“You don’t have to have it all figured out.  The decisions you make today do not need to control the rest of your life or even the rest of your career. Nothing is absolute and hardly ever final.  What you do now is merely a stepping stone to whatever is NEXT”.

These are the words that were used when I spoke to a friend of mine this past week. I quickly typed them into the notes app on my iPhone because I thought that they might have some value to others that read them. I write everything down in my phone. This is not an endorsement for Apple, but I did write my last book #Tryharder and the new book I am working on now in the notes section of the iPhone. That’s a lot of tapping with two thumbs. I probably have some form of arthritis because of this. Over 150,000 words have been written with my thumbs and only a few were spelled correctly.

I think we are all guilty of overthinking our actions. When we are in a space where we are not confident in the direction we are going, we tend to “play tight” and try not to screw things up. Instead we should “play loose” and let the game of life come to us, opposed to forcing each decision to point us towards the next stepping stone.

This is often difficult for us to wrap our arms around and embrace. We are taught to be goal oriented and focus on getting to a place or position in life.  Instead, we should be applying aim to targets and stepping stones. Yet, when our confidence is shook and we’re staring up from the bottom of a well with no movie dog running back home to tell mom and dad that you’re trapped down there, we often get fixated on one thing-getting out of the well. We should be focused on the next closest immediate step opposed to the potential end of the journey.

Step one:  Visualize getting out of the well.

Step two:  What is my first step in the climb.

Step three:  After I get out of here, what am I going to do to stay out of here.

Here’s where we all mess up. Somewhere between step one and step two, we try to have it all figured out. We try to rush the process and just get from point A (the bottom) to point B (hugging the TV dog). You don’t have to have it all carefully figured out before you take the first step. The important part is to get moving and let the timeline and stepping stones come to you. The next step always appears once you start to move. It always does. Maybe not in the perfect timeline in your head, but give it a moment and it presents itself when you need it.

There is an expression you have probably heard...“Paralysis by analysis”. This is where you spend so much time measuring and overthinking something to the point where you end up doing nothing. Sure, measured results and progress are important in life, but not to the point where they stall or stunt growth. You have to “play loose” a little and let the solutions come to you, opposed to forcing solutions into a problem that just needs some time to air out.

Think about the world of dating. You will never find a boyfriend or the love of your life when you are looking. I stopped looking and ran into my wife a few months later (not literally). The other person seems to stumble into your life at the moment they are destined to find you. Not always, but often. When you are fixated, it doesn’t happen. When you “play loose” your odds increase. (NOT THAT KIND OF LOOSE!  Actually, that kind of loose may work for you too.  Haha).

My friend, who is unemployed, got so wrapped up in the potential negative results of applying to certain jobs or reaching out to certain people, that he thought himself into paralysis. He couldn’t envision himself doing the same thing for the next fifteen years and kept passing up opportunities because of it. He’s good at what he does (or did) but didn’t think he had it in him to continue to do it for the next fifteen years.  Here’s the funny thing about life-we often make up stupid rules or put ridiculous restrictions upon ourselves. Nobody told him he had to sign his life away for the next fifteen years. Instead, he needed to focus on the next fifteen minutes, fifteen hours, fifteen days and then fifteen months.

Your head gets in the way and the scary clouds of negativity can cause you to freeze and you end up doing nothing. He was so concerned with falling back into the “well” that he overthought things and never really started climbing. He had a goal and vision in life, but was not applying the appropriate amount of action needed to start the journey.  By putting yourself out there and possibly saying “yes” to something, you’re not admitting defeat or ending your search-you’re just starting the process of getting to what’s next. Next is pretty exciting because none of us ever know what it brings. Your next stepping stone is not a destination-it is just part of the journey.

#Tryharder to not let your head, which is often filled with clouds of doubt and judgment, get in the way of your next stepping stone in life. You’ll never get to see the next page or know what good is coming if you never start moving. Take the first step! Hell, take any step!  Because laying on your back, staring up at the sky from the bottom of the well, is getting you nowhere.

Get to stepping.