Every once in a while, my dad hits me with some sound advice and other times he completely misses the mark. It’s your right as a parent. You're supposed to say some stuff and some of it will work, while some of it just doesn’t. You throw enough gems out there to your kids, eventually one or two of them will land and make a difference. It’s the Law of Parental Advice Averages!
Like when I became a manager for the first time and Big Jim (my dad) said “If you’re going to fire someone, do it on the first floor.” Well, to most of us, that really doesn’t apply. Like what does that mean? What does it matter if I do it on the second floor or the third? Well, my dad spent more than 50 years working in construction, so if you fire someone on say the 5th floor of a job site, you now have to walk that person down 5 flights of stairs before they are out of the building.
A lot can happen during that walk, especially if the person getting fired decides that they don’t want to go easily. They want to fight you or worse, throw you off the side of the building. The construction industry has a handful of people who might have done some prison time for doing this or that and a few of them might be open to shanking you as they leave the building with their last paycheck. So, if you work as a manager in construction, that is sound advice. Fire them on the first floor so the fight won’t be that long and they can’t shove you off the side of the building to your death. Sound advice.
I wrote a blog a few years ago about it, read it here: https://www.chasemradio.com/2016/07/fire-people-first-floor.html
I was not working in construction as a first time manager, so I just nodded and told him thanks. He felt like he just shared with me the meaning of life, so I didn’t want to ruin his moment. Truth be told, it took me a week before I realized the benefits of this advice. Whenever I can, I will try to fire people on the first floor. Maybe that advice will come in handy for you one day? You sure are getting a lot of advice in this chapter!
Our parents grew up in different times and their thought processes and beliefs don’t always make eye contact with ours. My dad wants people to know he is right. His generation feeds off of being right and is willing to engage with you in a shouting match or ever worse. When you win an argument (or you physically beat someone up to prove your point) you want that person to know you won. You bested them. Owned them. Looked them in the eyes and stole their soul! Personally, I have always felt there were better ways of accomplishing that goal (if that is even a healthy goal?)
When we all reach a certain age, we start to argue with our parents or at least questions their comments. We ask “why” and then try to convince them that our way might be a bit more enlightened. Except for me. I prefer not to argue with Big Jim because it does me absolutely no good. Nothing I say will convince him that I am right and if I continue to try to make my point, he only gets louder and dives deeper into why I am wrong . I am his only living son and a good part of the Murphy name rests on my shoulders, so just for lineage sake, I don’t put myself in situations that would temp my dad to kill me! Honestly, if you met my father, you would understand why.
I assure you, I am not a coward. I’m just built different. I am not trying to make peace or be a “good” son. I just prefer to focus my time and energy on something that really matter to me…momentum. My goal is to try to always be in a constant and perpetual state of momentum. Stopping to argue about something that doesn’t bring me happiness is ridiculous to me. To me, achieving and living in happiness is winning. Winning arguments does not bring me true happiness. #Tryharder to seek happiness.
I don’t need the room or the other person to believe I am right. I don’t need to “wrestle” with their opinion down 5 flights of stairs. The true power in the argument is grace. Letting them say what they need to say, argue their point and insist that others agree; all while I smile and nod and never truly engage in the battle, but maybe ask a few questions so that I understand why they feel this way. They didn’t convince me or “best” me. I allow them to lose their temper and let their nostrils flare while I simply choose grace, happiness and momentum. That is winning. Those words can be just as effective as shanking someone in the kidney, but without all the jail time! As far as I know, nobody has ever gone to prison for giving grace and moving forward with their time and energy.
Even when you know you’re right, being the bigger person and being gracious to shorten or end the argument is always the right thing to do, no matter what your parents tell you. I promise you, it’s a very powerful thing. You will never lose when choosing happiness.
But, just in case, it’s probably still a good idea to take a self-defense class or learn how to make a shank from a toothbrush.
HA! Here’s a how to video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciu-AvINtfI