I got a plane ticket to Greenville, Sc
I don’t close myself off to the world as I write in public. My senses are actually heightened by the conversations that are happening around me. I try to focus on these interactions to see if there are any takeaways to be had; as I wait for the guy at the gate to crack the mic to remind me, again, that my flight has been pushed back for some reason.
There’s a lady talking about her trip to Seattle last month, a guy reading his wife’s Cosmo magazine, a group of young boys on a baseball team that look like a rowdy bunch, a girl dressed a little too sexy for air travel and a woman with her laptop open-looking at spreadsheets at 3pm on a Friday going into a 3 day holiday weekend. Seriously?
Then there’s this guy, banging on the screen of his iPad, writing his next book.
Before this blog starts to read like a Tracy Chapman song, where I write about all the things I see and throw a hook in about a fast car, I guess I should start to narrow in on the focus of this chapter.
Let the world around you influence you.
Not in a way where you blame all of your issues or problems on the world and use your influences as excuses, but more in a way to educate or possibly expose yourself to something that you normally would have ignored or missed because your face was buried in your Facebook page.
The people, the places, the overall atmosphere and the wrongful listening in on of other people’s conversations. If it wasn’t for my curiosity, I probably wouldn’t have written many of my previous offerings. If it wasn’t for the lessons, the insight or the inspiration spawned from people watching, I wouldn't have been able to challenge my brain to spin creative thoughts and ideas out of these little moments. If anything, in the past few years, I have become more sensitive to the world around me. Not like Brendan Fraser's character in the movie Bedazzled (have you seen this movie?), where he cries about every little sensitive life moment, but more of an awareness of my surroundings and a deeper appreciation for what is really happening all around me.
These events don't just create writing opportunities; they also provide little glimpses and takeaways of moments where I would have traditionally just blocked out the noise and excitement around me. I don’t have a fear of missing out, but rather a healthy curiosity of what the world is providing me at that very moment. By taking it all in, or at least as much as your attention span allows, you feed your brain and possibly open new doors of opportunity, thought and enlightenment.
Learning to communicate with others takes an awful lot of closed-mouth research and open observation. Not to break off too much “new age” or “hippie speak” on you, but you’d be amazed what you can accomplish by getting yourself in tune with the world around you. And no, I don’t do yoga….
Look up and listen. Things are happening.
Pick up Pull The Trigger here:
I don't want to be forgettable.
I don't want regrets.
I would like to think that I have made a lasting impression on others during my short time here on earth. If a bus hits me tomorrow, I feel confident that people would travel to pay their respects and mourn my passing. Not that this is a measure of a person or a life lived, but being honest here, nobody wants a weak attendance at their last big "performance".
My brother passed away over a year ago and I am still learning more about who he was to others. I shared bathtubs, bunk beds and clothes with him, but there were stories and things about him that I never knew till after he passed away. You often learn more about what kind of a person someone was after they leave this earth. Not because of a false legacy or because people want to feed you positive stories about the deceased, but because these stories come to light with their passing. These stories might just be simple stories while they are alive, but they take on a different significance once someone passes. Simple and sometimes uneventful stories get shared after people pass, because there is a need for the teller to share something, since the deceased has become more top of mind with their passing.
I'm sure I have enemies. I've been in fights. I've fired people and said things I'm not proud of saying. I'm not a perfect person, but I try to be someone that others want to be around and possibly respect. I want to do more and provide opportunities to those who invest their time and confidence with me. When I die, I would hope, beyond my wife and children, that I made a difference in someone's life. Yet, you never really know till you're dead, do ya? People may tell you that you influenced them, but they might not realize how much till you pass. They don't often erect statues or name buildings in your honor until you're dead. There's more to life than getting things named after you, but I think you understand the meaning and direction I was going with that.
In a few weeks, the movie "The Fault in Our Stars" comes out. I hadn't read the book, but I was given the opportunity to host a sneak preview of the movie the other night. I won't ruin the movie for anyone who wants to see it, but the film deals a lot with mortality and how people cope with the hand they were dealt. One of the characters in the film is going to die and he asks his friends to write a eulogy for him. Opposed to waiting till he dies, he makes them read them while he is still alive. I have often thought that this is the way we should treat life and death. Mean or nice, good or bad, we should live life with more clarity on our feelings for others. I want people to know how I feel about them and I would prefer for others to share their feelings towards me while I am still alive to appreciate those feelings. Too many missed chances and lost moments in this world due to the holding back of feelings.
