I've had many opportunities in life to be vengeful. I've been broken up with, screwed over and wronged just as many times as the next guy. I've had a front row seat to moments where people have attempted to extinguish my flame, but I've never once seen anyone be successful at finishing the job. In the end, I will always come out stronger and wiser...because that's what I do and I do it without stooping to their level.
You have to be careful on what you allow to be a driver in your life. Many of our actions (or reactions) can be rooted in revenge. It often serves as a powerful motivator and pushes you to achieve more, but do you get to fully enjoy your revenge based victories in life? It does take away some of your credit and shine when your success is based on something someone else did to push you in that direction. If you are consumed with revenge, then you will never be happy. You might be driven to do more, but you will never feel fulfilled.
Who are you doing this for? Are you moving on from that ex and finding a new love for yourself or are you doing it for the look on the face of your former lover when they see you out having a (perceived) good time? Yes, it can provide a shot of self-esteem, but is it something that you need for your long term mental health?
Here's the surprising and often unfortunate part. Nobody cares. Your ex, unless they are emotionally unbalanced, doesn't care about your new lover. You want them to hurt. You want them to feel a certain way, but real life is unlike the movies. That moment of redemption doesn't happen like you mentally scripted it. Things don't get resolved in 90 minutes like they do in the movies. The bad guys in life might get theirs, but chances are you will never see it or care by the time it happens. The placement for revenge or redemption never lands where you want it in the timeline of your life.
It’s a challenge, but I try not to wish ill upon people and nor should you. Your "haters" in life stop thinking about you way sooner than you do them. You were the one that allowed the pain to fester while they never thought twice about you. They wronged you because they don't care about you. They took from you because it worked out for them. They, like you, put themselves first and that came with a potential price that you had to pay. Fighters get revenge because the other person agrees to the rematch. The person responsible for that chip on your shoulder or that pain in your heart will never give you an opportunity to return the favor. And if they did, would it be worth it? (No, it wouldn't). Then what? Fighters often take a beating just to prove something. Congrats! You won! Now let's go to the hospital! Your emotional battle scars get worse with every round.
My father once told me, and he doesn't always subscribe to this lesson himself, that the best form of revenge is good living. #Tryharder to just worry about you and live life on your own terms and the rest takes care of itself. Never apologies for happiness. Don't burn time or bandwidth worrying about the bullies in life. The moment you put them in your rear view mirror means you no longer need to think about them again. Resist the urge.
The opposite of love is not hate-it's apathy. Don't let others control your feelings or rob you of your emotions. True happiness comes from liberation and doing exactly what you want, whenever you want, and not wasting a second worrying about others that do not matter.
A vision quest can mean a couple of things. Back in the day, when Native American boys would go through puberty, they would go on a vision quest where they would starve themselves in order to see a vision into the future. They used these visions to chart their course into adulthood. It's also an amazing 80s movie starring Matthew Modine as a high school wrestler, trying to cut weight to wrestle an unbeaten opponent, while hooking up with an older chick while Madonna songs play in the background. It's one of my top 5 favorite sports movies of all time. The pre-match warm up scene, with the song "Lunatic Fringe" playing in the background, is amazing and inspiring. Watch it. The movie is terrible and incredible all at the same time.
Anyway...let's talk about our vision quest.
Getting advice from someone you don't really know or buying into something without a history of belief or proof of success is difficult. A leap of faith or a lack of options is what often brings us to a place where we look for a ray of hope or the answer to our prayers.
When you are staring at life from the bottom of a well, it's hard to maintain a vision of where you want to go. Sometimes in life, you just need to believe in something that doesn't make sense on paper and cannot be confirmed with facts. You have to use a little imagination and put faith in mental pictures.
Some believe the act of visualization is the stuff of desperation. The thought of visualizing goals and dreams is not in the mental wheelhouse for many. Instead, they lean on doing the same thing that brought them (limited) success over the years. It's safe and nobody will doubt you.
Self help gurus and motivational speakers might be onto something. The consistent message from all these speakers and authors is rooted in the act of visualization. If you build it-they will come. If you make it your vision-it becomes a reality. Look, I didn't go to school for this stuff and I'm just as much as a doubter as the next guy, but when I look back at my life, it's hard to argue with the results and how I came to those results.
I can honestly reflect upon most of my accomplishments in life and connect the dots of visualization. Yes, actually seeing the outcome before it occurred. To be fair, life will surprise the hell out of you sometimes, but if you commit to visualizing and embracing the right things in life, the results are pretty amazing. Focus and faith are key.
Here are just a few....
