#Tryharder

I found myself at the least happiest place on earth during the month of December. A place where every 5 minutes you see someone do the unthinkable. From cutting an old lady off to get a parking spot to seeing a customer yelling at a worker at a shorthanded jewelry store. I saw both of those things happen 10 minutes of each other while shopping at the mall for gifts for my family. In the season of peace, love and joy, the mall is a necessary hell on earth. I had to go there to get the things I needed. I can see the appeal of online shopping and getting Amazon to deliver it. In a world where we look to disconnect and be less face-to-face social, I find myself in situations where complete strangers tend to unload their life story to me.

I have one of those faces.

As I stepped into one of the stores, more suitable for people who need to fill the holes of their multiple piercings or buy a ton of black hoodies to show their individuality while looking like everyone else, I made eye contact with one of the female employees. I wasn't really looking to buy anything at the store, I was more window shopping or looking for something to give me an idea of what to buy. It's funny, most of the time when you don't need assistance, you get plenty. When you need it, everyone is hiding.

This girl was stressed. You could see it in her face and body and feel it in her overall vibe. Breathing in deeply. Running her fingers through her hair, starting at her forehead and going all the way through her shoulder length hair. Looking up towards the ceiling and building up like she was about to cry. After making eye contact with me, she choked out a smile. I spoke first and said "Yeah, I bet its tough working at the mall this time of the year". I've never worked retail, but my wife has and I know that working during the holidays can suck the Christmas spirit right out of you! I have to deal with customers and complaints on a regular basis, but not nearly as much as someone who is working in retail and especially during the holidays.

She responded by saying "Yeah, I actually work two jobs". If you know me, I don't do "surface" conversation well. Small talk is fine here and there, but I'm an all-in kind of person. A guy who wants to know your turn-ons and turns offs, hot buttons and what makes you tick. Yes, even if I never actually know your name, I enjoy getting an early read on people. I work in radio, so to me, every person I speak to is a research opportunity. A chance to better know my audience and how I can connect with them. I can get a person’s life story within 5 questions. I've written about this before and refer to it as my super power. Even when I'm not trying to dig deep, people still want to share.

So I said "well, I hope your second job isn't at the mall because I could see how that could stress you out". This was the turning point in the conversation. This was her out. She could have just said "yes" or "no" and then asked if she could help me with something, but she didn't. It's because I have that kind of face. Maybe it's the eye contact or my friendly smile or the need to tell someone something and get it off her chest, but she opened up like a book.

Her other job is part of the housekeeping staff at a high end hotel. She cleans rooms, fluffs the pillows and stocks the mini bars with the $20 bags of peanuts. While cleaning the room of one of the guests who had checked out, she pricked her finger on what is assumed to be a needle used to deliver insulin to someone that is diabetic. Sure, it's not meth or some other needle injected drug, but still very dangerous when accidentally pricking yourself. She spent four hours, prior to coming to her second job at the mall, at the doctor so that they could run tests on her. This was why she was stressed. Within one minute of meeting this young lady, I was sucked into the current stressful chapter of her life story.

I honestly didn't know what to say. Beyond stating the obvious like "well, that sucks", I just took a second to process it and said "I am sure things will be fine. It's gonna be ok". I really wanted to say more. I really wanted to have some sort of story or quote or something that would help set her at ease, but I really had nothing. That was the best I could do at the time. As I walked away from the store, I had this feeling that I needed to go back and hug the girl. Thinking that maybe that would help to bring her some comfort. Then I thought maybe she might be freaked out by a random stranger walking back into a store 5 minutes after he left, just to hug her. So, I just went on with my shopping. I'm just as curious as you are about to rest of her story and how it all turned out. I really do hope she’s ok. I wish I could have said more.

In all honesty, this type of thing happens to me a lot. People, for some reason, want to share with me things that I probably have no business hearing or knowing. I have that face. Like the kid from The Sixth Sense that sees dead people, I hear stories. Perhaps it's not all my face, but maybe my ability to listen and not immediately judge? Maybe there is a higher power putting us all in random situations or placing us into each other's lives to help each other out a the perfect moment? This girl needed to tell someone her story that day and I happened to be the random friendly face that got the job.

