As the primary grocery shopper and dinner maker in the Murphy house, it is safe to say that I know my way around the grocery store.  I know where everything is, (except for that one week when they rearranged the store just to piss me off…I am sure of it!). I am dangerous with coupons and I know how to make things from scratch and not pay for convenience. 

I actually enjoy picking out the items I will be using in meals and I don’t believe in letting some 17-year-old punk kid pick out my necessities while I wait in the grocery store pickup line.  Nope, sorry Covid-19, I will never embrace that.  I see the value for some, but I know how to choose a better steak than Bobby the Bagboy!!   

Thanksgiving shopping (and almost going postal at the grocery store today) has inspired me to create a “#Tryharder Top 11 Shopping Don’ts for Pre-Thanksgiving Shopping” list.  This list can also be applied to Super Bowl Saturday, Christmas Eve (or Eve…Eve) Shopping or any shopping experience prior to a big event (Like 5/19—My birthday).

In no particular order:

1. NOW is NOT the time to send the JV team to the store.  Your husband wants to help, and that’s cool, but he has no idea what he is doing.  Like the carline for school pickup, the man will be lost and do it wrong.  He will act confident, but we pros can smell his fear and foolishness.  Don’t send him.
2. If you don’t have to be at the store today (fill in the pre-holiday) then DO NOT GO.  Shop ahead.  Canned cranberry sauce is good for a while, you can pick that up on November 12^th if you want.  I am guilty of breaking this rule, but I turn it into a teaching opportunity for others!  HA!
3. If you can shop FOR Nana/Grandma/Gram/Me maw (whatever you call her) please do.  Like merging into a lane of traffic, she will appear to be lost and afraid.  Get the list, get the recipe and have her provide pictures.  Even if you don’t shop (see #1) you’re still a better choice.  She may get a better parking spot, but you’ll keep her from getting run over by shopping carts. (Take her car so you can get the sweet parking spot).
4. Anytime you can have your phone to your ear while pushing a large cart, please do it.  KIDDING!  The store is not the time to catch up with old friends as you wander the aisles and become oblivious to everyone around you.  Like driving without hands free, when you put a phone to your ear, you become blind to a lot of the world around you.  Need to call someone for a “should I get this or that” discussion?  Pull over somewhere with less traffic (the cereal aisle is a good choice) and make that call. 
5. Head on a swivel.  Know your surroundings.  Pro tip-group your shopping list in aisles or sections of the store.  My wife and I have a shared list in the notes section of our phones.  I have to rearrange the list after she adds things.  She could do that herself, but I don’t have time to argue about this right now…I also live in fear of her….is she reading this??  I also group things on the conveyor belt as to how I want them bagged, but the baggers always screw that up for me! 
6. DO NOT just pull out into grocery store traffic and act oblivious!  The aisles do not have the right of way.  The areas around the center aisles do.  This is not written, but it is implied.  Now that you are envisioning this, you are probably nodding your head in agreeance.  You’ll screw it up on your next trip, but I forgive you.
7. Shopping cart does not sit in the middle of the aisle while you go left of right.  Take it with you.  If you need to “think” about a purchase for more than 5 seconds, then park if away from the action. 
8. Walk on the right side of the aisle.  Again…. WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE JUST LIKE YOU DRIVE!  Any other path is wrong and you are wrong.  Don’t even get me started about how this drives me nuts at Disneyworld!
9. If you don’t have to bring the kids, don’t bring the kids!  TADA!  Unless they are old enough to walk behind you (and likely run into you) with the shopping cart, you don’t need them.  The ages between riding in the cart and pushing the cart for you are not great for having them with you. You know what they eat and like (you should, right?) so they don’t need to be there to pick things out.  Besides, they are kids.  They can eat it or starve! 
10. Texting and shopping is a NO.  The only reasons your phone should be out is for the grocery list (very environmentally friendly of you) and possibly for coupon apps, pinwheel, etc.  You actually walk differently when you text and walk.  There was a study done on this very thing!  When you text and walk, you tend to be more bowlegged, hence taking up more space than needed.  You also walk about 25% slower. Slow is not what you need to be when it comes to pre-holiday shopping.  You need to be fast!  Like a cheetah with a cart!   
11. Return your shopping cart to the corral (or whatever it’s called).  If you are over the age of 80, I can see giving you a pass here.  Then again, see #3.