I gave up dairy for lent this year.
Every year, for the duration of lent, I give up something. Most of my deductions are food related and in years past I have given up excessive calories (anything over 2000), sugar, carbs, grains (beer was the target there) and fried food. One year I gave up swearing, but that lasted about 4 hours.
I'm not a good Catholic at all, but I figure that doing this might make up for the fact that I only go to church on average a few times a year. I used to be good when I was a kid. I was an altar boy for about 10 years at Good Shepard Catholic Church. I could ring a bell, mix water and wine and help to keep the service under 50 minutes. I've spent more Sundays up behind an altar, than I have sitting with the congregation. On the few times that I go to church each year, I spend most of my time mouthing along to the words that I still know by heart and critiquing the priest and altar boys on how they conduct the service. If a priest can't get mass done in less than 50 minutes it means he's milking it. If the altar boys don't move fluidly between their tasks, then they need to step up their game.
Most of the priests I served with always seems like they had somewhere to be after the service. They handled their business and got the congregation in and out of church, after having a post mass coffee and donut, in about an hour. Almost every service I've been to since seems to drag on with all the singing and the extra stuff. This isn't the reason I don't go to church or why I'm not that good of a Catholic, but it's not encouraging me either. I want my experience to be simple, cleansing and informative. I don't want a rock band or a bunch of people singing solos. Give me a message that connects, a few chanting style songs, shake some hands, take communion and let me bounce. That's what I want and I want it in less than an hour.
When I was a kid, the thing that brought my family back to the church was the death of my little brother Jimmy. After his passing, my dad felt we needed to get back into it and he made sure we went almost every Sunday. First communions and confirmations were knocked off the “to do” list and Michael and I became altar boys. When Michael became old enough to drive us to church, my parents stopped going and would just send some money for the plate along with us. After Michael started seeing this one girl, I started to attend church alone; as he would just drop me off and go make out with her for an hour. Not always, but it happened. After I went away to college, my attendance faded as it was harder for me to get up on Sunday morning after going to bed around 4am. Yes, I've attended church with a buzz and I've gone in an attempt to win a girl or two over. No, I'm not ashamed.
As an adult, I don't go for two reasons. 1). I am still working through some stuff on my own regarding the death of Michael and 2). I haven't had that "moment".
Each time I attend mass I listen to the message and do my best to take it in and listen for ways to relate to it or incorporate it into my life. I look for some common ground and hope to hear the flip of a switch in my head as the message helps me deal with something that I am currently working out in life. I just need to relate. It doesn't need to always fix my problems, it just needs to make some relatable eye contact. Not since the death of my brother and the service prior to his burial, 3 years ago, have I heard a light switch flipping. I just need to hear an invite or opening.
Some would say that if I went more often, then that would increase my chances of making a connection or if I just went to their church, it would all come together. Maybe the first part is true, but only time will tell. As for me coming to your church? Thanks in advance for the invite, but I'm going to pass. I may not be a good Catholic, but I'd like to remain a Catholic. Even if you are Catholic, again, thanks for the invite. Please don't attempt to force something on me, as I am dealing with this on my own and this chapter is not a call for help in any way. Send me the address, maybe I'll add it to my tour of churches, but please don't come knock on my door with a bible in hand.
I look for signs and opportunities in almost everything in life. I may come across as a closed minded Catholic because I don't wish to attend your church or I don't do a good job with attending ones of my own religion, but it's not true. I look for moments of inspiration and welcome new and exciting things into my life. I'm the guy that takes something that might be insignificant and write 1000 words about how it relates to our lives and somewhere in there throw in a #Tryharder message. So, being closed to the world and even religion would not be a fair assessment of me.
I believe in God and I talk to him every day. I believe in my own spirituality and I paid enough attention to the teachings in the bible to know how to interpret right from wrong. Eventually things will click and I will experience or see something that will put it all together for me and I hope it happens like that. I don't want to attend mass for years walking through the motions and checking off church on Sunday like a chore we do on the weekends. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations, but I want my time in life to matter. I know that I could be more giving of my time to the church, but I personally would rather give that time to my family and not a room full of people who might treat church like a chore. When I go, I'm looking for some religious nourishment and not to win a perfect attendance award or turn it into a social gathering. I talk to a lot of people for a living, so there is not a need for me to join in afterwards for coffee I don't drink or donuts that I don't eat because I'm a type 2 diabetic.
Time will tell. This is not an attempt to discourage others from attending church on Sunday or a campaign to get people to see things my way. I do feel religion is important and you need to have a belief in something greater in life. I need to believe that there is a bigger and greater purpose for my brothers and they were brought home for a reason (My brother Michael is probably telling stories and entertaining others from the stage and Jimmy is probably throwing TDs for the Heaven football team Haha). When I attend service, I'm looking and hoping to take something away from the words being spoken and I will hold out hope that one day the questions I have will be answered. Till then, I will #Tryharder to attend mass on Sundays.
Maybe you could do the same?
