I was having a somewhat serious phone conversation with a friend of mine the other morning.  He is currently going through a career reinvention and asked me an interesting question.  If you know me or have read any of my blogs, you can deduce that I am a pretty positive person.  Regardless of my direction or path, the end result is always focused on getting positive results and learning something along the way.  Sure, I might be sarcastic in my approach, but the overall tone is always positive.  

His questions?  What was my defining moment?  

Not a light topic or question.  Not something that can be answered without a moment of thought and reflection.  I paused for a few seconds and went into my response.  I cannot remember what I said word for word, but I will paraphrase what I know to be true about my life.  

I have never been the most talented, the smartest or the best.  I have never considered myself to be better than anyone or above anything.  No level of accomplishment in my life has ever earned me the right to be anyone or anything other than who I am.  I have always felt, that if I out hustle everyone else, work harder, read more, absorb as much as possible,  out prepare and share my knowledge with others....I would be successful in my endeavors.  Yes, like everyone else, I am competitive, but mostly with myself and not others. This isn't just something that I developed overnight. Having grown up just a bit different and being forced, in some ways, to grow up faster than others, it had become essential in my development.  

Learning to understand mortality at an early age pushes you to deal with adult topics sooner than most and because of that, you lose some of your childhood and innocence. These experiences helped to instill in me a NEED for accomplishment.  I have never wanted to live a life that I wouldn't be proud of or become someone that I couldn't respect.  My life has been a series of triggers and I have embraced the "pulling" of those triggers, where others often let those opportunities or moments pass.  

It's not always easy, but the right thing to do is to pull the trigger and prepare for what happens next.  The recoil.  It's easy to ignore the trigger, just lay down, let the moment pass and hope to walk away unscathed by the experience.  You can let moments scar you or you can let moments educate you and make you sharper.  I tirelessly attempt the latter.  

 Yes, I am fond of the expression (pull the trigger) because I think it defines the action that is needed to engage the experience.  It's the moment where fear of the unknown and courage meet.  When you pull the trigger, you are then ready to experience the recoil of the moment.  It's the beginning of new experiences and the start of a journey that might have never happened if you just laid down.  

I don't really know if I have a defining moment, but perhaps many moments where I got up and pulled the trigger.   When I was 11, my younger brother died in a car accident.  He was 8.   That moment was probably my first experience with the trigger.  I could have allowed that experience to scar me and negatively alter my path, instead it made me realize how precious life is and the need to accomplish something and not squander my opportunities by not living up to my potential.  I actually feel, in some was, that I have to live twice the life that most people experience.  He never had the opportunity to grow and make his mark in this world, so it was on me to carry the torch, embrace twice the load and expect more from myself.  Pretty heavy stuff for an 11 year old kid?  Nobody told me I needed to do this-I accepted the responsibly on my own.  So yes, as much as I don't wish for death to be a defining moment, it was probably the start to my journey of pulling the trigger.  

With the death of my older brother this year, I am still trying to make heads or tails with the triggers that are involved with that.  I will embrace more and accept whatever responsibilities that come from this.   When in doubt....PULL the trigger...  

I assure you, I am not prime for a midlife crisis or an eventual panic attack.  You would be amazed of what you can take, endure and learn from.  If you are used to more, you can accept more.  If it is second nature for you to pull the trigger, the moments that would send others into therapy, you will fluidly endure.  The world is full of these people who, day in and day out, can take on more in a week than some can in a lifetime.  Keep in mind that our DNA is the same.   We are all capable of more, but some people choose to quit trying or lay down, just when things are starting to get interesting. You don't realize your potential because you have never pulled the trigger.  You took yourself out of the game and quit because life programmed you to not pull the trigger.  

Break programming and pull the trigger.  The recoil will only make you better.