Almost the entire time I was growing up it seemed like
someone was living with us? My parents would have friends that were going
through difficult times and those people always seemed to end up living in our
guest bedroom or couch.
Wives would throw them out or they would lose their jobs
or go through some sort of rough patch in life and they would find themselves
sitting at our dinner table. They were all good people and my parents would
never expose us to anyone that they didn't trust. You have to understand that
my dad is a very intimidating man and feared by many, but deep down inside, had
a soft spot for people who just needed a little help from time to time.
Needless to say I called a lot of people I wasn't related to "uncle"
while growing up. It sounds more
official and easier to explain when introducing these people to friends.
"Uncle Rick" makes more sense than "This is Rick. His girlfriend
through him out of the house and he lost his job, so he's staying with us till
he gets back in his feet". Know what I mean?
When we first moved to Texas, one of the first friends my
dad made was Doug. Doug and his wife and kids loved just around the corner and
Doug worked with my dad. With Doug living around the corner, he and my dad
drove to work together and because of all these conveniences, they naturally
became drinking buddies. How he got the nickname "Deputy" is for
another time and another story.
dad made was Doug. Doug and his wife and kids loved just around the corner and
Doug worked with my dad. With Doug living around the corner, he and my dad
drove to work together and because of all these conveniences, they naturally
became drinking buddies. How he got the nickname "Deputy" is for
another time and another story.
Fast forward several years later...
We moved away, Doug and his wife divorced and Doug moved
in with us. You know the stories or see movies about people who become
"broken"? In short, that's
what happened to Doug. A few years later, after he moved away to Houston, Doug
died from what could be considered a mixture of alcohol and a broken heart. For
reasons that I am still not sure about till this day, Doug's ashes were given
to us. Not to his ex-wife. Not to his children, not to his family, but
bequeathed to a group of his closest friends.
in with us. You know the stories or see movies about people who become
"broken"? In short, that's
what happened to Doug. A few years later, after he moved away to Houston, Doug
died from what could be considered a mixture of alcohol and a broken heart. For
reasons that I am still not sure about till this day, Doug's ashes were given
to us. Not to his ex-wife. Not to his children, not to his family, but
bequeathed to a group of his closest friends.
What to do with dead Doug's ashes?
Doug loved Texas. In his youth he camped out for days and
traveled the back roads of the hill country. He knew every hole in the wall bar
in every county of central Texas and beyond. Doug had a very southern accent
and after just 2 beers, he would get harder to understand and sound drunk-even
when he wasn't.
traveled the back roads of the hill country. He knew every hole in the wall bar
in every county of central Texas and beyond. Doug had a very southern accent
and after just 2 beers, he would get harder to understand and sound drunk-even
when he wasn't.
He was once thrown out of Luckenbach Texas by a bartender
named Margie for sounding "too drunk". You gotta sound pretty drunk
to get thrown out of a bar in Texas. Perhaps it was more because Doug was a
terrible tipper? Doug getting thrown out, resulted in my dad and his friends
having to leave as well. You can't let your buddy just sit in the car for hours
and wait! Well you can, but it's just
not nice. This woman was a chip on his shoulder for years and my dad never
pulled any punches when making fun of Doug while telling this story. Margie was
about to receive a "gift" from Doug from beyond the grave. Doug's
best friend Bo hatched an idea and decided to take some of Doug back to
Luckenbach with him and to pay a visit to then woman that gave all of Doug's
friends so much storytelling ammo.
named Margie for sounding "too drunk". You gotta sound pretty drunk
to get thrown out of a bar in Texas. Perhaps it was more because Doug was a
terrible tipper? Doug getting thrown out, resulted in my dad and his friends
having to leave as well. You can't let your buddy just sit in the car for hours
and wait! Well you can, but it's just
not nice. This woman was a chip on his shoulder for years and my dad never
pulled any punches when making fun of Doug while telling this story. Margie was
about to receive a "gift" from Doug from beyond the grave. Doug's
best friend Bo hatched an idea and decided to take some of Doug back to
Luckenbach with him and to pay a visit to then woman that gave all of Doug's
friends so much storytelling ammo.
Bo bellied up to the bar, ordered a beer and tipped the
woman with a very special dollar bill. The same dollar bill, that just a few
days prior, was dampened and then rolled in Doug's ashes. Only a close group of
people know this story and to my knowledge, it has never been shared on this
level till today.
woman with a very special dollar bill. The same dollar bill, that just a few
days prior, was dampened and then rolled in Doug's ashes. Only a close group of
people know this story and to my knowledge, it has never been shared on this
level till today.
We poured a little bit of Doug in the Pedernales River,
in hopes that he would travel to the gulf and a little bit of Doug would end up
in the folds of a bikini wearing spring breaker.
in hopes that he would travel to the gulf and a little bit of Doug would end up
in the folds of a bikini wearing spring breaker.