Getting into radio. I sat at in the cafeteria in 6th grade, eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and another student asked me "what do you want to be when you grow up?" (I actually remember exactly who it was, but I won't embarrass her in this chapter) My response, "I want to be on the radio so I can play whatever songs I want." In 6th grade I figured out what I wanted to do and I visualized myself doing it. I imagined myself on the radio. I would fall asleep listening to the radio every night. I read books about it. I called DJs and asked them questions about radio. My brothers and I would make radio shows and whenever there was an opportunity to talk into a microphone, I jumped at the chance. I pictured myself in studios taking with famous people. What I began visualizing in 6th grade, eventually became my career. I've been reaping the benefits of my 6th grade vision for decades now.
Going to college. I was the first person in my family to ever go to college. Generations before me and my older siblings never saw it as an option, but I knew that college was in my future. When I had my first one-on-one with my high school counselor, it went pretty much like this:
Counselor: What do you want to do after high school?
Me: I'd like to go to college.
Counselor: Barnum and Bailey has a clown college. I can get you the application.
Me: I can't juggle.
(No really. That was the exchange).
For years I was convinced that she was serious, but as I got older I came to the realization that perhaps she was joking a bit. Honestly, I may never know. I did use it as a driver to help motivate me to continue to embrace my vision to attend college. I even added "get scholarship money" to my vision and later made that a reality on graduation day. I knew that college was going to be important to my progression in life and I made it a reality. From the day I started high school, I started to dream of my next step in education. I got scholarship money. I graduated in 4 years.
Getting the job. Every job that I have ever taken in my career has come to fruition through some form of visualization. Each move has been a stepping stone to the next and a building block in the foundation of my growth in the industry. I visualize winning people over. Seeing myself in that city and meeting those listeners. Working with the kind of people who I want in my life. I visualize winning, growing and influencing those around me. True story-I had seven rounds of interviews before being offered my current job in Houston. Before each phone conversation I pulled up pictures of the city and stared at them while answering interview questions. Like writing down goals and making them real, I put visuals in front of me so that my focus would never waver.
Remind me to tell you about how I keep focused by using post it notes. I'll share that in another chapter at some point.
You can't just wake up one day and start putting pictures in your head of the things you want to do next. You can have success with the process and become cocky and start visualizing the dumbest things. Hanging pictures of Brad Pitt in your room will not guarantee you will marry him one day. There has to be a little more leg work done to make the process real. Be careful not to visualize yourself into bad positions in life. Although the result may eventually be where you are supposed to be in your journey, negative visualization can result in a lot of heartache and strife. Stick to the positives and know that you may just have to experience some bumps along the way.
#Tryharder to realize that this world is what you make of it. The result of your vision quest is determined by the faith you have in the process, your commitment and belief. Even if you are relying on a higher power to determine your direction in life, you still need the put forth the work and energy needed to see things through. Most amazing things in life come with a leap of faith and a commitment to something you can't see or ever truly control, but it all starts with a vision and the desire to do something with it.
If you have never had to look your children in the eyes and tell them that you “lost” your job, then you have never truly lived. You search for the right life lesson as you are explaining to them that life sometimes deals you a bad hand and you didn't do anything wrong to deserve it. It’s hard to explain to kids that you are being punished for doing nothing wrong. For being so good that they paid you the most money and that’s why they eliminated your position. When the company you work for is more than 22 BILLION (Yes, with a “B”) in debt, they have to make difficult decisions. You have to explain that the people that still work there are still our friends and not bad people. Because kids only really understand good versus bad. Black or white. Grey isn’t a color that is truly understood till you get older.
You teach them to take the high road. You explain that God is telling daddy that he has a lot more to do and a bigger reach of people to influence; and he needs to change jobs in order to do it. You tell them that you've been unhappy at your job for a bit now and the company you worked for prefers to do things that daddy doesn't respect. You tell them life is too short not to want to do and achieve more and be happy while doing it. You need to live in situations where you are thriving, not just surviving. You tell them that we need to be thankful for all the moments and opportunities we are given. Thankful is a difficult feeling to embrace as you sit down and try to figure out your next move and how to feed your family, but thankful is how you should live your life.
Yes, thankful is the answer and thankful is what I am. Not just for being released from something difficult, but thankful for the experiences that come with where you have been and the journey to what is next. “Next” is always exciting! 115 days ago my now former employer decided to eliminate my position and not renew my contract. It wasn’t personal, but it’s hard not to take something personal when they make it difficult for you to provide for your family. So, in all reality, yes, it’s personal. Yet, Instead of taking this opportunity to unleash the negative dragons, and believe me it is tempting, I’m going to do the right thing and tell you why I’m thankful for the past 115 days.
I'm thankful for the time this break has provided me. I'm thankful for my first pause in more than 15 years. To just work on me and not anything or anyone else. Thankful for a stretch of time where I could truly be alone with my thoughts and not have my day, schedule or train of thought disrupted by someone else putting themselves ahead of me.
