So this week I came up with a new mission for myself. Connect with 52 new people in 52 weeks.

I've never had a problem meeting new people. I'm aware that I am charismatic and, from what I've been told, engaging. I have a friendly face and that often results in some sort of connection or magnetism. We all have a "super power" and mine happens to be the ability to connect with people quickly. It's important to be aware and embrace what you do well.

My goal in this year long, and maybe longer, experiment is to connect with people I would traditionally never meet. I want to expand my life Rolodex and branch out to other categories of people. Not people I meet through the traditional routes, but rather people I would never imagine meeting.

Social media makes it easy to just blindly pick out a profile and click "follow" or "friend", but I want to go beyond that. I want to make contact with these people, learn their story and share mine. Almost kind of creepy to some of you reading this right? I am a student and teller of stories and I always want to add more to my collection.

Here's what happens in life. You grow up, become an adult and fall into a rut of friends. You can easily put your relationships in buckets like "people I still talk to from school”, "people from work" or "people I met through stuff my kids do". For most of us, that's the breakdown of categories. Maybe two to three buckets of people. Although all these groups are great and I appreciate and love the people in my life; I would be selling myself short in the relationship department if I limited life to just these buckets.

We should all want to have tentacles and branch out. Think of the doors of knowledge, experiences and maybe even opportunity that could he opened with an additional bucket of "life friends" or people you have met through living and not through arrangements of where you grew up, where you work and what neighborhood you live in.

When I was in college I used to play the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game with my friend Robyn. We actually executed it on stage during a talent show and impressed crowds of people with our useless knowledge. You know the game right? People shout out an actor/actress and then we connect that name back to Kevin Bacon within six actors. I can even do it with myself.

Example:
I was in the movie "O" with Martin Sheen. Martin Sheen was in "The Departed" with Jack Nicholson and Jack Nicholson was in the movie "A Few Good Men" with Kevin Bacon.

I did it in 4.

The challenge is to be able to do it within six actors. Hence the name "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon". Why Kevin? I honestly don't know.

Like the game, we see that the world increasingly gets smaller and we learn that most of us are separated by just a few people. Imagine tightening up those degrees of separation and realizing that you are only a handful of people away from becoming aquatinted with 1000s of potential connections. Maybe you are not a "people person", and that's fine, but we should #Tryharder to be aware of the importance of people and the value that comes with having more relationship buckets.

Many people have asked if I would sign their book, but they live too far away or it's just difficult to make it happen.  For a $50 donation to the Phoebe Fund, I will send a personalized copy of #Tryharder to you or whomever you like.  As you know, I don't make a dollar off of the books I write, as every cent goes into a college/future fund for my niece (the daughter of my brother, who passed away a few years ago).

Just click the button and I will personally process your request!

Things have a way of working themselves out.

In 1996, I was sitting in my apartment in San Angelo, TX playing Madden football with my roommate Matthew. I thought of this moment the other day when I was tinkering around with putting this story into a blog. I also realized that the last Madden football game I had played was probably 2004 and, if I were to pick up the latest game, I would be completely and totally lost. Yet, my 6 years old son would pick it up in a matter of minutes without ever playing a football game prior. I played a good bit of video games in college, just like everyone else, but I am by far the worst player in my house. You can hear the kids groan when they are forced to let me play Mario Brothers with them. I'm like the last kid picked for kickball. It's sad honesty. My wife makes them play with me!! What happened to me? I used to be cool!! Right?

Anyway, back to college. So Matthew and I are sitting there playing Madden and I look down at my left hand. There was a small raised pimple-like spot in the webbing between my thumb and pointer finger. After looking at it a half dozen times, I decided to do what everyone else would do. Squeeze it. As the game came to an end, and I most likely destroyed Matthew's team, I squeezed the raised area. (Work with me here, it's cooler than you think). Out of my hand shot a piece of wood the size of a large pencil lead. A good chunk-way bigger than a sliver or thorn. Enough to actually catch fire if I lit it. Fans of the Dr. Pimple Popper website would have lost their mind with this extraction from me body!

