You need to pick your mentor. You can’t pick your nickname. 

You can’t pick your nickname!  Nicknames are things that are given to you by your peers and family. You can’t wake up one morning and start calling yourself by a much catchier and cooler name. If we could nickname ourselves, the we’d all walk around with awesome names like “Goose” or “Maverick” or “chick magnet”.  More often than not, nicknames are derogatory and don’t always showcase our finer features and attributes.  They can often be ironic.  “Slim” for a fat person. “Tiny” for a super tall guy.  

Nicknames get attached to you and sometimes you have to age out of them in order to get rid yourself of the title. You can shuck your high school nickname when you head to college, as long as none of your high school friends attend that same university. Also, when arriving to campus don’t introduce yourself like “Hi, my name is Bill, but my friends call me Boner”. Be smarter than that. If your family calls you “Boner”, well then you’re stuck with that thing for the rest of your life and it could end up on your headstone when you die. “Here lies Boner...now he’s stiff AND dead”. 

I have had the same nickname for over 20 years. “Chase” has been my stage name since 1997. After I graduated college and moved to Little Rock for my career, I was told that I had to change my name because we had hired two other people named Pat/Patti. So the first Patti hired got to keep her name because it already had equity in the market. The second Patti was hired at the same time I was and, just like me, was new to the city.  She changed her name to “Lindy”. I had been Pat Murphy my entire life and career. I basically had 24 hours before I was going to go on the radio for the first time in that city, so we had to come up with something quick, catchy and could possibly stick with me for the rest of my career. We gathered a bunch of people from work and sat at a blues bar, in downtown Little Rock, called the “Blue Moon Purple Onion” (R.I.P.) and kept drinking till we found a good name. 

My boss’s wife shouted “How about SHAY MUR-FAY”. She loved the name Shay for a guy. I couldn’t stand it! My whole body clinched with stress as I hoped that everyone at that table would hate that name as much as I did. So I’m a gay, French guy?  That would not be great for my brand or my dating life since I am neither gay nor French. So I said to the group “I came to this city to work, drink beer and chase women”.  The boss liked the name Chase, so we went with it. 

And now you know the origin of the name. Five months later I met my wife, so I didn’t get to chase too many ladies with this name. One could say that my stage/nickname is now ironic. 

So nicknames have to be given, but mentors need to be chosen. They both define you in some way. The nickname is a shortened descriptive way of explaining to OTHERS who you are. A mentor helps YOU to figure out who you are. 

It’s important to have a mentor. No matter how high up the ladder you climb or how big of a deal you become, you need at least one person to help you along the way. The greatest politicians, athletes and CEOs in our world all have mentors and coaches. Outside of family, you need a guardian angel. Someone that has your best interest in mind and doesn’t mind telling you the things you need to hear. You need to find these people because it just doesn’t work when they are found for you. 

I’ve worked in some places over the years where the bosses try to pair you up with people they feel will be great for your career. They set up these very awkward blind dates and just expect you to embrace the teachings of this mentor because they (your bosses) feel that this is the person that will get you where you need to be in your career and life, but it rarely works. It’s great that they are showing an interesting in investing in your career, but quite often they just want to paint you in their image. They want to point you in the direction they want you to go and force you into some form of like-minded culture. Long term, for you, it just doesn’t work. 

I tried it and I hated it. Maybe it was me? Maybe it was them? Maybe it was the whole situation and trying to buy into someone that you don’t think is smart enough or relatable enough to be your guide? It’s difficult to look someone in the eye that is more than a decade younger and with half the life and career experience you have. They have different interests and passions. They don’t know how to help you and you don’t really want their help. The journey needs to be mutually beneficial, which is why you need to choose your mentors. 

You need to decide where you want to go in life/career and is this the person that you could see yourself listening to in order to get you there. Do you see yourself respecting this person?  Will this be a person that, even when you’ve moved on to your next task, endeavor or phase in life, you could still learn from and communicate with?  Again, your bosses will get you someone that will help make you better for them, but you need that person that will make you better for yourself. The people I have mentored throughout my life have always become friends and I make myself available to them beyond their career needs; and do so because it’s the right thing to do. The mentors in my life feel the same way about me. It’s just a big old love fest! 

Nicknames are going to be thrust upon you, but you get to choose your mentors. You don’t always get to choose the way people view you, but you can #Tryharder to work towards becoming the person you to strive to be.