Thankful for the time I spent trying to build a better me. Not often are we given these moments, so I didn't want to squander this opportunity. I read more, tried new things, gave myself new challenges and pumped more education, iron and spirituality into my body. If I am being honest, some of my soul had been stolen from me and I needed time to repair it. I'm now in the best shape of my life on so many levels. The cobwebs and mental roadblocks have been removed and my vision is better than ever before.
I got to drop my kids off at school and pick them up every day. I'm thankful for these little moments and the extra minutes here and there with them, the added knowledge of school line protocol and how I can now understand and relate to the things my wife screams about when it comes to the parents that do it wrong. Especially the guy that drives a sports car and repeatedly breaks the rules by cutting the line. I used to blow it off when my wife would unload about him and now I share in the hatred for this guy. I give him “the look” every time I see him in traffic.
I’m thankful for being home with my kids more. I enjoy being able to hear the words “I love you” a few more times each day. My heart is full and I love them more than I have ever loved them. We have a greater bond because of this “bump” we experienced together and you can’t put a price tag on that. Our ride to school or ride home topics of conversation are epic! Being a father is my favorite thing in life and will eventually be my life’s work.
I'm thankful for sleeping better. For the past 18 months I have woken up with an aching jaw from clinching my teeth at night due to the buildup of stress from the day and the expectation of that stress in the next day. Two days after my work release, that pain went away. One would think I would be even more stressed out during this process, as I try to figure out where my next paycheck is coming from, but I can tell you that loss can be freeing. I’ve never slept better.
Thankful for church mass at 12pm on weekdays. I've been a struggling Catholic for quite some time now and with my new found free time, and fewer excuses on why I can't make it to the service, I have found myself in church a few times a week. I have always been religious, so it's not like I "found God" in this process. I've always known where he was. We talk all the time, but I now swing by his place more often. Also, when you're asking him for a little guidance in life, it's polite to put forth a little more effort and come see him at his house. I’m thankful that I now know my priest on a personal level. We actually text each other and have lunch.
I'm thankful for the 5lbs I've lost in this process. I eat less, workout more and sleep better these days; it was bound to happen. Dropping a few inches and getting into better shape can do wonders for your self-esteem and helps in the building of a better me.
Thankful for the fact that I never cracked. I truly believe being vulnerable is important in life, but I never allowed this challenge to break me. There were times when I would get choked up because I felt like I let my family down. As a family man, you tend to be harder on yourself than those who are depending on you to bring home the bacon. Truth be told, I mentally pushed myself close to the edge of tears on purpose, but realized how useless that would be. These 115 days were just a speedbump and took no true negative toll on my life. If you know my life story, then you know that I’ve survived WAY worse.
I’m thankful for daily trips to the grocery store. Sometimes just to get one or two items, but it’s important to leave the house, breathe some different air and watch all the stay at home moms walk around in yoga pants. I would deliberately not buy things we were close to being out of (milk, bread, etc.) just to have a reason to go back tomorrow. Also, my grocery store puts out the fresh samples around noon, so I occasionally get a free lunch of cheese, sausage and crackers. I used to do that when I was a kid, my siblings and I could wipe out an entire tray of cheese, so it was fun to relive those days. If you need to know how to make gourmet dinners for a family of four, while spending less than 7 dollars, let me know. I saw it as a challenge each day and not as a punishment. It’s healthy to push yourself to be more resourceful at times.
I’m thankful for the time I spent in coffee shops. I don’t drink coffee at all, but when I was networking with people and drumming up some side projects, coffee shops always seemed like the place people wanted to meet. I’m thankful for those side projects, as they kept me somewhat sane on the days when the doubting voices in the back of my head started to get the best of me. I’m thankful for those voices, because shutting them down helped make me stronger.
Thankful for the time I got to imagine doing something different for a living. After 22 years of working in the same industry, I got to imagine and daydream about careers that allowed me to utilize my strongest skills, but could also teach me so much. I imagined going to different offices or working from home and I got to weigh out the pros and cons of each. They say you change careers seven times in a lifetime, so the time to dream about new challenges was exciting. It also made me realize that I need to create more revenue streams in my life so I have other financial outlets to fall back on. Look for me to own a business in the future. Look for my writing to be featured beyond my books and blogs.
Thankful for the new anticipation of Mondays and the possibility of what could happen next. When you work, you dread the new week approaching on a Sunday night. Instead, I welcomed every Monday because it allowed me to get back on track and chase down my dreams. I will no longer dread Mondays. Mondays are the new Fridays.
I’m thankful to have been home for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and my daughter’s 10th birthday. Those holidays gave me great time for reflection and preparation. Being present and enjoying the moment is easier to do when you don’t have excuses.