How did it get there? 6 years prior to the squeezing, I was working for my dad on a construction site and we were building scaffolding for the exterior of a 3 story police station in Austin. I stood on a scaffold as my cousin Rob handed me pieces to assemble the next story of the structure. I would then climb up onto what I just pieced together and build the next story. I hated this job above any other I was forced to do as a construction apprentice. This was never going to be a career and there were only two factors that kept me from quitting this job. 1) I made more money than most of my burger flipping high school friends and 2) My dad was the boss, so I had no choice but to work.

As we were building the structure, and I'd like to add I am not a fan of heights, people below me would hand me 10 foot long 2" x 12" boards that I would use to stand on while putting up the other pieces. You would lean over the side as low as you could, grab the board and then shimmy it up till you could move it into place. On this day, there was one board with a sizable chunk of wood sticking out and as I shimmied it up with my hands that chunk went completely through the webbing of my hand and broke off. Imaging, if you will, a small drumstick sticking out of your hand, one half out the bottoms and one half out the top. Get the visual? Magicians do this as a trick in their shows, whereas I actually had a chunk of wood through my hand! No blood. Just shock and a little bit of pain. I then climbed down the scaffold, shouted for my dad to come over and he then took me to the first aid kit. We yanked out the wood, I bled Monty Python style (it sprayed a little), we poured some peroxide on it, bandaged it up and I was back in the scaffold 15 minutes later. No stitches. No aspirin. On a construction site, you don't go to the doctor unless you can't stop bleeding or you broke a leg. Why a leg? Because if you can't stand up, you can't hang drywall. Why not an arm? Because you can hang drywall one handed. I've seen it done by my father who has broken his wrist more than 10 times.

So, for about 6 years, I had this lump in my hand the size of a small marble. Never had it looked at because everything healed fine and we chalked the lump up as an internal scar. I had a tetanus shot since the incident so there was no further cause for concern. For 6 years this piece of wood took its time to surface and escape my body. After 6 years of waiting, it finally worked itself out.

Things have a way of working themselves out. I know this was a strange story to fortify that statement, but would you have rather me share with you yet another story of someone facing adversity and then getting what they waited for in the end? Boring! A chunk of wood, living in secrecy for 6 years inside my hand and then making its comeback! Heck, they could write a Netflix series around that!

#Tryharder to understand that we don't have complete control of our lives. We can do all the right things and carefully navigate through our day, only to have a large piece of wood spear us in the webbing of our hand or a life event sideswipe us when we least expect. Understand that time and only time determines when we see the side effects or results of our work and patience. This chunk of wood took 6 years to make its way to the surface of my skin with only the help of my body slowly shoving it towards the light.

Imagine what you can do if you applied energy and focus to your issue, while still holding onto the belief that things have a way of working themselves out. You need to see the finish line when you start any journey and visualize where you want to go. Know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in life and when the opportunity presents itself that allows you to move forward and cross that line or finish that chapter, have the courage and curiosity to squeeze the pimple and see what comes out.

"He's a nice guy".

"She's cute".

"He has a good job".

"She has a good heart".

Almost always, all of these phrases are the kiss of death when it comes to dating. Eventually, after you get older and some dating standards change, these qualities move up in importance when looking for a mate; but initially these phrases will cause you to have many free Friday and Saturday nights.

I know from experience! When I stopped always trying to be a "nice guy"- I became a "serial dater". What flipped the switch? I developed ridges!

What commercials do you remember most? The ones that are different. The ones that stand out. They are funny or provocative in some way. They connect because they give you something to hang onto. They have ridges.

I once worked with a morning show that had some success in the ratings, but it was mostly due to the type of music we played and not because of their ability to entertain. I'm not taking anything away from them, they are talented, but they didn't give the audience anything to really hang onto. They lacked ridges. When we took them off the air, there were a handful of listeners that were upset. I got emails from people telling me that I suck at my job because I ruined their drive to work; only to call their "favorite" show by the wrong name. Or they called to vent that I took away the only show that they listened to "every morning"; 3 weeks after I took it off the air. Favorite? Every morning? When you are compelling, you have ridges and you are memorable.