We bought a peach tree, Doug's favorite, and poured some
of Doug in their as well. We shot guns into the hole and poured a little beer
and whiskey in for good measure before planting the tree. We did a few other
things with his remains, but nothing more epic than what I shared already. We
still miss Deputy Doug, but we don't have to travel far to think of him.
of Doug in their as well. We shot guns into the hole and poured a little beer
and whiskey in for good measure before planting the tree. We did a few other
things with his remains, but nothing more epic than what I shared already. We
still miss Deputy Doug, but we don't have to travel far to think of him.
When I see or hear stories about how families fight over
what they want to do with the deceased or when they bury people or get them
cremated, even if that person never wanted to get cremated or buried in a
certain location, I always think about Doug. As we get older we tend to know
more dead people so the thought crosses my mind more today than before. Doug
had no plan for what would happen to him after he died; most likely because he
died at such an early age. Nobody wanted him and his remains were left to a
group of friends to deal with. Nobody fought over Doug and we all just agreed
that his remains were our responsively and they would be scattered across all
of Texas. No one place to come visit him in peace, but rather letting his
spirit live on everywhere you looked. Knowing what a free spirit, go with the
flow kind of guy he was, I am sure he is tickled by how we dispensed of his
ashes. We would especially be happy to know that some of our actions were
borderline illegal or had shades of bad intentions.
what they want to do with the deceased or when they bury people or get them
cremated, even if that person never wanted to get cremated or buried in a
certain location, I always think about Doug. As we get older we tend to know
more dead people so the thought crosses my mind more today than before. Doug
had no plan for what would happen to him after he died; most likely because he
died at such an early age. Nobody wanted him and his remains were left to a
group of friends to deal with. Nobody fought over Doug and we all just agreed
that his remains were our responsively and they would be scattered across all
of Texas. No one place to come visit him in peace, but rather letting his
spirit live on everywhere you looked. Knowing what a free spirit, go with the
flow kind of guy he was, I am sure he is tickled by how we dispensed of his
ashes. We would especially be happy to know that some of our actions were
borderline illegal or had shades of bad intentions.
People, especially when they bury family members like
parents and grandparents, try to make the whole thing about them. They bury a
parent in a cemetery closer to them so they don't have to travel any farther
than they need to visit the grave or they think that the last request of the
deceased was stupid and instead, make the decision to do something they deemed
more practical.
parents and grandparents, try to make the whole thing about them. They bury a
parent in a cemetery closer to them so they don't have to travel any farther
than they need to visit the grave or they think that the last request of the
deceased was stupid and instead, make the decision to do something they deemed
more practical.
I think the final resting place should be determined by
the decreased. If they want their ashes scattered under 2nd base of the little
league field they played on 50 years ago, then it's up to us to see that this
happens. If they want to be buried in a plot next to another family member in a
particular city, we should honor that as well. If my wife passes before me and
wants to be buried at a cemetery near the ocean, I would honor that. Even if my
final resting place is 1000 miles away. Yes, It would be a burden on my kids to
travel so far to see both of us, but if you look at it spiritually, it's not
like people need a shrine to truly remember the people they love.
the decreased. If they want their ashes scattered under 2nd base of the little
league field they played on 50 years ago, then it's up to us to see that this
happens. If they want to be buried in a plot next to another family member in a
particular city, we should honor that as well. If my wife passes before me and
wants to be buried at a cemetery near the ocean, I would honor that. Even if my
final resting place is 1000 miles away. Yes, It would be a burden on my kids to
travel so far to see both of us, but if you look at it spiritually, it's not
like people need a shrine to truly remember the people they love.
My family and I have lots of great stories about Doug and
we never needed a stone to jog those memories. We don't need to physically
travel to think about the people we love. We just need to think about them and
smile.
we never needed a stone to jog those memories. We don't need to physically
travel to think about the people we love. We just need to think about them and
smile.
I have 2 brothers and a grandmother buried next to each
other in Blanco County and I miss them every day. They are an hour away and I
pop in from time to time to squat down and pray for them or have a one sided
conversation in my head. I miss them, but I don't feel guilty for not stopping
by as often as I can.
other in Blanco County and I miss them every day. They are an hour away and I
pop in from time to time to squat down and pray for them or have a one sided
conversation in my head. I miss them, but I don't feel guilty for not stopping
by as often as I can.
People live on in your heart and the stories you tell.
They say you die twice. Once when you leave this earth and once after the last
person that knows you passes away. Through my stories and blogs, I hope to
extend that second one for as long as I can.
They say you die twice. Once when you leave this earth and once after the last
person that knows you passes away. Through my stories and blogs, I hope to
extend that second one for as long as I can.
