A few weeks ago a friend of mine was having a conversation with his wife about people in their collective lives and they challenged each other to associate each friend with one word that best describes that person. Somewhere in the conversation my name came up and my friend, of over 15 years, had to decide on what word to use for me.
You might be doing this right now with your list of friends as you read the words I wrote for this chapter. Eventually, you are going to get around to attempting to imagine what people would say about you. (It always comes back to "you"). You want to make sure you are projecting the right image of what you hope people say about you. Deep down inside we all think we are good people and would hope that would be recognized by the people in our lives. Nobody wants their word to be "douchebag".
As my friend was telling me about his conversation with his wife and building up to the eventual adjective that he used to describe me, I was waiting, almost with Christmas-like anticipation on what the word was going to be! It's all about me! I don't really know how people perceive me, but I hope that the majority of my interactions with others are positive. I hope my overall vibe and energy is not misunderstood by others and I am projecting the ideal image of myself. As someone who challenges himself and others to always try to do the right thing; if the wrong word was to be attached to me I would feel a little deflated and question myself and my actions. Not that perceptions should rattle you, but those you are close to in your life should be able to have a true descriptor.
The word he used was "selfless".
It's a good word. It means I'm not a bad person. It means my parents did a good job of pointing me in the right direction and showing me that there is more to life than "me". Or did they? Was this adjective a product of self-discovery and a desire to live a certain way or something learned from the influences around me? Who knows? Probably all of those things were factors. All I know is that I welcome this word and would hope that others see this adjective in me.
I've written about this topic before, but only from the position of me wanting to project a certain word into the world and its perception of me. My word is "great". I want to be better than good, but not as pretentious as amazing or some other word that would be potentially unattainable. Great at being a dad, husband, son, brother and friend. Great at certain things, but humble enough to realize that I still have to work on some things no matter how good I get. To live my life with an attitude of a B+ or A- grade and having something to always work towards. Great allows you to stay hungry and never really rest because that is the kind of person I want to be. Tirelessly in the pursuit of being more.
Selfless is a great word. It really is. Although I am probably just as selfish as the next person, I can acknowledge the fact that I have done some things in my life that are pretty selfless. Not always because I wanted to, but mostly because it was the right thing to do. I've probably missed out on opportunities or accomplishments because I have taken a step back and done what I think was the right thing to do. I have certainly patted myself on the back for a lot of things in life, but that's probably because I am not comfortable with praise from others and it's easier and more digestible just to elevate myself before anyone else can embarrass me with praise. Real talk. Something I am working on as part of my betterment.
So what's your word? I'm putting this out there so you don't have to ask others what they think of you. I'm planting this #Tryharder opportunity into your brain and the brains of the people you share this chapter with. You don't want to go around asking people what they think of you because you will never get the true answer. It comes across as forceful if you do. My friend volunteered this information to me and brought the topic to me. If you put others on the spot you will get sarcastic answers or only praise and not the true descriptor. Yet, deep down inside, you want to know. This way you can possibly adjust your behavior and get real with yourself or feel a comfort knowing that you are headed in the right direction of perception and maybe even the truth. If they are true friends, they will share this information without you asking.
I'm putting this feeling or vibe or exercise out into the world, depending how you see it, and maybe it comes back to you. Maybe you could do this drill with your family and close friends? Probably not the most fun of party games, but certainly a guy check and an excuse to tell the people in your life how you feel about them. Words coming from the close people in your life, good or bad, are the ones we give the most weight.
When you project or share with the world and "put things out there" they somehow come back to you. You emote negativity, it comes back to you twofold and positive does the same. This isn't about feeding your ego, this is about getting a read on what you are projecting into the world and consultation on your journey. Connecting the dots between who you are and who you want to be.