After a date, girls (and guys too) will go back and tell others about you and one of these two stories will be told. 1) You are an amazing person and you have so many things in common. 2). It was the worst date ever. Both have ridges. The dates in between these two anchors get one sentence and it’s something like, "It was fine". That line is usually followed up by a lack of returned calls, you’re placed in the "friend zone" and given no dating referrals to another single friend of theirs. Being good looking isn't a ridge and won't get you much beyond a swipe right on Tinder. Having love handles are not the greatest ridges either (I speak from experience). Having memorable ridges will allow you to make an impression.

If you are smooth and watered down, then you give others no ridges to grab onto. They fly past you in the river of life, never to gain any knowledge of who you are or what you can accomplish. They don't have things that they can tell others about you. We all want to be memorable and in order to do that, we need ridges. #Tryharder to recognize and embrace your ridges. Know that if you walk through life afraid to offend, make an ass of yourself or showcase your abilities; you will get overlooked. You will be forgettable. You were not put on this earth to be forgettable and the only thing stopping you from being memorable is you.

There are moments in your life when you want your name or number called. When the coach needs someone to take the potential game winning shot or when you are randomly selected to win something; those are the times in your life when you want to be called upon. You want to be noticed. You want the attention. You want to be the chosen one!

Then, there's jury duty.

That's where I am at today and hopefully only today. I'm sitting in a room with 400-500 people, all waiting to not be selected for this "honor" of serving their community. As I scan the room and the people around me, I don't see anyone that resembles Pauly Shore. Remember that movie? He was chosen to be on the jury and he does everything he can to extend the process in order to make money and spend time with a girl. When I think of being called to jury duty, I always think of that terrible movie. Not sure if Pauly ever had a good one, but sadly I think I watched them all. My brother did a dead on impression of Shore and because of that, his movies will always have a special place with me....no matter how dumb they are. On a somewhat related note, I interviewed Pauly Shore about 15 years ago and he was a total dick.

To my right there is an older man who appears to be snoring. To my left, there is a woman who sprayed about 2-3 squirts too many of her perfume on the way here this morning. Two rows up there is "phone guy". Phone guy is a prematurely balding guy in his 30s, wearing a blazer and not whispering as he is talking to, what I believe to be, a receptionist or assistant or something. Total power move as he wants the people next to him to believe that he is someone special. He's also wearing a blazer in Texas. In August. He may be a mover and shaker, but let's hope he's wearing extra strength deodorant. Older, cackle laugh lady is about 10 yards to my right and there are about a dozen potential jurors who could be labeled "cough all the time" people. I can feel myself getting sick, just from being in the same room. When the zombie virus spreads, I'm blaming them.

Like ripe tomatoes on a vine, we are all sitting here waiting to be picked.

Don't get me wrong, I am doing my civic duty today and I am very curious about the whole process. I'm here on a day that traditionally is an easy day for court cases. Friday is when they usually do the ones that would require me to be here for days upon days, so I'm pretty happy about that. I don't want to be on a murder trial or something dramatic like that. Maybe it's a traffic related case and because of my "obsession" with bad parking pictures, they will recognize that and not choose me? "Mr. Murphy! How do you feel about people who double park"? Yeah, they don't want me on that trial!

After 5 rounds of panels with 30-75 people getting called up per round, I finally hear my name. I'm 19th on the list and positioned in line between a guy that is 6' 5" and another that 5' 2". They line us up, send us to the 4th floor (we were in the basement) and make us stand in a very warm hallway outside of the courtroom. Then, after 45 minutes, they let us go. I guess the two parties that were fighting figured it out and didn't need us. After spending 6 hours in the same place, I now won't be called up again for jury duty for at least 3 years.

There are times in our lives where we want to be called upon. We want to be recognized, but when it happens, it's more often than not, the moment that we don't want to be called upon. The time you actually knew the answer in class-you never got called. When you are crouching down, not raising your hand and hiding, that's when you get called. It never fails.