Anything and everything that "built character"
my siblings and I convinced ourselves that it was something we needed to do. My
parents would use this phrase often to get us to do chores or tasks that were
not always the most fun. Adding the phrase "it builds character" to
tasks is the equivalent to saying "do this and you'll get a surprise"
or in our case "do this and mom and dad won't beat you".
my siblings and I convinced ourselves that it was something we needed to do. My
parents would use this phrase often to get us to do chores or tasks that were
not always the most fun. Adding the phrase "it builds character" to
tasks is the equivalent to saying "do this and you'll get a surprise"
or in our case "do this and mom and dad won't beat you".
Let me be clear. We thought it was all bullshit, but we
still did it. We just needed to feel like we were getting something out of the
chore. Kind of like when the car dealership gives you free oil changes for 2
years. "You just spent $30,000 with us so here's a few oil changes".
You walk away feeling like you beat them and got the better end of the deal. We
knew we were not going to get paid or awarded ice cream for doing the
assignment, but it's always nice to feel like you're going to get something out
of it-regardless if you actually do. In hindsight, these chores gave us tons of
stories. When it comes to my brothers Michael and Jimmy, all I got left is
stories.
still did it. We just needed to feel like we were getting something out of the
chore. Kind of like when the car dealership gives you free oil changes for 2
years. "You just spent $30,000 with us so here's a few oil changes".
You walk away feeling like you beat them and got the better end of the deal. We
knew we were not going to get paid or awarded ice cream for doing the
assignment, but it's always nice to feel like you're going to get something out
of it-regardless if you actually do. In hindsight, these chores gave us tons of
stories. When it comes to my brothers Michael and Jimmy, all I got left is
stories.
Most of you reading this have probably never rotated a
pile of wood in order to age the stack evenly. Let me guess, you have no clue
what I am saying right? It's when you
have a long and tall pile of firewood and you take the wood on the bottom and
put it on top and then take the wood on the top and put it on the bottom. This
way, the pile ages and dries evenly. Not too dry and not too green when it
burns. For my dad, who often referred to himself as his comic book avenger name
"Captain Furnace" (he made us do this as well), this was important in
the house heating process. Too much of each, dry or green, can eventually cause
issues with your furnace. I'm guessing you never had to do this? I'm betting that it’s not that important in
the grand scheme of things, but again, it built character and if it did that,
then it must be done!
pile of wood in order to age the stack evenly. Let me guess, you have no clue
what I am saying right? It's when you
have a long and tall pile of firewood and you take the wood on the bottom and
put it on top and then take the wood on the top and put it on the bottom. This
way, the pile ages and dries evenly. Not too dry and not too green when it
burns. For my dad, who often referred to himself as his comic book avenger name
"Captain Furnace" (he made us do this as well), this was important in
the house heating process. Too much of each, dry or green, can eventually cause
issues with your furnace. I'm guessing you never had to do this? I'm betting that it’s not that important in
the grand scheme of things, but again, it built character and if it did that,
then it must be done!
Michael and I would tackle this task the best way we knew
how-we made a game out of it. Since we didn't own a wheelbarrow with an
inflated wheel, we would have to move this wood from one fence line to the
other by hand. The fences were about 40 yards from one another, so the process
went like this-take the wood from the top of one stack and put it on the bottom
of the newly created stack. You could always load your own arms up with wood
and carry your logs from pile to pile or you could make a game out of it and
that's just what we did.
how-we made a game out of it. Since we didn't own a wheelbarrow with an
inflated wheel, we would have to move this wood from one fence line to the
other by hand. The fences were about 40 yards from one another, so the process
went like this-take the wood from the top of one stack and put it on the bottom
of the newly created stack. You could always load your own arms up with wood
and carry your logs from pile to pile or you could make a game out of it and
that's just what we did.
While one kid had his arms out, the other would stack log
after log into the cradle of the extended arms till the other kid started to
buckle and then you loaded two more really fast, just to push the "human
wheelbarrow" a little farther. The goal was to move as quickly as you
could, from stack to stack, before the load would fall out of your arms. Often,
like a Seeing Eye dog, we would have to guide each other during the 40 yard
trip because the stack was above the level of your head. This "game"
was a lot easier in the cold weather as warmer weather meant fire ant season.
Nothing made you move faster than realizing you had an armload of ants.
after log into the cradle of the extended arms till the other kid started to
buckle and then you loaded two more really fast, just to push the "human
wheelbarrow" a little farther. The goal was to move as quickly as you
could, from stack to stack, before the load would fall out of your arms. Often,
like a Seeing Eye dog, we would have to guide each other during the 40 yard
trip because the stack was above the level of your head. This "game"
was a lot easier in the cold weather as warmer weather meant fire ant season.
Nothing made you move faster than realizing you had an armload of ants.
