#Tryharder

I found myself at the least happiest place on earth during the month of December. A place where every 5 minutes you see someone do the unthinkable. From cutting an old lady off to get a parking spot to seeing a customer yelling at a worker at a shorthanded jewelry store. I saw both of those things happen 10 minutes of each other while shopping at the mall for gifts for my family. In the season of peace, love and joy, the mall is a necessary hell on earth. I had to go there to get the things I needed. I can see the appeal of online shopping and getting Amazon to deliver it. In a world where we look to disconnect and be less face-to-face social, I find myself in situations where complete strangers tend to unload their life story to me.

I have one of those faces.

As I stepped into one of the stores, more suitable for people who need to fill the holes of their multiple piercings or buy a ton of black hoodies to show their individuality while looking like everyone else, I made eye contact with one of the female employees. I wasn't really looking to buy anything at the store, I was more window shopping or looking for something to give me an idea of what to buy. It's funny, most of the time when you don't need assistance, you get plenty. When you need it, everyone is hiding.

This girl was stressed. You could see it in her face and body and feel it in her overall vibe. Breathing in deeply. Running her fingers through her hair, starting at her forehead and going all the way through her shoulder length hair. Looking up towards the ceiling and building up like she was about to cry. After making eye contact with me, she choked out a smile. I spoke first and said "Yeah, I bet its tough working at the mall this time of the year". I've never worked retail, but my wife has and I know that working during the holidays can suck the Christmas spirit right out of you! I have to deal with customers and complaints on a regular basis, but not nearly as much as someone who is working in retail and especially during the holidays.

She responded by saying "Yeah, I actually work two jobs". If you know me, I don't do "surface" conversation well. Small talk is fine here and there, but I'm an all-in kind of person. A guy who wants to know your turn-ons and turns offs, hot buttons and what makes you tick. Yes, even if I never actually know your name, I enjoy getting an early read on people. I work in radio, so to me, every person I speak to is a research opportunity. A chance to better know my audience and how I can connect with them. I can get a person’s life story within 5 questions. I've written about this before and refer to it as my super power. Even when I'm not trying to dig deep, people still want to share.

So I said "well, I hope your second job isn't at the mall because I could see how that could stress you out". This was the turning point in the conversation. This was her out. She could have just said "yes" or "no" and then asked if she could help me with something, but she didn't. It's because I have that kind of face. Maybe it's the eye contact or my friendly smile or the need to tell someone something and get it off her chest, but she opened up like a book.

Her other job is part of the housekeeping staff at a high end hotel. She cleans rooms, fluffs the pillows and stocks the mini bars with the $20 bags of peanuts. While cleaning the room of one of the guests who had checked out, she pricked her finger on what is assumed to be a needle used to deliver insulin to someone that is diabetic. Sure, it's not meth or some other needle injected drug, but still very dangerous when accidentally pricking yourself. She spent four hours, prior to coming to her second job at the mall, at the doctor so that they could run tests on her. This was why she was stressed. Within one minute of meeting this young lady, I was sucked into the current stressful chapter of her life story.

I honestly didn't know what to say. Beyond stating the obvious like "well, that sucks", I just took a second to process it and said "I am sure things will be fine. It's gonna be ok". I really wanted to say more. I really wanted to have some sort of story or quote or something that would help set her at ease, but I really had nothing. That was the best I could do at the time. As I walked away from the store, I had this feeling that I needed to go back and hug the girl. Thinking that maybe that would help to bring her some comfort. Then I thought maybe she might be freaked out by a random stranger walking back into a store 5 minutes after he left, just to hug her. So, I just went on with my shopping. I'm just as curious as you are about to rest of her story and how it all turned out. I really do hope she’s ok. I wish I could have said more.

In all honesty, this type of thing happens to me a lot. People, for some reason, want to share with me things that I probably have no business hearing or knowing. I have that face. Like the kid from The Sixth Sense that sees dead people, I hear stories. Perhaps it's not all my face, but maybe my ability to listen and not immediately judge? Maybe there is a higher power putting us all in random situations or placing us into each other's lives to help each other out a the perfect moment? This girl needed to tell someone her story that day and I happened to be the random friendly face that got the job.