Life is unpredictable. You never know what curve it's going to throw at you and you can only prepare so much for what the future plans to present to you. I spent 6 hours preparing for a moment that never happened-nobody saw that coming. Some of us are called for religious reasons or called upon to lead the group in a certain direction. I guess I can add being called to be more than just an uncle to my niece-the daughter of my deceased brother. We all have an unknown calling that will eventually find its way to us.

You can't always prepare for it and you don’t always get to pick what’s next. You can however, take important and calculated steps to allow your life to accept more. For some it can be financial. For others it can be emotional or just prioritizing time to allow for you to accept "more" in life. Take a #Tryharder moment over the next few days to clear your mind and prioritize your actions. Set goals and create timelines for those goals so that if something comes your way or your number is called and you find yourself somewhat distracted or sidetracked because of it, you will at least have a foundation for readiness. It's not about preparing for the worst, it's about preparing for the inconsistency of life. I have no idea what the trial was about, but I am happy they worked it out without my help.

#juryduty

Lube #Tryharder

When mechanical parts work together they are usually separated by a small amount of oil or lubricant to prevent them from breaking down. When we are going through a difficult time and the friction of life takes its toll on us, we often feel the need for some sort of buffer between the grinding of the plates.

We need lubricant.

Time is the thing that lubricates us from one tough moment to the next. Without it, much like the flaking of metal chards in an engine, we can become scarred and our tolerance, mindset, beliefs and sensitivity can erode; causing us to change.

To say that I am the same person I was 5 years ago would be a lie on some many levels. A lot of my life has changed. From relocating back to Texas to losing my brother to crossing another decade milestone in age, a lot has happened and all of those things have made an impact-good and bad. They have changed me and time has been the one constant and buffer. My parents and I are on a different level of communication, my sister and I are closer and my niece and I have a great relationship that probably never would have happened had it not been for the passing of my brother. Those things only became apparent to me due to the buffer of time.

When it comes to music, we in the radio industry, often use the expression "time heals all tempos". What that means is that just because a song or a type of sound is polarizing to people today, doesn't mean that it will be tomorrow. Rap music and hard rock were once not acceptable to the mainstream pallet, but over the years, they found their way into the programming of traditionally formatted radio stations and are now very much the norm. All they needed was time to erode the edges and become more acceptable to the masses. The songs really didn't change, but our perceptions and tolerance did. People don't often change and situations don't always change, but time allows us to cope and become tolerant and accepting.

Work to be accepting of your scars and the scars of others. Understand that life is not a race and the journey is going to put us in places we didn't see ourselves in and provide us with outcomes we never saw coming. You can't place a Band-Aid on life and expect things to fix themselves or heal overnight (like you believed when you were a kid). #Tryharder to accept that time is the only true lubricant and it happens at its own pace.

More than 15 years ago I was handed the keys to my very first radio station as a program director. I had been in radio for a bit, and was the #2 guy in the programming hierarchy for a few years, but this was the first time I got to be the boss. The person responsible for every aspect of the long term and short term planning of the radio station. Every sound that came out of the speakers fell upon my shoulders and it was hard not to be a bit giddy at the possibilities to come! Yes, this is cooler than creating your own playlist with an app on your phone!

Prior to this promotion I had almost always been the #2 guy at the station. The buffer. The guy who did the leg work and worked as the liaison between the boss and the staff. The guy that would help lobby for the morning personality to get a raise and at the same time planted seeds with the staff on behalf of the boss that kept the "troops" from revolting. It takes a bit of gamesmanship to be the #2, but if done right, you become the most popular person at the station and often the most valuable asset to the team. You feed each side information and remain loyal to both parties. You are not the guy that says "no", so naturally people like you.

After years of being the #2, I leaned that when you become the boss, depending on the staff and the environment, you can be the most hated man at the radio station and most of the time it's just due to the title you hold.