No matter how strong I got, Michael could always lift
more logs. Yes, he was older and bigger than me, but that's not why he could
carry more wood. Michael had a "super power" that many never knew
about. As adults, we both grew to be
about 5'9", but if you measured him from middle finger tip to middle
finger tip, arms stretched out, Michael was 6'3". He was a human monkey!
When it comes to boxing and carrying wood, both things he was better than me
at, this length is very important. It also helped him hold things over our
heads when he was being a jerk. (C'mon Patty!
Can't you reach it?).
more logs. Yes, he was older and bigger than me, but that's not why he could
carry more wood. Michael had a "super power" that many never knew
about. As adults, we both grew to be
about 5'9", but if you measured him from middle finger tip to middle
finger tip, arms stretched out, Michael was 6'3". He was a human monkey!
When it comes to boxing and carrying wood, both things he was better than me
at, this length is very important. It also helped him hold things over our
heads when he was being a jerk. (C'mon Patty!
Can't you reach it?).
Season after season we would rotate the pile so that we
would be ready for a potential long winter. Yes, I grew up in Texas, so the
amount of wood burned by "Captain Furnace" was not close to what
people do in northern Michigan, but this was the only fuel we had when it came
to heating our house for the winter.
would be ready for a potential long winter. Yes, I grew up in Texas, so the
amount of wood burned by "Captain Furnace" was not close to what
people do in northern Michigan, but this was the only fuel we had when it came
to heating our house for the winter.
How many things do you do each day that "build
character"? As adults are we still
building character or do we feel, as a reward for surviving childhood, we have
paid all the appropriate dues? I am not
trying to be the old man shaking his fist at the young kids running on the lawn
or going too fast through the neighborhood, but are the kids these days getting
the opportunities to build character?
Are we pushing them in a way to make them stronger mentally and
physically? Are we asking them to
#Tryharder? Are we providing bonding opportunities that require them to come up
with a creative way of making the time go by as a team (while still
accomplishing the task)? Are we giving our kids or the next generation a pass
because we are wanting them to have it better, but robbing them of the
knowledge and experience that comes with the journey? I know, a lot of questions to consider.
character"? As adults are we still
building character or do we feel, as a reward for surviving childhood, we have
paid all the appropriate dues? I am not
trying to be the old man shaking his fist at the young kids running on the lawn
or going too fast through the neighborhood, but are the kids these days getting
the opportunities to build character?
Are we pushing them in a way to make them stronger mentally and
physically? Are we asking them to
#Tryharder? Are we providing bonding opportunities that require them to come up
with a creative way of making the time go by as a team (while still
accomplishing the task)? Are we giving our kids or the next generation a pass
because we are wanting them to have it better, but robbing them of the
knowledge and experience that comes with the journey? I know, a lot of questions to consider.
Although we knew our parents were using "builds
character" to get us to feel like we were gaining something in exchange
for accomplishing these tasks, we did put forth the effort to attack the chore. We knew we were building something, but maybe
didn’t quite yet have the maturity to actualize what that exactly was yet.
Other phrases like "it will put hair on your chest" would probably
accomplish the same thing, because what young boys don't want hair on their
chest? Yet, my parents were wise enough
to know that a hairy chest would not have motivated my sister the same way.
This was very forward thinking of them don't you think?
character" to get us to feel like we were gaining something in exchange
for accomplishing these tasks, we did put forth the effort to attack the chore. We knew we were building something, but maybe
didn’t quite yet have the maturity to actualize what that exactly was yet.
Other phrases like "it will put hair on your chest" would probably
accomplish the same thing, because what young boys don't want hair on their
chest? Yet, my parents were wise enough
to know that a hairy chest would not have motivated my sister the same way.
This was very forward thinking of them don't you think?
Again, not to sound like an old man, but often kids and
the early millennials today want to see the benefit or reward before they even
start the task. They want to be assured that they are not being
"tricked" into knowledge and want a copy of the test before they
start to study. "Tell ya what, gimme the Cliff notes and maybe I'll read
the book". They want to learn, but
they want a guarantee. In some ways they
are wiser than us, but I think for the most part they might be missing the
whole point.
the early millennials today want to see the benefit or reward before they even
start the task. They want to be assured that they are not being
"tricked" into knowledge and want a copy of the test before they
start to study. "Tell ya what, gimme the Cliff notes and maybe I'll read
the book". They want to learn, but
they want a guarantee. In some ways they
are wiser than us, but I think for the most part they might be missing the
whole point.
Trust me, there are times I wish I knew the life lesson
before I was forced to experience the journey. Honestly, what's the fun in that? You have to actually stack the
logs before you learn how many you can carry. You have to experience the
"load" of life before you learn how much you can take.
before I was forced to experience the journey. Honestly, what's the fun in that? You have to actually stack the
logs before you learn how many you can carry. You have to experience the
"load" of life before you learn how much you can take.