#Tryharder to be aware that everything is not about you. Maybe there are moments or opportunities in this world that are not focused on your needs and your betterment in any way. Perhaps it's a relationship that you were once in and looking back you have no idea what you got out of it. It might be that the other person needed you to be the bridge that got them to another place in their life and you got very little in return. You scratch your head and continue to wonder why, but you may never know because it wasn't your time. I dated 4 different girls days prior to them meeting the man of their dreams. The man they eventually married. Chances are, I was a bridge of some sort for them in their journey and I wasn't supposed to get anything life altering out of those relationships besides the story of "I went out with 4 different girls that immediately found their future husbands afterwards".

This young lady might have just needed to hear that everything is going to be alright from a complete stranger. She needed to release the pressure and tell someone her story. Perhaps I helped her get through her second shift of the day. Maybe I did get something out of it too? A muse to inspire me to write a chapter about why the world isn't always about you and how we need to embrace the possibility of being a bridge in the journey of someone else’s life.

Kid date night

Growing up, my sister was on her own. She was the lone girl in the wolf pack of boys. There was Kim and then there were the boys. We were grouped together always as "the boys". The boys did this and The Boys did that. When bad things were done, it was rarely me or Jimmy or Michael, it was us. We were punished and grounded as a group and we were bragged about and rewarded as a group. Sometimes my sister would defend us to mom and dad or be the first to throw us under the bus. (Usually the latter).

My mom would write a list of chores for each day of the summer and my sister was in charge of making sure that all the tasks were completed. Mom would write things like "have the boys take out the trash and do the laundry". Rarely were we separated as it was Kim's job to determine which boy was to complete each task. We were a unit. A group. Not as individuals. Not defined by one, but by our gender and our born into association with each other. There was the oldest and only girl Kim and then there were the boys. She was the general and we were the soldiers.

I love my sister more than life, but I miss having brothers.

I miss the communication, the belonging to a group and the community of brotherhood. If I were to ever say that the world has cheated me out of anything in this life, it would be the amount of time that I have missed and still missing from having them leave this earth too soon. I live a blessed life and the world has been good to me, but this will forever be the only scar or chip on my shoulder that won't go away. I have been given so much, but this feeling and belonging has been taken from me and that wound will never completely heal. We had a great time when they am were here, but We deserved more. Real talk.

Last night my wife had her company Christmas party and we didn't have a sitter so we couldn't attend the event together. It was the same night as my company Christmas party, but she was going to receive an award and my company was going to give me an open bar tab for 3 hours. Awards trump Gin and Tonic, so I stayed home with the kids and she went to her party. The kids and I went out to eat, took a large bubble bath in the "mommy tub" (the big one), ate dessert and watched movies on Netflix till they passed out in our bed. Kids trump Gin and Tonic.

As I sat there watching the craziness that comes from me making them banana splits (with whipped cream) at 8pm, I couldn't help but tear up and smile. Even though there is one girl and one boy, they remind me a lot of my childhood and growing up with my siblings.

Love that my kids have their own little jokes. Little quotes and the ability to finish each other's sentences. Finding humor in the same oddities and knowing the exact things that makes the other laugh. There is so much beauty in simply being siblings and having that connection. They are amazing together and care for each other deeply, just as we cared for each other. As much as I miss that from my own life, I feel some of that space being filled in my heart as I watch them communicate. Sometimes you appreciate more being a spectator to something beautiful than you do being an active part of it.

#Tryharder to see the beauty in the simple things and the blessed moments that life provides you. We all get caught up in our own issues and don't always do a good job of witnessing and taking in the amazing opportunities that are right in front of you. Even if you grew up an only child, you can still appreciate watching a kid do something you wish you still could do or see an experience through their eyes. You don't need to be a parent to appreciate this, just a healthy observer of life and emotionally intelligent enough to relate to the moment.

To me, watching my kids see Disney for the first time is as amazing as watching them finish each others sentences. Both are amazing and beautiful. Now, if they could stop using the word "poop" in every sentence...that would be great.

A few months ago I was going though a rough patch. Nothing like a midlife crisis or anything, but more like a drain of emotions and energy. A bump in the road, more or less. (Perhaps it might be the male equivalent to "my time of the month", because I just read online that this was a "thing"). I didn't really know it at the time, but I was in need of some guidance. Someone to connect the dots a bit and get me from point A (the slump I was in) to point B (the other side).

