I don’t have enemies. I certainly have plenty of reasons to have a laundry list of names (with a line crossing out those names), but I would not consider any of those people “enemies.” Mostly, those I have removed from my life, or they have removed themselves, do not creep into my thoughts. I do not care about them or their actions. Whatever they did to me, for me, or towards me is forgiven. If you are someone who has wronged me, know you are forgiven.

If you need to hear or read that, but if you still hold a grudge or think I have some dartboard with your name and picture, think again. You are forgiven. Forgiving people is not an “alpha move,” but it is a sign of emotional maturity and a strong alignment of priorities.

Why? Because by having enemies, you have a person or people that can control your emotions. You might have once loved or been in love with this individual, but that does not mean they have the right to have any hold on your feelings. Maybe this person told lies about you that altered your course in life—or perhaps facilitated your transition to a better and healthier existence. If that’s the case, then you not only forgive them but can thank them as well. (You don’t actually have to tell them that).

So, I like rap music. My favorite rapper of all time is 2Pac. Sure, I wear khaki shorts with pockets and t-shirts, and a ball cap on the weekends, just like every 40+-year-old dad, but I can get down with some 2Pac as long as I keep it at an acceptable level when picking up the kids from school.

Back in college, when my best friend Mike Sendejas and I used to drive around and listen to “California Love” in his black Mustang while looking for someplace fun (with girls) to end up at for the night, the unspoken (Ok, somewhat spoken) rule was that he sang the Dr. Dre parts and I sang the 2Pac parts of the song. As an adult/dad, I get to sing both because my wife and kids want nothing to do with me when that song (or any 2Pac song) comes on.

When it comes to relationships ending, there are a few 2Pac quotes that resonate with me.

“Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I’m bigger than that; I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table”.

“When people don’t get what they want from you or can no longer use you, they either cut you off, spread lies, or recruit others to hate you.”

“Lady, take it easy, hate to sound sleazy, but don’t tease me. I don’t want it if it’s that easy”.

(The last one has nothing to do with the topic but speaks to my dating life and relationships in college.)

I am not saying I don’t have any enemies that wish me ill. I am sure that someone (or a group of people?) does not think the world of me, and I am perfectly fine with that. You should never lose sleep wondering what others, especially those not in your life or who genuinely know you, think of you. If you are one of those people who wish a bus would hit me at some point today, know that I have no plan on apologizing, and I always look both ways and look up from my phone when crossing the street. I plan to die in my sleep when I’m 100+ years old, so you’ll have to wait.

It’s a decision. Sure, you can piss and moan about others and let them pull your strings and unknowingly drive your emotions, or you can #Tryharder to live a happier and unobstructed life. It’s not easy, and it took me years to get into this mindset, but looking back is not always healthy and often comes with a sick desire for things in your past to catch and haunt you. I’ve lost too many people I have cared deeply about than to worry about those I have no relationship or feelings for. I prefer to move too fast and forward than to deal with the whispers and nonsense.

Forgiving others is a powerful way to take control of our emotions, and there’s no better life to live than the one that brings you joy.

Do you.