How many people have you lost to death or distance that never knew how much you cared about them? Or how they cared about you? The grandparent, the parent, the sibling or the high school crush. They passed or moved on and never heard the words you meant to say or what they meant to you. One day, you too will parish. Will you die without regrets? My brother died knowing how much I loved him. I don't regret the things I said to him, because he was my brother and I meant every word, good or bad. I don't regret loving him as much as I did or mixing it up with him from time to time. My only regret is the amount of time that was taken from us and the life that I will continue to live, having one way conversations with myself, about him, instead of with him.
Try not to have regrets in life.
If you were a product, what promises would you make about yourself? What would be your campaign to get people to “like” or “purchase” you?
Put yourself in the position of being the next Pepsi of the world. How would you market yourself differently than all the sodas out there? (“pop” if you are reading this in the Midwest) You probably haven’t thought about it or compared yourself to a product on the shelves of a grocery store, but every day of your life you are marketing and selling yourself to others. Every day people are formulating an opinion of you and you are formulating an opinion of them. It’s natural. Nothing superficial about it.
“Selling” yourself is never easy. It is easier to hide behind a product or something that is attached to you, like a job or a company, than it is to put yourself out there for others to analyze and formulate opinions about. Conversely, when you get fired from that company, you want it to be because of personal reasons and not ability. It’s easier for us to digest that it was a personal problem for them and not due to a potential lack in skill or ability. Because, when it’s personal, you can make it about them and not you. You’re perfect. They are the ones with the issues. Right?
The other day a co-working asked me to write their online bio for them. This person even offered to pay me. I work with sales and marketing people all day and their job is to create and build relationships with clients and others in an effort to get those people to spend money with them. In the end, they are selling a product, but nobody wants to give their marketing budgets to someone they don’t like or trust. They initially need to sell themselves. Being likable and interesting helps to get your foot in the door of businesses and often you make your first connection through social media. That internet thing….everyone’s on it.
It’s hard to write about yourself. It often seems impossible to describe who you are in less than 160 characters. You have concerns like “Does this sentence make me sound like a dick” or “Do these descriptive words make me sound too boring”. There is a delicate balancing act that needs to happen between the two. People are experiencing you (like the first sip of a Pepsi) for the first time and you want to make a strong impression. This is true in business and in life. You want to make sure they understand who you are and what you’re all about, but you’re also concerned that you might be giving off the wrong impression.
My advice to you? Screw it. Don’t over think the damn thing. Fitting in and trying to be like everyone else will only make you forgettable.
I’m not going to write a bio for any of you. I will however try to steer you in the right direction. I’m not you-Pepsi. I’m Country Time lemonade. I don’t even drink soda! What do I know about you that you haven’t told me about yourself, knowingly and unknowingly? You know the benefits and ingredients that come with being you and you just might need to be pushed in the right direction of creating a self marketing campaign.
Start here! Write 10 down things that people don’t know about you. You may not use all of them, but they will get you thinking in the right direction. You like to cook, eat fire, tango dance, speak Chinese, deep sea dive, whittle, whatever. The stranger the better sometimes. These are your secret ingredients. Things that make you feel different are going to make you more interesting. The oddities that come with being you will actually make you more attractive to others and give them the confidence and willingness to share their oddities with you. These secret ingredients are going to be ice breakers for conversations and will help in your desire to stand out from the pack. There are lots of sodas out there, but you come with an ingredient that is way more interesting than the others! Smaller niches actually breed more involvement and interest. Don’t fear sharing these things about yourself. Embrace them and allow them to help your profile become more interesting.
You may discover that you are more exciting than you originally imagined, especially after other validate your differences by asking lots of questions about your lifestyle or hobby. You may also discover that you are not taking advantage of all the opportunities that life has given you and you need to push yourself outside of your comfort zone to learn and embrace new things. Only you can make that call, since others only see what you project.