I often write about my children.  They are the most amazing people in my
life.  Because of them, I #tryharder.  I test and push myself to be
better because they deserve a dad that desires to be the role model they can be
proud of.  I want them to grow up never
doubting how much their dad loves them or see limits to that love.  Like most parents, there is nothing I
wouldn’t do for my children. 

I am terrible with remembering directions.  I could potentially get lost, every day, as I
drive home from work.  Yet, there are
moments, conversations and events, from 10+ years prior, that I can recall
almost verbatim.  I was in a
communications class in college and the professor asked one of the older
students, who was a first time father, this interesting question.  “If someone kidnapped your baby and set her
on the edge of a steal beam 20 stories up, would you be able to save her”?  The new father answered the question before
the professor finished.  “Yes, no doubt
about it. Without hesitation”.  This
conversation happened during a morning class in college, almost 20 years ago,
and I can remember it like it was yesterday. 
I even recall the expression on the student’s face when he said it.

At the time, I couldn’t imagine loving someone that
much.  Having to think about facing your
biggest fear and possible death, to save another person.  Yes, I come from a loving family and I would
kill for those who share my last name, but at that point in my life, I had
never experienced the love of being a parent. 
I was in college, so I was doing everything I could to prevent being a
parent!! 

My children have certainly tested not only my love, but my
patience, internal strength and yes, even my gag reflexes.  I’m absolutely not trying to paint myself as
a martyr, but any parent knows or has experienced first-hand the testing of
that parental love and I effortlessly dig deep for my children.  If the professor would have asked the 19 year
old version of me that same question, I doubt I would have been able to answer
it with the same urgency as my classmate. 
You never truly understand until you become a parent.

There is a difference between “have to” and “need to”.  When you “need to”, it is because it’s the right
thing to do.  Regardless the pain
involved, you NEED to do this-no excuses.  If you are a parent, then I think you
understand what I mean by that.  Kids
will push you into experiences or limits that you would never imagine.  Moments that are often “forced to” become
moments of “need to”.  Children will turn
the most selfish people into the most selfless. 
Take a look at your Facebook page and see how many of your irresponsible
friends from high school and college are posting selfies with their 3 kids.  That same person, that used to pass out on
your couch after doing 22 keg stands in a row, is now the head of PTA, teaches
or runs a daycare.  Crazy right?  We are all capable of growing up to be
something greater than our younger self. 
I’m curious to see what my college girlfriends or buddies would say
about the person I was then versus the person I am today. 

Sometimes you NEED TO sit with puke on your shirt and pants
for the remaining 45 minutes of a flight, while the plane circles the airport
and you can’t get up.  Because acting
like an idiot will only make the situation worse for your daughter.  This moment isn’t about you.

Sometimes you NEED TO ride a rollercoaster that you don’t
want to get on, knowing it will make you feel like crap for the next 30
minutes, but your daughter chose YOU as the person she wants to ride it with.  Again, this moment isn’t about you.  Suck it up!

Sometimes you NEED TO be there for your niece, when her
father (your brother) passes away.  Not
forcing yourself into her life or situations out of obligation, but being there
when needed out of love.  The same love
you have for your own children.  It’s
good to grieve, but her future is more important than your feelings.  When it comes to kids, don’t dare put
yourself first. 

Sometimes you NEED TO put your damn phone away and pay
attention to what is going on in front of you. 
Seeing your kid hit a baseball for the first time is much better than
wondering why nobody has liked your status. 
Better yet, resist the urge of posting the picture of that at bat, as
some things should be YOURS and not necessarily shared with the social media universe.  I take and post many pictures of my kids, but
they make up less than 1% of the things I choose to capture with my own eyes
and not through the screen of my iPhone. 
Instagram has my son’s 3rd at bat.  The first at bat was seen with my eyes, no
filter.

Being a parent shows you what you are capable of and opens
doors to the depth of the love you possess. 
I am not saying, because you might not be a parent, that you are not
capable of loving unconditionally.  I am
just forecasting, to those future parents, that you will have a lot to look
forward to when or if that time comes.  I
want to instill the confidence that you will be capable of more love and depth
than you will ever know.  Not love out of
obligation, but natural love that comes without hesitation.

Then again, you don’t have to be a parent in order to love
like this.  If you love others in your
life out of NEED TO love and not out of HAVE TO obligation, I truly believe
your relationships will be happier, easier and healthier.  I’m not suggesting that you live so
selflessly that you love complete strangers, acquaintances or even all friends
this way.  I’m realistic…I don’t even care
for all the people in my life with this level of dedication and I don’t expect
others to be THAT compassionate.  There’s
only one Pope, that’s his gig. 

If your life consists of more “have to” relationships or
moments than it does “need to”, it might be time to evaluate the balance of
your emotions and time.  Yes, life has its
challenges, but caring for others and the things you prioritize should come as
effortless as loving children.