On my first day as the boss, the GM of the station (my boss) threw a welcoming party and invited the entire staff from all departments. We had it at this really classy place called Applebee's. Yep, spare no expense, but we were “eating good in the neighborhood” and it was free, so I shouldn't complain. Having moved more than 1000 miles to take the job, I guess showing me the local culture and cuisine wasn't important at the time?

I sat down at the bar and one of the on air talents sat down next to me and ordered a round of beers for the two of us. He welcomed me to town, as we had not yet met prior to this moment, and said to me these words within the first 30 seconds of our meeting. "Kid, I've been doing this longer than you've been alive so if you are here to teach me things, don't bother".

It was true. He was older than me and there was a strong chance that he had been doing radio as long as I had been alive. Less than a day into the job, this became my first challenge as a manager. This was a moment of defiance and flexing. An attempt to set the tone for the relationship moving forward. If this was a scene from National Geographic's Wild Kingdom, this would have been where the older gorilla beats his chest and yells really loud. Most relationships start with a handshake and a "how's it going?", but not this one.

My response? I took a long sip of beer, swallowed, smiled, looked him in the eyes and said "I'm here to have fun and win. If you happen to learn something in the process, cool".

He didn't exactly set the tone for how things were going to work between the two of us, but he did help to alter the way I communicate with people I work with or manage. It could have been easy to fire back at him with something equally as ignorant or arrogant and challenge his attempt to be the alpha, but what good would that have done at the time? This was a first encounter and a measuring stick of how our relationship was going to operate. We were stuck with each other in this arranged marriage and it would be weak of me to march into my manager’s office and demand we fire the guy after only knowing him 24 hours. Perhaps he didn't know how to talk to a younger manager? What tone would that have set with the rest of the staff? What buy in would I really get from others? I wasn't there to turn the place upside down, I was there to make the product better and in order to do that, I needed the help of the biggest and most important assets in the building-the people that worked there; Regardless of how they felt about me or about learning.

In the two years together, he and I never really saw eye to eye, but I was perceptive enough to figure out what worked and didn't work when it came to coaching and teaching him. He taught me a lot about patience and how to be a better manager. Although he didn't need to learn anything, he sure did recite back many things to me, not truly realizing that I was the one that planted that seed in his head. I don't play mind games with anyone, but I do know how to get people to buy into something without having to beat them over the head or scream.

My father has been in construction since he was a teenager and when I got the promotion, he gave me this advice. "You're not there to make friends and if you fire someone, do it on the first floor". In construction, the second part is very important because you don't want someone throwing you or themselves off the side of the building, so firing them on the first floor is the safest and they have a greater chance of not wrecking things on their way out. In short, I don't know how well his advice applied to this situation.

#Tryharder to keep a cool head about you in times of confrontation or challenges from your staff or even the people around you. The challenger wins if they get a rise out of you and throw you off your game. All great boxers have a plan going into a fight that often gets altered when they get punched in the nose for the first time. Let's be honest, you look stupid when you flail your arms around in the air as your face gets red in anger. We make horrible faces when we get angry and people remember more of how you looked and less about what you said. Just ask children what they remember most about the time you yelled at them and it won't be the words (because they will do it again, always) but it will be how you looked at the time. I'm not saying that we should be robotic or void of passion and emotion, but I believe you get a stronger buy in from others with a disarming tone, opposed to frothing at the mouth and screaming. Your team does not need to see you rattled and if you are already the outsider walking into a new situation, it's important that you hold composure. There's always time to have a meltdown, but pick and choose those times wisely.

In case you are wondering about that employee; he is still working at that station doing the same exact thing he was doing when I met him and probably continuing to learn nothing from anyone. Yet, through his behavior (and there are a lot of stories to tell) he taught me a lot about how to deal with people and situations and I think that made me a better manager.

Are you sitting down?

I started this blog 8 months ago and then put it down and moved on to other blog topics. It's been in the back of my brain for a while now and I just couldn't seem to cobble the words together to make my point. This offering has a lot of pain attached to it and perhaps I just wasn't in the proper mindset at the time to do it justice or had the right emotions in the tank to get all the words and feelings out all in one sitting.

