A few weeks ago, a friend called and asked for a pep talk. He just wanted to get everything off his chest and complain about how things were going at work. Sometimes, these life talks happen over a beer, but a phone call works just as well when you're long-distance.

In his opinion, the new boss was making poor choices, and my friend disagreed with the group's direction. "If they would just listen to me" was the phrase he repeated multiple times during his "selling" of the situation. He stated his case to the new boss and co-workers but didn't feel he was being heard or taken seriously.

I pride myself on being a great listener and a sympathetic ear to those in need. It's important to listen to the world around you. We learn more about life and a lot about the people we connect with by simply being a good listener. It's healthy to wrap your brain around new situations and share your insight and experience with those in need.

I have one rule when it comes to asking me for a pep talk or advice. If you're going to ask for it, be prepared that I am going to tell you what you need to hear (at least from me) and probably not what you want to hear. I will give you every opportunity to sway my vote in your direction but know that in the end, I will not pet you on the head and tell you everything will be great and that it's everyone else's fault and not yours. NOPE! If you ask for the bull, you must know that I might give you the horns. Maybe it's because I am getting old, but I've learned that blunt is the best form of communication in my (not sharing the number!) years of being on this earth. It saves everyone the most time and is far less work than crafting ways to sugarcoat the truth.

Back to my friend.

In my friend's opinion, the boss was making a series of terrible mistakes in piloting a new direction for the workplace. The boss was unnecessarily shaking things up and causing stress in every department. The boss was not taking the time to listen to those around him and ask for opinions. So, if nobody were going to ask him what he thought, he would make it a point to let the boss know that his choices were huge mistakes. It sounded wise to him as it came out of his mouth, but not so much as it entered my ears.

You've heard this before, right? Many of you have been the employee and maybe even the boss in this situation.

So I asked my friend, "Are you the engine, the boxcar or the caboose"? There was a long pause on the phone, and then he asked me to repeat the question. "Are you the engine, the boxcar, or the caboose"?

When you're the engine, you're the driving force and set the direction. You burn energy attempting to pull everyone in the same direction. Towards the same goal. To the destination. You don't have to be the boss to be the engine, but you must be a leader and inspire others to follow. Popular or not, you are tasked with making a decision and acting upon it. You are given opportunities to grow, and you have to have the confidence to lead people into scary and new places.

When you're a boxcar, you can be supportive and skeptical at the same time, but your role is to keep momentum. You help to push projects and people along and make yourself available for insight if the engine ever needs help. A boss does not always have to be the engine; they can also be a supportive boxcar (or both, depending on the day). A train can still be a train without a caboose, but it's just an engine without boxcars.

When you're the caboose, you slow down the train. You're an anchor. You are dragging your feet because you disagree with the direction that everyone else is headed. You're uncomfortable and not convinced that the team is going the right way. The train is headed east; all you want to do is go west. You are rarely the savior and will likely be perceived as the problem. More often than not, you are the caboose because you hate the direction you are going, but you'd rather complain and drag your feet than become a true leader. You're scared. Right or wrong, the caboose hates change and is often the contrarian. The caboose is always the first to get fired (removing your connecting pin). The caboose likes to complain because it's the farthest mouth from the ear of the engine.

My friend thought he was a boxcar and felt he should be the engine, but in the end, I informed my friend that he was the caboose. He disagreed and two weeks later was fired.

We have all been an engine, boxcar, or caboose in life. Sometimes being the caboose is healthy because, if you're self-aware, this role tells you that this (whatever "this" may be) is not for you. Right or wrong, the direction is being set, and maybe it's not where you should be in life.

People have changed jobs or careers after being caboose and flourished afterward. I've been all three parts of this train at different stages in my life and even all at the same location. I would never judge a piece of the train; you are what you are, and that doesn't make you a bad person, but it's vital to honestly know where and who you are on the track of life.

#Tryharder to be self-aware of the part you play in the creation of momentum.