The words that I needed to hear came in the form of a 90 minute phone call from a very good friend of mine. After a few weeks of phone tag, we were finally able to set aside some time to connect. What started out as a casual conversation about work and a few random things turned into a deep discussion about life and what it's like to be "us", as we both have a lot in common despite being more than 10 years apart. I won't share with you exactly what he said to me, but I will tell you that he gave me the inspiration for this blog and the reason why everyone needs a what he referred to as a "guardian angel".

A guardian angel is someone who looks out for you, keeps an eye on you and lifts you up emotionally when you've hit a wall or you feel your emotional tank is on empty. This person could be your wingman in relationships or a work partner that has your back and talks you up to others. This person can also be a mentor. No matter how secure you are emotionally or how high you are on the career ladder, we all need someone to check in on us or a person to bounce things off of.

Even if you already know what you should be doing or how to get past this slump you are in, it's helpful to get confirmation from someone else. Even if your issues or concerns are pretty lame; you can't have a true pity party by yourself because a party needs at least two participants. And sometimes a lot of beer...

If you are reading this and thinking that you cannot relate, then you are lying to yourself. As someone who writes "self-help" books, I still need help. Because I do a solid job of "fixing" my own issues, I don't always do a good job of reaching out and asking for input. I tend to deflect and spin things so that others aren't forced to get pulled into any issues I might be having. I don't do it on purpose, but I've been doing it without thinking for years. Not sure if this is a character flaw or part of the "charm" that is me. Maybe both?

You need a sounding board. Someone that has either gone through a similar tough patch or is just emotionally intelligent enough to say the right thing at the right time. Sometimes the right words just happen to fall out of the mouth of the right person. Some people may just need a kind word or two, whereas others might need a kick in the ass or a shove in the right direction. Regardless the method, we need to be aware that sometimes we just need help from someone else...and that's ok. The Beatles wrote a few songs about it. "Help" and "With a little help from my friends"...

There are moments in your life where you may just have to lean on someone else for support (even if it's just for a few minutes) just long enough to get your faculties about you. Like a boxer that needs to take a standing 8 count to regain his legs and recover, sometimes all we need is a change in perspective or a moment to catch our breath in the marathon of life.

#Tryharder to identify the times in life where you need to seek out help and allow others to help you with what you are struggling with. Also, don't pass on the moments when you should be reaching out or offering to help others. We should all be willing to be a guardian angel for someone else and learn from our slumps and rough patches so we can better guide our friends and family through those times. Just try to maintain some sense of balance in all of this, as none of us should ever become an energy drain or time bandit to those who care enough to ask if we are doing ok.

When you are on top of the world you are able to dream on a level that most people cannot fathom. The world is truly your oyster and roadblocks are seen as mere bumps along the way. Nobody can tell you what you cannot do because you won't imagine it. When you are on a roll like this, life is like a wide open road with no traffic, stop signs or weather to slow you down.

Ronda Rousey said in an interview a few weeks ago that she could see herself holding a title in several different combat sports. In the near future, she could imagine herself being at the top in UFC, woman's boxing and professional wrestling all at once. She sees herself continuing to act in big movies and growing her overall brand. It is difficult for most of us to dream on that level, but it's exciting when someone talks like that and we tend to believe it because they have been unstoppable up until this point.

Then you hit a roadblock.

She just got her ass kicked by someone who wasn't supposed to be good enough to step foot in the same ring as her.   The "open road" perspective on life and dreams may not have the same tone moving forward because she just had someone close the first door on her professional fighting career. Someone just told her "you cannot" and removed the physical evidence of success from around her waist.

She no longer holds the belt. She lost. What was certainly the building block of her potential three sport dominance, is now vacant from her mantle. She has a scar. A blemish beyond a scarred lip. Something that cannot be taken away or given back. She lost. Rousey just tasted, for the first time in her professional life, what it feels like to be truly human. She is no longer immortal and she will not be feared the same way by her opponents moving forward. There is now doubt in her head and in her heart.

We all know this because we have all failed at something. We have all taken a kick to the head from life. We have all had our confidence sucked out of us by someone or something and it feels terrible. It's one of the worst feelings ever. Replacing confidence with the feeling of doubt hurts and permanently scars you in the process. Sure, we learn from losing and falling, but even with those teachings, we will always be reminded of how we learned that lesson and may flinch every time we are forced to dip into that mental bucket for reference.

