It’s been a minute since I’ve written about dead people. That may be of some relief to a few of my regular blog readers, but others pull some interesting takeaway from these types of chapters.

When we published my first book, Pull the Trigger, I gained an unexpected audience that propelled the book to become an Amazon Best Seller.  I wrote much of that book right after my brother Michael had passed away, so my feelings were pretty raw and I cried my eyes out while writing it. I was dealing with the grieving process and sharing my words became cathartic. Had I not put my feelings into words on paper (or in this case digital form), I probably would not have been able to cope as well as I did. In case you want to read it, and I would like to add that not all the chapters in the book deal with death, but be aware that many do. (Click here to get the book)

As Pull the Trigger made its way into unknown hands and as those anonymous consumers continued to purchase it, I started to get messages from strangers who seemed to feel like they knew a lot about me. That’s what happens when you put tears and blood to paper and share it-you eventually make a connection.

So as my inbox continued to get busier, I noticed a common theme with these notes…I was helping people. I was pulling them out of the “funk” they were in and my words helped to connect them with the next step in their grieving progression. I helped people heal or at least gave them a fresh perspective on grieving. People sometimes get lost on their way to healing and occasionally need a push, or in this case a PULL (PULL the Trigger) to get them farther along on their journey. I wrote the book for me and it ended up helping others. Turns out my biggest audience was not the friends, family and business associates that I expected to purchase the book. The biggest consumers were people in grieve counseling groups. People who were dealing with the death of family members found comfort and answers in the book. After that, at least for me, my view on how and why I write these chapters changed a bit. When someone writes you from Russia (never been there) and tells you that you are their favorite author....it’s pretty humbling.

My brother Michael has been gone now for five years. I think about him every day and the loneliness of being the last Murphy brother standing hasn’t changed. I was once one of three brothers.  The middle brother. Then, when Jimmy passed when we were kids, I became the younger brother and eventually the only brother. My sister Kim has stayed the oldest and the only girl. I am surrounded by people that love me, my family is amazing and the friends and supportive people in my life are great, but there is forever a hole in my heart and head that was once occupied by brotherhood.

The jokes that will die with me. The stories that I can’t tell Michael’s daughter till she gets older and the fear that my brain might forget the details as I get older and more forgetful. The absolute, and without filters, sharing of brotherhood. These stories and events occupy my thoughts and they take up residence in the holes of my being and spirit. I’m sitting on a treasure chest of awesome stories and thoughts and not anyone to share them with. To be honest, I still spend a bit of time being lonely. I know that I am loved and rich with relationships, but there are those moments I ache for brotherhood.

So, you try to make connections with other people. You look to establish relationships and work to create bonds to fill some of the space left by those you have lost. You become close with people you find common ground with and, if you’re lucky, they become family.  You spend time with these adopted brothers and sisters and look to build a vault of stories and inside jokes with them. We all need someone.  We need others. We need that feeling of having someone that can understand our thoughts without them being vocalized. A conversation with just your eyes and expressions. An inside joke told with a smile and a roll of the eyes. Someone who gets you beyond the abilities of a parent, spouse or partner. A connection that turns into sibling-like companionship.

#Tryharder to welcome people into your flock and create relationships that go beyond the typical day-to-day connection.  It’s important and healthy to have strong relationships with men and women in your life that don’t share your blood or history.  Know, at least from my unfortunate in depth experience, it’s easier to cope with the obstacles of life and heal when you have a band of brothers to lean on.