I don't usually start and stop a chapter, as most of my stuff is "stream of consciousness" style and I start and finish a topic all within a 24 hour period and most of the words are typed on my iPhone as my daughter swims for an hour in the morning on Saturdays.

So today, after changing the name of the chapter, I will give it another go.

We often recall where we were when something amazing or traumatic occurred in our lives. People often ask each other "do you remember where you were when..."

A few things off the top of my head would be:

Challenger exploding-I was standing in a single file line waiting to go back into class when I heard one teacher whisper to another that the Challenger shuttle had exploded. I'm pretty sure I was the only kid that heard the whisper exchange and I rushed home after school to turn on the television to watch the news. At that age, it was probably one of the few times, if not the only time, I rushed home to actually watch the news. I didn't know how big of a deal it was at the time, but I knew it was something that everyone seemed to care about, so I paid attention.

When 911 happened I was working in Worcester, Massachusetts. I remember walking into the radio station studio and telling the morning show what I had just heard and asked them to stay on the air till further notice. I remember walking across the street to the radio shack to buy a TV for the studio so we could see what was happening. I stood there in that Radio Shack for probably 20 minutes, with a bunch of strangers, just watching the video coverage over and over again. Numb. So very numb at that moment and not knowing what the hell any of it meant. Just a room full of strangers, staring at the TVs on the wall with eyes and mouths wide open. That’s the only way I can explain it.

When Barry Bonds hit #700, I was drinking in the ESPN zone at Disneyland with my best friend. Neither one of us really liked Bonds, but we both appreciated the moment as we drank. I also had onion rings.

And now to the events that really changed my life...

My brother Michael and I were sitting along the side of the street after football practice, waiting for my sister and younger brother to come get us. We waited and waited and as it got darker, we started to think our sister had forgotten to come and get us. I assure you, it was within the realm of possibilities as she is quite capable of forgetting such an important task and not above leaving us to sit as payback for some terrible thing we did to her. After a few hours, and after every other kid was picked up, a police car drove up and asked if we were the "Murphy boys". The officer asked us to get in the car and he took us back to the police station. We had no idea why we were there, but we sat patiently and waited. I'm not gonna lie, I started to think about all the things that teachers told me would be on my "permanent record" and imagined that all that stuff finally caught up with me.

The officer then explained that there was a car accident and that my sister Kim had to be taken to the hospital because she was in bad shape and that my little brother Jimmy had died. The officer wasn't supposed to tell us the news. He was actually supposed to wait for another person to arrive, as it was her job to convey this message, but I guess he couldn't wait and his bedside manner was terrible. He told us like a career cop who had been rid of all tact and sensitivity that comes with doing a tough job like this for 30+ years. Didn't matter that we were 11 and 13 years of age, he dropped the news on us and expected us to take it like men. Michael took it like a man. Didn't cry. Didn't flinch. Just took it. Me on the other hand, I cried harder than I had ever cried before and I didn't stop for days. I was sitting down at the time and later I was sitting in the lap crying in the arms of a complete stranger. It was the woman that was supposed to deliver the message.

A few years ago, our house phone rang while we were eating dinner. We don't answer the home phone because it's always a bunch of telemarketers, but we especially don't answer it during dinner. It was my dad. He left a voicemail. "Hey it's Jim, call me back". And then hung up. My parents never call the house phone. My dad never says he's Jim, as I know him as "dad". I called back and he said “Mike died. He's dead". The first words out of my mouth were "What? Is mom ok?" That was the day I lost my 2nd brother and the day I started really writing and sharing my story to the world. The day I became more sensitive to things around me. I was sitting down.

We are not defined by the events in our lives, but we are altered by the results of those events and how we react to them. Like a river that changes the location of its banks through erosion, time tends to take its toll on all of us and leaves our feelings and emotions both smooth and jagged over time. My brother Michael bottled up his initial sadness and pain after Jimmy died and I don't recall ever seeing him break down and cry like I had done upon receiving the news that Jimmy, then Michael, had died. Honestly, Michael was never the same after the death of Jimmy and I often wonder if it was because he felt the need to bottle things up, be a "man" and carry the weight for the rest of us. Sadly, I will never know.