Depending on how you react, that seed of doubt can grow one of two ways. It can fuel you or it can defeat you.

So what next?

You get up. You shake off the cobwebs, knock down the cartoon birds and stars circling your head and realize that others have faced these same challenges before. Like many great, formerly undefeated, fighters before, you get up and beat up the next person they put in front of you. Like any other challenge life gives you, you get up and #Tryharder to conquer the next hurdle and then the next until winning or succeeding becomes habitual again.

It all starts with the first deep breath. The first step. The first punch. Rematches happen for a reason beyond making money, they are a venue for redemption. When life gives you another shot, make sure to take advantage of it.

#Tryharder

Me: Why are you driving your sister crazy?  Why are you following her around?

Sean:  Because I love her.

When you're 5 years old, your 8 year older sister hangs the moon. She's the biggest influence in your life and even though she yells at you, hits you and tells you to go away, you can't stop loving her. Partly because driving her nuts is so much fun.

Growing up being the middle son and the 3rd oldest of 4, I don't recall too many serious moments or times where we didn't love each other to the point of driving each other crazy. We fought and shouted, but in the same minute we were throwing things at each other, we couldn't bear to be away from each other. If anyone ever wished to do any of us harm, we would not stand for it. (Sometimes I wonder if my sister was so protective of us because we were hers and hers alone to torture and she didn't like the competition).

My sister Kim, the oldest, would scream at us at the top of her lungs and threatened to kill us!   My brother Michael would retaliate by putting a yellow towel on his head (to mock her hair) and then would scream and make up words just to weaken her case for being upset with us. The more Kim yelled, the more he poked. The more he poked, the harder it was for her to keep a straight face. Whenever she barked out orders, which is what you do when mom and dad would leave you in charge while they were gone, we would call her "boss". "Ok boss!  You got it boss!  Whatever you want boss". It drove her so crazy her head would explode!  She'd want to kill us, but would end up laughing as she chased us around the house. Love and hate. The balance of family.

Love. Never discount the importance of love. It is the secret sauce in every aspect of life. Food is better with love as an ingredient, relationships are obviously better when rooted in love and your work is more rewarding when it is based in love.

Also, don't discount hate. They say the opposite of love is not hate. It's actually apathy. Hate still implies you have passion for something. You care enough to hate it. When you can easily walk way from something or you become indifferent, then you no longer feel for it. You're done. You're numb and that's apathy.

I think we have all been at a crossroads with something or someone where our love has been challenged.

#Tryharder to identify the things you love as well as hate in this world. Understand that just because you hate something, doesn't mean you need to remove it from your life. It's balance. You can't run around loving everybody and everything, nor can you do the same with hate. Love. Hate. All needed in the overall balance of life and the balance of relationships.

Yes, I still believe it's important to fill your life with more things you love over the number of things you hate, but don't disregard the importance of the discomfort that comes with hate. Hate helps drive you in aspects where love cannot. Hate gives you a better appreciation for the things you love and helps you to realize what's important.

Love and hate. All good stuff. Don't get it twisted.

sleeping bag siblings

If I could pick one thing that I love to do and do it for the rest of my life, it would be to cook.

I love to cook!

Something about being able to take a bunch of things and turn them into one thing, while trying to balance out their attributes and contributions in such a way that it allows them to complement each other and create something new, as if they were always supposed to be together to begin with, excites me. I flat out enjoy it. I don't look at cooking as a chore or a bother, but rather an opportunity to create, share and sometimes teach. My mom feels the same way, so it could be hereditary.

Whenever I get the chance to cook for others, I get a bit giddy. For example, I have a dinner party that I throw annually in the fall and I plan it out months in advance. From the planting of the vegetables, in order to make everything from scratch or ensure it is organic, to keeping a cache of homemade chicken stock in the freezer, I make every effort to make the meal an experience. The party lasts a few hours, but the preparations start months in advance. I do this out of love and appreciation and not out of showmanship. Regardless, I am a "pleaser", so it's important that people enjoy the time spent together along with the food and both should be memorable.

Here's the catch, I wouldn't want to do it for a living.