#Tryharder to be aware that everything is not about you. Maybe there are moments or opportunities in this world that are not focused on your needs and your betterment in any way. Perhaps it's a relationship that you were once in and looking back you have no idea what you got out of it. It might be that the other person needed you to be the bridge that got them to another place in their life and you got very little in return. You scratch your head and continue to wonder why, but you may never know because it wasn't your time. I dated 4 different girls days prior to them meeting the man of their dreams. The man they eventually married. Chances are, I was a bridge of some sort for them in their journey and I wasn't supposed to get anything life altering out of those relationships besides the story of "I went out with 4 different girls that immediately found their future husbands afterwards".

This young lady might have just needed to hear that everything is going to be alright from a complete stranger. She needed to release the pressure and tell someone her story. Perhaps I helped her get through her second shift of the day. Maybe I did get something out of it too? A muse to inspire me to write a chapter about why the world isn't always about you and how we need to embrace the possibility of being a bridge in the journey of someone else’s life.

Kid date night

Growing up, my sister was on her own. She was the lone girl in the wolf pack of boys. There was Kim and then there were the boys. We were grouped together always as "the boys". The boys did this and The Boys did that. When bad things were done, it was rarely me or Jimmy or Michael, it was us. We were punished and grounded as a group and we were bragged about and rewarded as a group. Sometimes my sister would defend us to mom and dad or be the first to throw us under the bus. (Usually the latter).

My mom would write a list of chores for each day of the summer and my sister was in charge of making sure that all the tasks were completed. Mom would write things like "have the boys take out the trash and do the laundry". Rarely were we separated as it was Kim's job to determine which boy was to complete each task. We were a unit. A group. Not as individuals. Not defined by one, but by our gender and our born into association with each other. There was the oldest and only girl Kim and then there were the boys. She was the general and we were the soldiers.

I love my sister more than life, but I miss having brothers.

I miss the communication, the belonging to a group and the community of brotherhood. If I were to ever say that the world has cheated me out of anything in this life, it would be the amount of time that I have missed and still missing from having them leave this earth too soon. I live a blessed life and the world has been good to me, but this will forever be the only scar or chip on my shoulder that won't go away. I have been given so much, but this feeling and belonging has been taken from me and that wound will never completely heal. We had a great time when they am were here, but We deserved more. Real talk.

Last night my wife had her company Christmas party and we didn't have a sitter so we couldn't attend the event together. It was the same night as my company Christmas party, but she was going to receive an award and my company was going to give me an open bar tab for 3 hours. Awards trump Gin and Tonic, so I stayed home with the kids and she went to her party. The kids and I went out to eat, took a large bubble bath in the "mommy tub" (the big one), ate dessert and watched movies on Netflix till they passed out in our bed. Kids trump Gin and Tonic.

As I sat there watching the craziness that comes from me making them banana splits (with whipped cream) at 8pm, I couldn't help but tear up and smile. Even though there is one girl and one boy, they remind me a lot of my childhood and growing up with my siblings.

Love that my kids have their own little jokes. Little quotes and the ability to finish each other's sentences. Finding humor in the same oddities and knowing the exact things that makes the other laugh. There is so much beauty in simply being siblings and having that connection. They are amazing together and care for each other deeply, just as we cared for each other. As much as I miss that from my own life, I feel some of that space being filled in my heart as I watch them communicate. Sometimes you appreciate more being a spectator to something beautiful than you do being an active part of it.

#Tryharder to see the beauty in the simple things and the blessed moments that life provides you. We all get caught up in our own issues and don't always do a good job of witnessing and taking in the amazing opportunities that are right in front of you. Even if you grew up an only child, you can still appreciate watching a kid do something you wish you still could do or see an experience through their eyes. You don't need to be a parent to appreciate this, just a healthy observer of life and emotionally intelligent enough to relate to the moment.

To me, watching my kids see Disney for the first time is as amazing as watching them finish each others sentences. Both are amazing and beautiful. Now, if they could stop using the word "poop" in every sentence...that would be great.