As we get older, we tend to be hardened by the world and the scars of yesterday as they often make us less sensitive to the world around us. With the media and our channels of social communication, we ingest more news and information than ever before and that can cause a numbing of emotions over time. #Tryharder to understand that you are allowed to occasionally crack. You don't have to always carry the weight for the rest of us and that thickening of our skin puts us less in touch with much of humanity. I'm not saying that we need to become fragile people that cry after every movie or change of season, but we do need to emote and occasionally be bothered or moved by things that happen around us.

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Real talk here. We've all done it. We have all waited, somewhat patiently, for the karma train to roll in and hit someone. We place a deserving or undeserving target onto someone else's back and hope that the balance of the world finally catches up to that person. To say that you haven't ever done this would be a lie, because none of us are saints and we have all been wronged by someone.

Relationship karma is probably the most common when it comes to people wanting to see it through. He broke your heart, he cheated on you, she hooked up with the football team while you were dating. You want redemption for your tears, heartache and embarrassment. You check Facebook and find that these cheaters now have this perfect life. They have beautiful children, they go to Hawaii every year and there's a picture of his wife with a huge rock on her hand while she's sitting in her new BMW in front of her mansion of a house. Where's the karma train when you need it!?

When it comes to career karma, we often wonder when the terrible manager is going to get theirs. I haven't worked with a lot of bad people in my career, but I have certainly worked enough years to see some disappointing things or have worked with some people long enough to have them lose my respect. I have heard stories about other workplaces and enough rumors around the industry to know that there are people out there that I may not have a lot in common with and don't want to be friends with because of their actions and choices. I've been screwed over just as much as you have, but I might have a different perspective that I will share in a few with my #Tryharder message below.

We all rank qualities in a person that we admire and respect. We look for common threads of decency or like principled belief. We are all flawed in some way and have particular lines in the sand or deal breakers that we cherish in our lives and hold others to those standards. For me, I judge people by their overall truth. I can't stand liars, cheaters or people who have no interest in the betterment of others. Like you, I like people who appear to be people that are like me.

The thing about karma is that you may never see the results of it and it rarely ever turns out how you imagine it to be. You want to see the perceived bad guy "get his", but you want it by your description and vision of the punishment and that just doesn't happen very often. This isn't a movie where things get wrapped up in one hour and thirty six minutes and the bad guy gets his at the one hour and twenty seven minute mark. Karma isn't always neat, nor is it very timely.

You see the jerks and cheats of the world climb the corporate ladder, win awards, marry the prom queen and make more money than you could ever imagine. The thing you don't see is how hollow or empty these people can become. You don't see the struggle that that person has to endure on a given day or the overall lack of balance in that person’s life due to their actions. Sure, he cheated on his wife, but you don't know the guilt that he carries or the beating he takes from her on a regular basis. You don't get to witness the demons of his actions that continue to haunt him every day of his life. He deserves every bit of it, but you may never actually see your karma wishes pay off or be satisfied by the results because they don't materialize into the beautiful storyline in your head.

#Tryharder to have faith that the world has a way of balancing things out. The results may not come in the perfect, movie like, way you want them to occur, but know that we all get what we deserve in the end. You continue to live your life, do what you feel you need to do and don't let the misconduct and perceived terrible actions of others alter your trajectory or course. You are you and they are them. To harbor a need for punishment is natural, but to let it consume you is unhealthy. Your job is to live life by the expectations you set for yourself and not get sidetracked by a need for redemption; because if you are waiting for the pendulum to swing and the balance of things to come your way, you're going to be waiting a long time. Focus on you.

Don't hold your breath for karma. Just breathe and let life do its thing.

A while back a friend of mine, who just got married at 30 but did not have children, asked me a series of interesting questions about fatherhood. She just shot them at me in rapid fire fashion and I answered them as best and as honest as I could.

"Do you ever regret having kids"?