If I was given the opportunity to make the same amount of money or maybe a little more to cook all day, I believe I would pass.  I wouldn't want to make this passion in my life into the thing that provides for my family. I do not want to take something that brings me joy and often balance and turn it into something that I may have to force myself to do in the future. Life gives us so few creative outlets that we truly appreciate, without reservation, and it would be a shame to bastardize these opportunities by turning them into something that becomes the source of our financial livelihood or worse; they become mundane. Many careers or things in our lives have become "have to" and we all need something to keep the creative fires burning and help to maintain balance. Life needs more "love to" moments, don't you agree?

"Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life". -Mark Twain.

Mark Twain said find something you "enjoy" doing; he never suggested that you should create a career around your passion. There's a difference between "enjoy" and "passion" and it's important to not get them confused.  I love what I do for a living, but deep down, I show up every day because the checks don't bounce and they afford me the opportunities that feed my passions. My children, my wife, my family, and making marinara from scratch. I would cook a meal for free, but I don't know if I would offer to do free radio for anyone who requested.

Mark Twain had a passion for piloting riverboats (the origin of his pen name) but he paid the bills with a typewriter. One afforded him opportunities while the other gave him balance, life experience, a platform for storytelling and a pen name.

#Tryharder to not get things twisted. It's wonderful to be able to do a job that you enjoy. A job that challenges you or fills certain needs, because nobody wants to spend eight or more hours a day hating life doing something that has little to no value to them.

I believe your hobby or passion needs to remain an outlet that provides a means of escape. A deviation from the grind of life and a place that allows you to repair and possible create in ways you are not able to with your other obligations. We all need to have that "thing" that is ours. Something where we get to control who gets to experience it with us and when we decide to share it with the world.  Something that isn't forced and is only dictated by your own timeline.

Making your life's passion your career might be attractive to you on the surface, but I believe some things should stay yours and yours alone.

Sometimes the thing that makes you memorable is the thing you least expect or embrace.

A close friend of mine is a working actress in NYC. She's been in a ton of stuff that most of us have never seen and spends her days working on her craft and auditioning for parts. She makes a living in the largest market doing the thing she went to school to become. By career definition and accomplishments, she is an actress. She is very successful, but not a household name. Yet.

She also enjoys Argentine Tango.

I have known this woman for about 20 years and I have never had one conversation with her about Argentine Tango. I am confident that the only conversation she and I have ever had about dancing was back when we went to college together and it was probably me asking her if she wanted to two step or something. That's the kind of dancing you did in west Texas, which is where we both went to college. (I'm pretty sure she said “yes” and then criticized my technique the whole time).

When I texted my friend that I was planning on doing a blog about Argentine Tango, her response was "what do you know about Argentine Tango". My response was "Nothing. That's exactly why I'm writing about it".

Actors have a one sheet, traditionally accompanied with a headshot that says who they are what they have done. Most of us have a similar resume, but we don't have to always submit a picture or have a certain "look" in order to work in the mail room. Where we have to list things like "Microsoft word" or "expert in Power Point", actors get to list things like "able to juggle flaming bowling pins" or in my friend's case, "Trained in Argentine Tango".

More often than you would ever expect, people seem to be drawn to ask questions about this line on her resume. Maybe they are dancers as well or they are curious about the style of dance, but it comes up and works as a great ice breaker for her to create a deeper connection with these directors and agents. Taking lessons for years, at $15 a week, has helped to open many doors of communication and has been a cheaper investment than a masters in acting. It is also something she enjoys and gives balance to her career focused life.

After hearing her talk about her love for Argentine Tango on a podcast, I passively spent the next few days looking at images and reading articles on techniques and the names of positions for the style of dance. I have no intention of taking on this hobby, but my love for my friend made me curious. To have known someone for as long as we've known each other and to never have a conversation about it is a funny thing to me. Maybe we have and I just don't remember? Maybe I am a terrible friend with a terrible memory? Haha.

Then again, there are probably things that I enjoy that she doesn’t know about. You may share a lot with the people in your life, but each and every one of us has a “thing” that we keep private or just don’t share (This is not where I come out and expose my love for gangsta polka music).

Some things in life just need to be private. It's important to have things that you love or enjoy that are just for you and maybe a handful of other people. There is nothing wrong about being passionate about something that nobody else will ever know about. You can Tango by yourself and nobody will ever know (wait, what!?). Then, there are those things that open doors that you never expected. They make you unique or possibly give you leverage and opportunities. They "thicken" your personality.

