My 5 year old daughter started school this week. It's a big deal in the Murphy household. I was trying to come up with some important words of advice. Something both sage and relevant to the mind of a 5 year old girl. Something she could take with her and use as a foundation for her education.
When 7am rolled around, Erin came to me to say goodbye before she headed off to school. I got down on my knees, at eye level with my daughter, and gave her a big hug. I pulled back and said to her these words....
"Buddy (that's what I call her) make sure to listen to your teacher, always raise your hand and if you have any questions, just ask". As I take a deep breath to give her the next meaningful line, my daughter reached out with her right hand, placed it on my cheek and said (while rolling her eyes) "Daddy, it's going to be ok. If I have any questions, I will ask my teacher. I have to go to school now". (leans in and kisses me) "I will see you when you get home..I love you".
My daughter just "big timed me".
Erin taught me a lesson. You see, you can't get so caught up in the events that you forget to take in the experience. To get so consumed by the "moment" that you forget to just enjoy what is about to happen. I was so fixated and trying to make an impact on her, forgot that this was her moment. Yes, it was just as much my moment as a father, but she was about to start her journey of education and she wanted to get started ASAP. Like someone getting ready to ride a roller coaster, she had no intention of standing in line. Bring on the ups and downs and don't dwell on the details!
Like many people, I get caught up in the moment and forget to take a deep breath, look around and realize what is happening. My head gets all wrapped up in the gravity of things and, like any dad who wants to hold his little girl for just a little while longer, I need to let go. Loosen up. Take in the moment, put my hands in the air and let my stomach shoot up into my throat while life takes me on a 90mph barrel roll.
The words didn't come to me as I was choking back the tears and saying goodbye. It wasn't till later, after reflecting upon the moment, did I remember a line from the movie Ferris Bueller's day off that pretty much summed up the moment.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it".
Amen.
Sometimes in life you have to start over. It could be from a divorce, going back to school, making the transition from one career to another or when stay in the same profession and just change companies. Change and starting over is stressful and regardless of the transition, you wil doubt yourself and your abilities.
I have never personally experienced divorce in my life. Parents are still together 40+ years and I have been with the same woman for over 14. I have had friends go through it and I have seen the toll it takes on them physically and mentally. I graduated college in 97 and have no plans on going back Billy Maddison stlye (Oh Veronica Vaughn). For the exception of trying to dabble in a few other things before radio, I have never really changed professions. Titles yes, but all within the realm of things that pertain to radio and business. I have however changed companies and that is difficult at any level.
You climb as far up the ladder as you can, only to realize that there is not another "rung" for you where you are at. So you take a look around and see what's available at another company. You apply, they hire you and you find yourself climbing again, but this time your starting point is different. You start to wonder if the grass is really greener and which company conducted business better-your old company or your new company. Chances are there are great things about both. Even though the new company has a different system and new techniques, doesn't mean you can't inject things that were great about the old company. Regardless of the business model, all successful companies make room for good ideas. Just make sure that these are good practices and not just things of "comfort".
Meaning, are you hanging onto these techniques and practices because they are familiar to you. Be careful not to constantly remind people where you came from and how they did it "better". There will always be things that the last job or company did better, but make sure to decipher between "better" and "comfort". It's healthy to remove yourself from what you feel is comfortable and safe. In order to grow and change, you have to remain open minded and understand that there might be 1000 ways to do it right. Remember you left the old company to GROW not just to repeat the same process you did with your new company. Even in situations where you were hired to turn things around and fix the place, you have to remain open minded and be able to merge all of the "good" together.
If you lack the guts to run up the score on your goals- then having a job where anything is “measured” is not for you. In my field of work, almost everything can be measured and monitored. I am surrounded by numbers and metrics all day. (Sorry kids, running radio stations isn’t all about playing rock music and meeting cool artists).
Any goal that is written is real. Goals based on statistics are certainly real and should be looked at as a challenge. These goals should not only be hit, but CRUSHED (go long).
I have heard of people “sand bagging” numbers so that they don’t have to work harder to beat them next month, next quarter, next year, etc. Meaning, once they hit a goal the backed off in an effort to make life easier for themselves when they are competing with those numbers. Those people would have a hard time working for me or convincing me that this method is a good idea!
I heard a story of a Program Director that didn't allow his station to live up to its full potential because he was afraid that if he did, another company would put on a competitor. That, to me, is INSANE! To not go for the gold, to not allow yourself and others to feel what it is like to dominate is a damn shame. Not only is that guy a "sand bagger", but he just put himself into another competitive predicament. Someone might perceive him as weak now and launch a station to take advantage of his position. Lord knows I have done this and made a pretty good living out of doing it!
Why would you not want to run up the score in life? To feel the reward of living up to your full potential. To revel in the moment as everyone scrambles to keep up with you. To know that you have reached a level in career or in life that set a new bar for others to try to reach.
