Truth be told, I've been scared my whole life.
Scared with school, career, choices, getting married,
becoming a father, etc. You name it; almost every experience in life has come
with a certain amount of fear. Fear of
failing, losing, getting fired; break ups, screwing up the kids, etc. The list
goes on. To say that you are not guilty of any of this is a lie. We are all
scared shitless about something. Fear
comes with life. I can't count the number
of times I've thrown up before doing things or skipped meals and lost sleep
over my nerves.
In time, certain experiences or events become less scary.
Either through repetition or growth, you eventually weaken their hold over you
or you manage to grow beyond most of your fears.
Yet, fear is always there. It never completely goes away
and that's good.
My niece stayed with us for a few weeks this summer. I
really enjoy having her visit! I love
her like she's my own and when I look into her eyes; I see a lot of my
brother. It hurts, but the joy of
getting a glimpse of my brother is worth the pain.
If you have ever been to a theme park or attraction, then
chances are you have ridden something or have avoided riding something that
scares the heck out of you. As we climbed the stairs towards the top of this
very high ride, you could see the tears well up in her eyes. She was scared. Clinging to the handrail as
she took each step, there were moments when I considered letting her off the
hook. I thought about taking her to do
something else, while my wife and kids finished the climb to the top of the
ride, but that would have been a terrible idea. You need to challenge the
things that scare you. Even fun things.
At the height of her fear, I said "Phoebe, I will
guarantee you that this will be your favorite ride of the day". Less than
4 minutes later, at the end of the ride, her teary eyes were gone and replaced
with the biggest smile you have ever seen.
She didn't want to ride it, but now she's glad she did.
I'm not necessarily telling you anything you don't
already know. We all know that fear needs to be challenged in order for you to
grow. What I am saying is it's pretty
important to be scared and if you are not scaring yourself on a regular basis,
you're not growing. It's so easy to take the coward’s way out and not take on
new experiences or do things differently. You have to keep a certain amount of
butterflies in your stomach. Your palms
need to be clammy. Your blood pressure
needs to be raised and raised often.
I hate making myself do things I don't want to do. Even
though I often write about change and I often ask people to push themselves, I
don't like change just as much as you don't like change. Like most of you, I
would be perfectly content just grinding out my day with no surprises or roller
coasters. Give me the same 9-5 workday where all I do is rubber stamp
things! But you can't live like that.
It's not healthy. That mundane and
cyclical life will eventually kill you. It will make you lazy, stagnant and
lame. At some point you will snap and go crazy.
Bully yourself.
Force yourself into scary situations. Put yourself in
what you perceive to be a "harmful" situation. This doesn't mean you have
to jump out of an airplane or wrestle a bear, but you need to challenge the
unknown. Discover and challenge fear in
everyday life. Apply energy towards tackling simple, yet scary, things. Send
that email. Finally ask her out. Raise your hand when they ask "does
anyone have any questions or comments" during a meeting. Again, I'm not telling you anything you don't
already know, but sometimes you just need to be reminded or bullied into taking
the first step.
Do it or I'll pull your underwear over your head.