"So you played Cleopatra for six months...so did the lady that auditioned before you".

What makes you more interesting? What makes you different? What makes you someone I want to carry on a conversation with beyond your initial accomplishments or the list of achievements on a resume? These are all simple questions, but you need to know the answer to them if you are finding it difficult to get the job you want.

Life is speed dating.

You only have a few minutes to be memorable and good looks or the big accomplishments you would post on a resume will only get you so far. You want and need to be "sticky" and memorable. If you are devoting your existence solely on one thing (career) you may find that the lesser "qualified" people are getting the promotion (or in some instances, the date) because they are interesting and can offer experience or depth in areas beyond and not related to the job requirements.

In short, I now know more about my dear friend and perhaps we should all #Tryharder to embrace more things that could potentially give us added depth and at the same time balance in our life. It is never healthy to be boring and one dimensional and the little extra things that we add to our persona can certainly open doors we had no idea existed.

My wife is a funny woman. I have been in love with this woman for over 17 years and I want to be with her till the day I die. Chances are I will die first, so saying till the day she dies wouldn't apply. Give or take a few years, she only has to put up with me for maybe 40 more years? After that, she can get married to whomever she likes, as long as he's rich.

We have two sinks in our master bathroom. Hers and mine. My sink, or at least the one that is designated as my sink, has a handful of things on the counter. Mouthwash, pills I have to take to live 40 more years, electric razor, my cologne and that's about it. Her side of the bathroom has approximate 30 times more stuff on it and I honesty don't know what most of it does besides cause us to be late to places.

Sometimes, because she's a girl, her stuff flows over to my counter. Like when she "saves me 100s of dollars" by doing her own nails. I'd like to point out that our sink areas don't connect and that they are more than 5 feet from each other. Her stuff doesn't just overflow to my area, it migrates like birds in the winter. I don't care because I am not using the space, I just find it humorous that someone half my size needs 30x the stuff to get ready. I have a daughter, so I am going to assume that things are only going to get worse in a few years.

I have had this "thing" since college, where I will drink out of the same cup for a 24hour period. I don't want to dirty dishes or dispose of multiple cups in a day, so I leave my cup on the kitchen counter next to the fridge. Yes, I also drink several different beverages in a day, all out of the same cup. I know for a fact, even though we have a huge kitchen with 5 different counter spaces, that this 16oz reusable plastic cup from a BBQ place we occasionally eat at drives my wife nuts. She may not always physically show her hatred for this cup, but more often than not, she will make a point to acknowledge it in some way.

"How old is this one"? (Sarcastic tone).

"You finished with it"? (Frustrated tone)

Sometimes it's non verbal. Sometimes she pushes it so far into the corner of the counter and fridge area that I almost forget it's there. 5 counters in the kitchen and whatever space my cup takes up is always a burden to her and could be the cause of all that is wrong in the world. It's small, but in the world of things she must tolerate, this thing is the size of King Kong. Doesn't she know that I'm helping the environment and giving her far less things to wash? (I don't load the dishwasher properly, I'm a man)

Why is it a burden?

Because it's MY clutter. MY thing. That cup is a part of who I am and what I am about. You're not going to convince me, after 20+ years of cup recycling, that the cup next to the fridge is ruining the world we live In. People don't understand it and it doesn't fit into her plans or life; it's frowned upon. To be fair, for the most part, she rolls with the punches, but the cup makes for a perfect jump off point for this chapter.

A girl I dated for a short time in college couldn't get past that I was Catholic. She didn't say it, but she showed it. She was Southern Baptist and believed that asking me questions about my religion, in a somewhat condescending tone, was a way to learn more about my church. Judging and questioning, although in the same ballpark I guess, are nowhere near the same. I didn't care about her religion (and honestly I'm not the best Catholic) because it wasn't a sticking point for me in life, but for her it was certainly a line in the sand when it came to moving forward in our relationship. It's something she didn't "do" and that made it strange and wrong. A part of her believed, since she wasn't Catholic, nobody else should be. I did get to third base though and no, I didn't go to confession afterwards. (Again, I'm not the best Catholic).

