Saturday is my day to sleep in. My daughter wakes me up at 7am, like clockwork. She, like me, has an alarm clock setting in her head that doesn't let her sleep past 7am. The last time I slept passed 7am I was probably deathly ill or something. 7am is sleeping in for me.
Erin climbed into bed and snuggled up with me as she does every Saturday morning. She got settled in and then asked me "Daddy, what are you afraid of"? Things fired off in my brain as I processed the question and tried to format my answer for the audience of a 6 year old. Of course I have fears. We are all afraid of something. My brain was thinking of grown up fears, while she was expecting me to say Halloween ghosts, vampires and such.
I just said "bad guys".
I don't worry about the things that I cannot control. Nor should you. This world and the things around you are going to happen whether you like it or not. You can't focus too much energy on trying to control the tide that is greater than you. It's a good idea to examine these moments and evaluate your situation, but it's not the smartest thing to wrangle and corral the things that cannot be harnessed. There is a reason we don't canoe upstream without a paddle.
Easier said than done right? We all want to fight the battles that can't be won. We all like the challenge and we most desire the things we cannot have or control.
I am not suggesting that you walk through life as if you have no control of your destiny. It is foolish to just have a niave attitude about the world and just shout "que cera cera" while being ignorant about the hustle and bustle around you. That's not smart or healthy and neither is allowing every little uncontrollable thing create stress that raises your blood pressure.
Troubleshoot the "what ifs" if you can. Plan ahead. Control what you can control and do your best no to suck at life. Be a good person. Be conscious of the unknown and the things you cannot control, but don't let it be a fear. "Bad guys" are out there and they aim to harm you and your family, but packing a gun and taking kickboxing classes can only somewhat prepare you for the moment. These tools are not fool proof, but they represent the preparation for the "bad guys" and that's all you can do. Prepare.
Don't expect bad things to happen to you. Expect good things. Great things. Wonderful things. Brace yourself and prepare for the bad things, but don't let them own you. Often, there are good things disguised as "bad guys". Not always, but sometimes.
My kids asked me to play blocks with them tonight. My head has about 100 things going on in it, so the invitation of taking round, square, triangle and rectangle shapes and creating something seemed appealing. Besides, I have awesome kids, so I am into whatever they are into.
Sometimes doing something that doesn't require a lot of thought is needed when you have a lot on your mind. For me, sadly, the brain doesn't shut off...unless I am drunk. That doesn't happen too often. Being drink isn't probably the best way to play blocks or Jenga. (I haven't had anything to drink tonight in case anyone was wondering).
We are all born with the need to accomplish goals. It's wired into our brain and there is not one person in this world that doesn't try to accomplish something. Even the laziest of people have the goal of doing nothing. Doing nothing is still something. That's probably the easiest of goals, right?
My daughter's goal was to build the tallest tower possible out of the blocks available. My son's goal was to destroy this tower as soon as it was finished. He agreed to give us at least 3 seconds to admire the structure before he did his best Godzilla impression. There is something to be said for the differences between young boys and girls.
Goals can be both healthy and unhealthy. Constructive and destructive. Positive and negative. Derived of love and hate. No matter the driving force, we are all goal oriented. Doctors want to heal people and addicts want to score more crack. Both are goals right?
There is a passage in my favorite Rudyard Kipling piece "If".
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
You can be goal oriented and focused, but be conscious and emotionally sensitive enough to not let your dreams and goals be your master. You cannot let your focus or your limited sight keep you from seeing the world around you. Yes, take yourself and your goals seriously. Treat them with the respect they deserve and never wane in your desire to grab them, but don't allow them to own you.
Own your dreams.
What would have happened if my son wasn't given the green light to destroy the block tower? He had no other focus. He was owned by his desire to hear the pieces fall to the ground by a barrage of pushes and kicks. Not allowing him or asking him to wait longer than 3 seconds would have resulted in anger or a lack of understanding. My son is funny, so he honestly would have taken great joy in the new challenge. He would have only tried harder, which is healthy, but his intention was to destroy!
What's the number of people you know in life that have unhealthy goals? Goals of self destruction are just as dangerous as allowing your healthy intentions own you. Losing 10 pounds is a great goal, but starving yourself or filling your body with chemicals isn't the healthiest thing for you. Yet, people do it every day because they are owned by the goal. Working out every day is terrific and it's something I do to stay healthy, but making the gym your second home is the act of taking something healthy and turning it into an obsession. Nothing healthy about obsessions.
Make goals attainable. Extremes are not attainable and they become unhealthy goals. These are pie in the sky dreams and not realistic. Chasing something impossible or something that doesn't exist is certainly not productive and will only bring additional stress and disappointment.
Start small. Block by block. Be realistic and keep your goals healthy. Do not allow them to become unhealthy and own you. Own your goals.
Just watch out for a 3 year old Godzilla.
Kids are cool. If you don't have any, you should go get some. Buy them. Steal them. Just get some. They are awesome tax deductions.
We have two. A girl and a boy. 6 and 3. We'll have more once we win the lottery. Becoming a father is the coolest thing I have ever done. Kids enhance anything you could ever experience.
Impromptu dance parties.
You wear Mickey Mouse ears with your name on the back for 5 days in a row. They ruin your clothes and they insist that you kiss them when they are covered in food or snot. You do it, because that's what you do.
Nobody goes to bed till the special blanket comes out of the dryer. There is no way around this-so remember to push the start button on the dryer or be prepared to stay up for another 45 minutes.
They eat the same 3 meals and still continue to grow.
If you have a pet, you are not a parent. To try to compare is idiotic. If you disagree, then explain to me who watches the dog when you are at work. I thought so. Kids make great excuses for when you don't want to hang out with certain people. They get sick when you want to hang out with others.
Kids are brutally honest, yet often lie when they fear the consequences. They are amazed to find out that you already knew a song or a joke that they just learned. They are disappointed to hear that you didn't have an iPad when you were 6.
They swear on accident and you try not to laugh.
They fart. Only in public places and they share this event with everyone in the room. They wear stickers like badges of honor and don't understand why they don't survive the wash. Playing and killing each other happens at the same time.
Cardboard boxes are cars, boats, space shuttles and all modes of transportation in between. All you need is a marker. Wardrobe changes are more frequent than an awards show and are more creative than Lady Gaga could ever imagine.
Tears of sadness and laughter can occur at the same exact moment.
They screw up the words to songs, but their version makes those songs better. They enjoy the stuff you enjoy because they see how much you love those things. You'll spend more time untangling their fishing line than you will baiting their hook. Good luck ever casting your own line.
Be honestly interested in what they love. Encourage them in their interests and never make them feel embarrassed by their passions. No matter how silly they might be. Kids will give you more than you will ever be able to provide for them.
Learning to whistle is like winning the Super Bowl.
Children bring a lot into perspective. They keep you from taking yourself too seriously. They make you believe in yourself. They prevent you from settling or failure. More motivating than any pep talk or self help book.
You can accomplish many things in life. You can win all kinds of trophies that collect dust on the mantle. You can crush goals, raise the bar and make millions. It doesn't mean anything and is fruitless if you screw your kids up in the process
And remember...."Poop" is the funniest word in the world.