More than 15 years ago I was handed the keys to my very first radio station as a program director. I had been in radio for a bit, and was the #2 guy in the programming hierarchy for a few years, but this was the first time I got to be the boss. The person responsible for every aspect of the long term and short term planning of the radio station. Every sound that came out of the speakers fell upon my shoulders and it was hard not to be a bit giddy at the possibilities to come! Yes, this is cooler than creating your own playlist with an app on your phone!
Prior to this promotion I had almost always been the #2 guy at the station. The buffer. The guy who did the leg work and worked as the liaison between the boss and the staff. The guy that would help lobby for the morning personality to get a raise and at the same time planted seeds with the staff on behalf of the boss that kept the "troops" from revolting. It takes a bit of gamesmanship to be the #2, but if done right, you become the most popular person at the station and often the most valuable asset to the team. You feed each side information and remain loyal to both parties. You are not the guy that says "no", so naturally people like you.
After years of being the #2, I leaned that when you become the boss, depending on the staff and the environment, you can be the most hated man at the radio station and most of the time it's just due to the title you hold.
On my first day as the boss, the GM of the station (my boss) threw a welcoming party and invited the entire staff from all departments. We had it at this really classy place called Applebee's. Yep, spare no expense, but we were “eating good in the neighborhood” and it was free, so I shouldn't complain. Having moved more than 1000 miles to take the job, I guess showing me the local culture and cuisine wasn't important at the time?
I sat down at the bar and one of the on air talents sat down next to me and ordered a round of beers for the two of us. He welcomed me to town, as we had not yet met prior to this moment, and said to me these words within the first 30 seconds of our meeting. "Kid, I've been doing this longer than you've been alive so if you are here to teach me things, don't bother".
It was true. He was older than me and there was a strong chance that he had been doing radio as long as I had been alive. Less than a day into the job, this became my first challenge as a manager. This was a moment of defiance and flexing. An attempt to set the tone for the relationship moving forward. If this was a scene from National Geographic's Wild Kingdom, this would have been where the older gorilla beats his chest and yells really loud. Most relationships start with a handshake and a "how's it going?", but not this one.
My response? I took a long sip of beer, swallowed, smiled, looked him in the eyes and said "I'm here to have fun and win. If you happen to learn something in the process, cool".
He didn't exactly set the tone for how things were going to work between the two of us, but he did help to alter the way I communicate with people I work with or manage. It could have been easy to fire back at him with something equally as ignorant or arrogant and challenge his attempt to be the alpha, but what good would that have done at the time? This was a first encounter and a measuring stick of how our relationship was going to operate. We were stuck with each other in this arranged marriage and it would be weak of me to march into my manager’s office and demand we fire the guy after only knowing him 24 hours. Perhaps he didn't know how to talk to a younger manager? What tone would that have set with the rest of the staff? What buy in would I really get from others? I wasn't there to turn the place upside down, I was there to make the product better and in order to do that, I needed the help of the biggest and most important assets in the building-the people that worked there; Regardless of how they felt about me or about learning.
In the two years together, he and I never really saw eye to eye, but I was perceptive enough to figure out what worked and didn't work when it came to coaching and teaching him. He taught me a lot about patience and how to be a better manager. Although he didn't need to learn anything, he sure did recite back many things to me, not truly realizing that I was the one that planted that seed in his head. I don't play mind games with anyone, but I do know how to get people to buy into something without having to beat them over the head or scream.
My father has been in construction since he was a teenager and when I got the promotion, he gave me this advice. "You're not there to make friends and if you fire someone, do it on the first floor". In construction, the second part is very important because you don't want someone throwing you or themselves off the side of the building, so firing them on the first floor is the safest and they have a greater chance of not wrecking things on their way out. In short, I don't know how well his advice applied to this situation.
#Tryharder to keep a cool head about you in times of confrontation or challenges from your staff or even the people around you. The challenger wins if they get a rise out of you and throw you off your game. All great boxers have a plan going into a fight that often gets altered when they get punched in the nose for the first time. Let's be honest, you look stupid when you flail your arms around in the air as your face gets red in anger. We make horrible faces when we get angry and people remember more of how you looked and less about what you said. Just ask children what they remember most about the time you yelled at them and it won't be the words (because they will do it again, always) but it will be how you looked at the time. I'm not saying that we should be robotic or void of passion and emotion, but I believe you get a stronger buy in from others with a disarming tone, opposed to frothing at the mouth and screaming. Your team does not need to see you rattled and if you are already the outsider walking into a new situation, it's important that you hold composure. There's always time to have a meltdown, but pick and choose those times wisely.
In case you are wondering about that employee; he is still working at that station doing the same exact thing he was doing when I met him and probably continuing to learn nothing from anyone. Yet, through his behavior (and there are a lot of stories to tell) he taught me a lot about how to deal with people and situations and I think that made me a better manager.