A little while ago, I asked a friend/mentor of mine to read some chapters from #Tryharder and possibly give me an endorsement for the book. This man is someone I have known for a good while and is a pretty big deal in my industry. Having his support and being able to use that support in my marketing would be a huge opportunity and could increase the overall exposure of the book. He read through the pages and really enjoyed the message and the theme of the book. He sited examples of great takeaways and the potential impact of those takeaways. He was excited to share his feedback, but at the end of his praise he said this...

"With all that being said, I cannot support your book or encourage others to read it because it contains swear words".

Because he doesn't swear, he couldn't endorse the book or understand anyone that uses those words. Swearing, like a cup on the counter for my wife or Catholicism for the girl in college, was his line in the sand.

Well, Fuck it. I still respect him, but I found his logic troubling since he is a fan of mine and the book is a reflection of who I am. Hate the sin (although not a sin) and not the sinner I guess?

Let it go. You can't will and pray people into a direction. You can only hope they eventually find where they are supposed to go in life and do so on their own timeline. You can open as many doors as you want, but nobody can make them enter. You can't hold the world to the standards and restrictions that you put upon yourself, especially when it comes to little things like what you drink out of, how you pray or the words you choose. #Tryharder to leave those judgmental restrictions for the bigger and more important things in life. You know like murder, infidelity and wether or not you put ketchup on hot dogs. (For the record only communists put ketchup on hot dogs).

4am in the freaking morning one of the smoke detectors decided to let us know that it needed a battery.

This stuff never happens at 4pm or at a time when I happen to have the ladder in the house. Like a hungry newborn baby, these little bastards want to be changed at 4am, after a night when you stayed up a little later than usual and felt you could sleep in because the next day is Saturday.

I waited it out. I tried. I am guilty in doing this with our kids, especially when they shout "I can't find my Woobie", only to realize, as I walk into the room, that they rolled over on it. Because it's easier to shout than to actually look for it, they yell for one of us. It's funny, I'm actually the more patient parent, but the kids are gluttons for punishment and mistakenly say the word "mommy" before they say what the issue is. The problem with mommy is that, if she is forced to make the trip upstairs, everyone in the house is going to pay. With me, I take on the task as quietly as a 200 pound man can tip toe up 15 stairs and into a kid's room. At 4am my petite wife is the size of and is as loud as a T-Rex.

So after fighting it for 45 minutes, I got up, grabbed the few 9 volt batteries we actually had in the house (you always have batteries, but never have the batteries you need) and headed upstairs with a Disney princess flashlight. I also never have the flashlight I want...

The hunt began.

We live in a two story 3600 square foot house with lots of tile and tall walls. These factors make it difficult to pin point the origin of almost any sound, especially one that pings like a submarine and only makes a noise once every 60 seconds. You basically have to be right under the smoke detector to hear if it's the one with the issue. By process of elimination, I could rule out the one in the downstairs living room. It was still missing a battery from the last time this happened and I ended that search with a "fuck it" as I ripped out the battery and never replaced it. I'm so YOLO that I didn't even bother to close the little plastic door on that one. Fires are just going to have to happen upstairs.

I proceeded to do the pull up a chair (again, the ladder is in the garage), stand under the detector and wait for a flashing light or that submarine ping sound routine. Over and over again I did this in every room of the house. I didn't do this once, each potential smoke detector culprit got checked twice, and two of them got checked 3 times. I gave those two the benefit of the doubt and changed them anyway, only to have the ping sound happen again as I closed the little plastic doors.

It was now 5:30am on a Saturday morning. Fuck it. I tossed the princess flashlight and the batteries on the counter and I fell back into my bed. I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, but I was done hunting for the stupid smoke detector.

My wife rolls over and in a sleepy voice says "it's probably the carbon monoxide detector on the bookshelf". I promptly got back up, walked upstairs with the one good 9 volt battery we had left and located the carbon monoxide detector on the bookshelf. The bookshelf is located exactly between the two smoke detectors that I checked 3 times and eventually changed. I grabbed it off the shelf, opened the back of it and realized that it's the only detector in the house that requires AA batteries. Of course!!! Why would it take the battery that I just happened to have in my hand!? With detector in hand, I marched downstairs, knowing that all the AA batteries are currently in the back of the 4 different Nintendo Wii controllers that we own; and chucked the carbon monoxide detector onto the counter. From there, I fell back into my bed and closed my eyes only to be awoken 60 seconds later by a little 5 year old boy that needed to use the bathroom outside of our bedroom. He pisses like a gown ass man and slams the toilet seat up before he starts to pee. Must be because he's half T-Rex.