It's an honest and fair question from someone who has never had children. There is a curiosity, with people who don't have kids, as to how much you are potentially missing out on in life when you choose to spend your weekends at jump castle birthday parties or t-ball games and not vacationing with friends or going to parties with other non-children having couples. It's a selfish based curiosity, but certainly a very honest question and I don't blame her for asking. It's a question almost every person asks themselves before jumping into the baby making club.

I don't regret one thing about making the decision to become a parent. I don't miss one moment of "just the two of us" or my single days and would trade many of those days in for more days of being a dad. I have the ability to see the same thing, multiple ways, and it's amazing! First, with my own eyes and then through the eyes of my children. Need an example? Watch parents at Disney or during a fireworks show. I spend more time looking at the faces of my children than I do with what's happening in front of me. The glow on their cheeks and the size and light of their eyes is more spectacular than any moment you will consume firsthand.

"Is parenting something that came easily for you"?

Without a doubt, being a dad is something I think I was born to do. If I accomplish nothing else in life, I can die a happy man knowing that I helped to create two wonderful and beautiful human beings. No amount of money, awards, praise or accomplishment comes anywhere close to the title of "Daddy". Every decision I make or action I take is connected to my children. Providing for my little people physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is what I was placed on this earth to do and I love every second of it. Becoming a father has been my calling and I have embraced it wholeheartedly.

"You have two kids. Who's your favorite? And I want a real answer, Chase".

The response to this question started with a deep breath and a pause from me. The natural answer is to say "I love them equally, but differently", but that's not what she wanted to hear. So here's my answer...

Honestly, it depends on the day.

I love my kids to the moon and back and would do anything and everything for them within my power. I would give each of them my dying breath if I knew it would give them more time on this earth. I could never love them enough! Yet, when it comes to the question, it depends on the day and the moment. Like any relationships in life, there are times when you are on the same wavelength with a particular person and you are just clicking. Sometimes it's your spouse and other times it could be a sibling or a best friend. Sometimes my daughter and I are connecting on an amazing level and sometimes my son and I are deeply bonding. There are times when it just depends on the needs of the child. Little girls often need mommy more than daddy and sometimes little boys need daddy over mommy. As we become adults, we realize that still holds true, as there are some things you are more comfortable talking about with one parent over the other.

I am sure your parents felt the same way about picking a favorite and if you are not a parent yourself, then you may not be able to relate. Just imagine trying to take a phone call and having two different kids ask you the same question, over and over again, until they get the answer they want or you scream your head off till they stop. Or trying to have a conversation with your wife as the word “poop” gets louder with every laugh from the backseat; and each kid trying to say it louder than the last time you heard it. The loudest of the “poop shouters” is your least favorite at that moment.

I gave an honest answer to a tough question. Parents with more than one kid, that are reading this offering, will most likely agree with this answer. It depends on the day, but I would give my life for either one of them and do so without hesitation. As far as a favorite, it just depends on the day and sometimes the minute.

I know why she asked these questions. When you start the process of “adulting”, you start to wonder if you are capable of handling some of the things life throws at you. She, after spending her 20s being single, dating and then engaged, starting to wonder what kind of person she was going to become in her 30s. Was she cut out for marriage or even parenthood as she probably convinced herself in her teens and 20s that these things would never happen for her? There are girls that I dated in college who are probably surprised that I am a father or that I have been married for 16+ years! As we all grow older, we start to question our former, current and future selves. It was just Christal and me in my 20s and then we became a family of four in my 30s. Who knows what the future has in store for us over the next few decades, but I am excited to grow into the man I will be expected to be moving forward.

#Tryharder to accept the fact that the person you are today will be different than the person you are tomorrow. Welcome the change that marriage, kids or any of the other #adulting things life throws at you and have the confidence in yourself that you will be up for the task that presents itself. You will grow to appreciate the foolishness of your previous self and hopefully utilize those life lessons moving forward. You are capable, so stop fighting the change or holding onto beliefs that your former self convinced you were absolutes. Enjoy what’s happening now, but know that seeing it again through older eyes or even the eyes of your child, is an amazing thing.