Records are meant to be broken. Goals are meant to be set higher and people are programmed to want more. Don't waste your energy and potential by playing it safe. Run up the score. Go for 2 points. Dunk the ball. You owe it to yourself and others. You owe it to your competition...it will make them better and that's ok. They will be the ones who will help you dig deeper and push you even closer to your full potential.
Pull the trigger.
My dad has been in construction since he was 17. His father and grandfather before were both railroad. I have been in radio since I was 20.
My dad and I are both self made men. Breaking free from the family business and doing something different than anyone else before us. We both became managers at a pretty young age and our ways of motivating people is quite different. My way is through positive reinforcement..my dad's way requires lots of swearing and threats. Look, there's a 1000 or more ways to be effective and successful.
When I became a manager at 24, my father gave me two pieces of advice . "Remember, you are not there to make friends" and "If you are going to fire someone, do it on the 1st floor". How the second one relates to the radio business, I have no idea. Yet, just to be safe, I have pretty much fired everyone on the first floor. In my father's field of construction, that one makes a lot of sense.
My advise to my kids, if they decide to become managers, might be a bit different. Like my dad, I would give them advice that pertains to my field of work-regardless of what they end up doing.
My advice in 5 parts:
Be fair. Allow others to speak freely and express their concerns and opinions.
Be firm. Once a decision has been made-you stand and lead by that decision.
Be honest. Do not lie to people, even when the truth hurts them. Do not allow others to lie to you.
Be calm. Leaders never let their team see them rattled or in a weak position. Yes, we are all human, but people want to led by a person who is confident.
Be a good person. Never do something that embarrass your team. Be the person you know you should be and try to live up to those expectations.
For those of you who are not "too cool" to read poetry-one of these first things I do, when walking into my office to start a new job, is hang the words to "If" by Rudyard Kipling on the wall next to my desk. If you have never read this poem, google it sometime today. It's pretty much me in a nutshell.
Pull the trigger.
Sometimes I fail to listen to my own advice.
If you've read my blog or know me personally, you would know that I am a pretty positive, forward thinking, person. I never let others see me rattled. I always preach to do the right thing and constantly find a way to put a positive spin on any challenge.
Sometimes, like anyone, I get caught up in the weight of the things around me. I know I shouldn't, but my mind (and sometimes my body) loads up on me and I feel the weight of the world applying pressure on my chest.
The world does not apply this pressure...I do.
Sometimes life is a lot to take in. Especially when you are preoccupied with a lot of little things that turn into a BIG thing. In the past 8 months, I have started a new job, doubled my workload, bought a new house, moved to a new city, sold the old house, flown to be a part of 2 weddings and the list goes on and on. Anything that takes you out of your comfort zone can apply new pressure upon you. My daughter starts kindergarten this month. My stay at home wife....ELATED. Me? A huge ball of stress over this and ready to cry at a moments notice.
Do not get caught up in the minutia of the day to day. Understand that these are just "things" and soon they will be either in the past or part of your future day to day routine. Change is good. It helps you test yourself, you learn from it and become stronger. Change is the thing in life that helps you achieve goals and create new ones. Forcing yourself to leave the nest of the norm will give you the opportunity to see things differently, influence new people and allow those people to influence you.
Stop letting the sum of many things cloud your mind and not let you see the light of possibilities. Wake up, man up and stop being a pansy. Take the STFU pill and remember it's just "stuff" and it too will pass.
There, I needed that. Thanks. You are welcome. Go back to playing words with friends....
To walk through life with your head down and hope and pray that you can just get by and continue to "make it through" just another day is a terrible way to waste a life. Yet, every day that's what many people do. Keep their head down. Pass on the opportunity to make a difference. Walk with no purpose.
I often think that I am the only person who wants to get to work in the morning. People who drive 45 in a 65, oblivious to the rest of the world and taking their sweet time to get to point A, drive me nuts. I'm not talking about grandma with her blue hair in curlers, I'm talking about the people who go through life with a permanent squint and ready to flinch at everything around them.
Life will, at some point, punch you in the baby maker. Its what you do with yourself after that moment that molds and defines your character. You may not know what to do when it happens or realize the gravity of the event till later in life. My first "baby maker punch" occurred when I was 11. It was a traumatic and life altering event that I truly believe redefined me and set me on the course to be the person I am today. I chose to allow this negative moment push me towards the light of positive. At 11 I didn't realize it, but years later It clicked.
Have you had a defining moment? Has it come and gone? If you can identify the event and realize how it molded you-good. If It took you on a path of life that causes you to keep your head down, drive like an old woman and walk without purpose; you still have time to right the ship. You need to be honest with yourself and realize you have it in you to change. It might take some work and you will definitely get punched in the baby maker again. So what. Pick your damn head up, push your right foot on the gas and start walking with some purpose.
Pull the trigger.