What's the #Tryharder takeaway from today's blog? Ask an expert their opinion? The T-Rex is always right?

Always wake up your wife when there's a problem so you don't spend 45 minutes trying to fix it yourself! Oh yeah, and make sure to pick up some batteries on your way home.

Mommy!!!

Honesty is the best policy.

No matter what happens or how things pan out, knowing you were up front and honest is always the best policy. You have to put it out there in order to insure that you are not wasting your time or giving people opportunities to warp or even steal away your goals. You have to be committed to "this is who I am and this is what I am about".

I've been asked out by a few girls in my life. Not bragging, just saying.

Not the kind of asking out where they meet you at a club or party and give you the "one night stand green light", but the old fashioned "can we go out sometime" kind of asking out. Being honest, the "green light" happened a few times too, but I normally passed on those types of relationships. Not always, but normally. I preferred more of a challenge, unless I was going through a dry patch and needed some attention, then I would take the easy route.

A real date. Remember those? After 17 years together and two kids, it's hard to imagine what a date would be like for my wife and me! We used to have them right? One thing is still true, even after being married for all these years, there is no guarantee I get to second base and I'll certainly be the one picking up the check. It we are out past 10pm, my chances for romance decrease exponentially by the minute!

There was this one time in college when a very cute girl asked me out and I said "yes". She was totally my type and I was pretty excited about the whole idea. We had a communications class together and I was going to ask her out, so she saved me the stress and awkward build up to the question. Sweet!

We had dinner and then grabbed some ice cream afterwards. Dinner conversation was good, but dessert gives you a few more minutes to make your move, but also a reminder that you are on the clock and you need to seal the deal of the next date or come up with a creative way of keeping the current one going. Remember in college, there was always a hidden meaning with the phrase "wanna go rent a movie"? Because if the ice cream conversation went well, you better know where the nearest Blockbuster was! A good date was determined by how little of the movie you actually watched, but you needed a reason to invite the girl back to your place.

Anyway, while eating ice cream, I asked her the one question that I asked most of the girls that I went out with in college.

"What do you want to accomplish before you leave this school".

Sadly, even on first dates, goals were important to me. If I was going to date this person, it was important to me that she was passionate about something.

The easy and traditional answers would be "get a degree" or "start my career", but this girl's answer is still burned into my brain now 20+ years later.

She said "God put me here to find my future husband".

She didn't pause. She didn't laugh or kid about it. I wanted to make a joke, but instead I looked her in the eyes and didn't say anything for a few seconds. I then just nodded and began eating my ice cream a bit faster. She was honest and focused with her intentions. This girl was there to get what we called the "M-R-S degree". I'll give her this, she kept it real.

Needless to say, my goals at the time were not aligned with hers and that was our first and only date. Shame. She was pretty hot, but it was never meant to be. I ran into her and the new boyfriend a few weeks later. They met in bible study class. Since she introduced him as her boyfriend, I'm only going to assume she married him eventually. For obvious reasons, we kind of lost touch after that semester.

If your goals are clear and defined and you are honest with yourself and the people around you, then you will always be able to cut through the clutter of life. To me, that wasn't the best use of the four years you spend in college, but this was her journey and I am just flattered that she considered me a suitor for a few hours. She was direct and to the point and I respected her goals and ideas, even if they were nowhere near what I was thinking.

If you don't #Tryharder to speak up and lay it all out there for the world, or at least your immediate group of influence, you will never truly be happy. Yes, some people do not known what they want yet, so there might be a period of time where you can do research on your potential future. You don't need to have it all figured out before you start your journey and you can certainly change your mind along the way. Just make sure your decisions are yours and you are not changing due to your insecurities or peer pressure. Also, don't be so blinded by your goal that you don't see the potential exciting experiences, distractions and learning opportunities life provides you.

Good thing for her that she was open and honest about her God. Had she not said what she said, there most certainly would have been a second date and then I would have ruined it by trying to make it a "Blockbuster" night.

Then again, she might be kicking herself on her 20th wedding anniversary because she didn't allow herself the opportunity?