, we all need someone to check in on us or a person to bounce things off of.

Even if you already know what you should be doing or how to get past this slump you are in, it's helpful to get confirmation from someone else. Even if your issues or concerns are pretty lame; you can't have a true pity party by yourself because a party needs at least two participants. And sometimes a lot of beer...

If you are reading this and thinking that you cannot relate, then you are lying to yourself. As someone who writes "self-help" books, I still need help. Because I do a solid job of "fixing" my own issues, I don't always do a good job of reaching out and asking for input. I tend to deflect and spin things so that others aren't forced to get pulled into any issues I might be having. I don't do it on purpose, but I've been doing it without thinking for years. Not sure if this is a character flaw or part of the "charm" that is me. Maybe both?

You need a sounding board. Someone that has either gone through a similar tough patch or is just emotionally intelligent enough to say the right thing at the right time. Sometimes the right words just happen to fall out of the mouth of the right person. Some people may just need a kind word or two, whereas others might need a kick in the ass or a shove in the right direction. Regardless the method, we need to be aware that sometimes we just need help from someone else...and that's ok. The Beatles wrote a few songs about it. "Help" and "With a little help from my friends"...

There are moments in your life where you may just have to lean on someone else for support (even if it's just for a few minutes) just long enough to get your faculties about you. Like a boxer that needs to take a standing 8 count to regain his legs and recover, sometimes all we need is a change in perspective or a moment to catch our breath in the marathon of life.

#Tryharder to identify the times in life where you need to seek out help and allow others to help you with what you are struggling with. Also, don't pass on the moments when you should be reaching out or offering to help others. We should all be willing to be a guardian angel for someone else and learn from our slumps and rough patches so we can better guide our friends and family through those times. Just try to maintain some sense of balance in all of this, as none of us should ever become an energy drain or time bandit to those who care enough to ask if we are doing ok.

When you are on top of the world you are able to dream on a level that most people cannot fathom. The world is truly your oyster and roadblocks are seen as mere bumps along the way. Nobody can tell you what you cannot do because you won't imagine it. When you are on a roll like this, life is like a wide open road with no traffic, stop signs or weather to slow you down.

Ronda Rousey said in an interview a few weeks ago that she could see herself holding a title in several different combat sports. In the near future, she could imagine herself being at the top in UFC, woman's boxing and professional wrestling all at once. She sees herself continuing to act in big movies and growing her overall brand. It is difficult for most of us to dream on that level, but it's exciting when someone talks like that and we tend to believe it because they have been unstoppable up until this point.

Then you hit a roadblock.

She just got her ass kicked by someone who wasn't supposed to be good enough to step foot in the same ring as her.   The "open road" perspective on life and dreams may not have the same tone moving forward because she just had someone close the first door on her professional fighting career. Someone just told her "you cannot" and removed the physical evidence of success from around her waist.

She no longer holds the belt. She lost. What was certainly the building block of her potential three sport dominance, is now vacant from her mantle. She has a scar. A blemish beyond a scarred lip. Something that cannot be taken away or given back. She lost. Rousey just tasted, for the first time in her professional life, what it feels like to be truly human. She is no longer immortal and she will not be feared the same way by her opponents moving forward. There is now doubt in her head and in her heart.

We all know this because we have all failed at something. We have all taken a kick to the head from life. We have all had our confidence sucked out of us by someone or something and it feels terrible. It's one of the worst feelings ever. Replacing confidence with the feeling of doubt hurts and permanently scars you in the process. Sure, we learn from losing and falling, but even with those teachings, we will always be reminded of how we learned that lesson and may flinch every time we are forced to dip into that mental bucket for reference.

Depending on how you react, that seed of doubt can grow one of two ways. It can fuel you or it can defeat you.

So what next?

You get up. You shake off the cobwebs, knock down the cartoon birds and stars circling your head and realize that others have faced these same challenges before. Like many great, formerly undefeated, fighters before, you get up and beat up the next person they put in front of you. Like any other challenge life gives you, you get up and #Tryharder to conquer the next hurdle and then the next until winning or succeeding becomes habitual again.

It all starts with the first deep breath. The first step. The first punch. Rematches happen for a reason beyond making money, they are a venue for redemption. When life gives you another shot, make sure to take advantage of it.

#Tryharder

Me: Why are you driving your sister crazy?  Why are you following her around?

Sean:  Because I love her.

When you're 5 years old, your 8 year older sister hangs the moon. She's the biggest influence in your life and even though she yells at you, hits you and tells you to go away, you can't stop loving her. Partly because driving her nuts is so much fun.

Growing up being the middle son and the 3rd oldest of 4, I don't recall too many serious moments or times where we didn't love each other to the point of driving each other crazy. We fought and shouted, but in the same minute we were throwing things at each other, we couldn't bear to be away from each other. If anyone ever wished to do any of us harm, we would not stand for it. (Sometimes I wonder if my sister was so protective of us because we were hers and hers alone to torture and she didn't like the competition).

My sister Kim, the oldest, would scream at us at the top of her lungs and threatened to kill us!   My brother Michael would retaliate by putting a yellow towel on his head (to mock her hair) and then would scream and make up words just to weaken her case for being upset with us. The more Kim yelled, the more he poked. The more he poked, the harder it was for her to keep a straight face. Whenever she barked out orders, which is what you do when mom and dad would leave you in charge while they were gone, we would call her "boss". "Ok boss!  You got it boss!  Whatever you want boss". It drove her so crazy her head would explode!  She'd want to kill us, but would end up laughing as she chased us around the house. Love and hate. The balance of family.

Love. Never discount the importance of love. It is the secret sauce in every aspect of life. Food is better with love as an ingredient, relationships are obviously better when rooted in love and your work is more rewarding when it is based in love.

Also, don't discount hate. They say the opposite of love is not hate. It's actually apathy. Hate still implies you have passion for something. You care enough to hate it. When you can easily walk way from something or you become indifferent, then you no longer feel for it. You're done. You're numb and that's apathy.

I think we have all been at a crossroads with something or someone where our love has been challenged.

#Tryharder to identify the things you love as well as hate in this world. Understand that just because you hate something, doesn't mean you need to remove it from your life. It's balance. You can't run around loving everybody and everything, nor can you do the same with hate. Love. Hate. All needed in the overall balance of life and the balance of relationships.

Yes, I still believe it's important to fill your life with more things you love over the number of things you hate, but don't disregard the importance of the discomfort that comes with hate. Hate helps drive you in aspects where love cannot. Hate gives you a better appreciation for the things you love and helps you to realize what's important.

Love and hate. All good stuff. Don't get it twisted.

sleeping bag siblings