Thankful for new friendships and the release of old friendships. After you lose your job, some people will avoid you like the plague. For some reason, unemployment can be perceived as contagious? When I was still new in the business, I didn't reach out to people who got fired. Almost like I'd catch what they got, so I'd go months and sometimes years before connecting. Some I never connected with again. As I got older,
I realized how dumb that was. During my period of unemployment, I took a bit of inventory in my life and paid attention to who reached out and who didn't. I had the time! If you knew about my lack of employment and didn't reach out once in 115 days, know that I noticed. If you didn’t know about me “losing” my job, and I was very quiet about it, no worries. It’s not like I went on Facebook looking for people to pity me. I am thankful that life gave me the space and bandwidth to find new and possibly more caring people to add to my life. I'm not bitter, but the old expression of "you find out who your friends are when..." certainly rings true when you go through something like this. I don’t keep score in life, but I do pay attention. If you are feeling guilty while reading this, then chances are you made the list.
Thankful for the opportunity to connect with more of my readers. I did some freelance writing, connected with more authors and spoke with a couple of people I had never met. They wanted to talk to me because my writing meant a lot to them. It's amazing to influence people you know. It's mind blowing to make an impact on someone you've never met, especially the ones overseas.
I’m thankful for my family that allowed me to lean on them during this time. I never asked for a dollar, but it allowed me to let my guard down and be a little more vulnerable with the most important people in my life. Knowing that I have their support makes my decision of staying in Texas (and I was offered a lot of jobs out of state) even more gratifying. My wife was extremely supportive and never doubted me. There is no substitute for a great support system and another reason I will NEVER leave Texas.
#Tryharder to be thankful for the rare pause that life gives you. Do your best with those moments and look for ways to turn the potentially negative into an opportunity. God, or whatever higher power or energy you believe in, is providing you this time for a reason. You are refilling and refueling for something greater. Obviously, you won’t know this going into the pause in life or career, but have the foresight and sensitivity to know that there is a reason for everything. Take inventory of your life, relationships and why you keep doing this or that. Look for reason and focus in your day and stop going through the motions. Tighten up your loose ends and use the pause as an opportunity to build a better you.
I start my new job in a few days and I never would have gone after this opportunity, or lived up to my career potential, had I still been under contract with my old job. The world has a funny way of pointing you in the right direction and sometimes you have to just let it. Yes, the process can be painful and filled with doubt, but you have no choice but to let it happen. You can only control so much. For a kid that grew up in one of the smallest towns in Texas, “next” is going to be bigger than I could have ever imagined! Like dreams come true big! Sit back and watch what I am about to do and know that I’ll be attacking it with the healthiest version of myself.
Stay tuned!
Are you living a defining life?
If you let it, your life story could be defined simply by the actions you take in certain pivotal moments. You should not be defined by one moment, but your navigation of a series of opportunities that are strung together over the course of a lifetime. Then again, your life definition should be greater than just the trajectory created by these moments. Let’s not sell ourselves short, our lives are bigger than a moment.
We often talk about a defining moment and some action or reaction, good or bad, which flipped a switch and jetted us in a certain direction. That direction can be mental and eventually physical. One action can be somewhat defining, but several choices, strung together over a lifetime, are what makes up your story.
Are you living a defining life or are you waiting for moments to define you? Events will occur in your life that you have no control of and you can only prepare so much for that moment specifically. You don’t know what heartache death brings or what joy parenthood provides until you actually experience these events firsthand. There are so many “what ifs” in life and it’s impossible to see them coming or educate yourself on a full proof way of handling them. What you can and need to do is ready your overall mindset and approach to life.
Do not allow tragedy or heartache to define your role. Do not let the beating of the world decide your fate. Do not let others determine your place in the world. Do not let your scars prevent you from growth.
I've had many moments in my life that serve as triggers to new storylines and paths that I never saw coming. If you have read my previous book and blogs, you would know that I’ve had quite a bit of loss in life and in some ways still learning from those events. I’ve had some amazing things happen as well! You don't get to look at the script prior to signing on for your role in life, so your spirit needs to be optimistic and ready for the unexpected. In your career they say “dress like you would for the job you want” or “in order to get the job, you already have to be doing the job”. You need to live the life you desire and direct everything to run through the filters and screens you have prepared. Create a life foundation and have pillars that support your desired direction and expectations. The unexpected happens, but your mindset and tenacity will need to hold firm so that you can not only survive the storm, but grow from it.
#Tryharder to live a defining life and not be defined by moments that are thrust upon you.
Don't get me wrong, New Year’s resolutions are fun. They give you something to keep track of or to do with a friend, but most tend to fade out by March (and then you’re stuck making that gym payment for the rest of the year). Like "no shave November" or Lent, it's always good to challenge yourself to do something new or to try to go without something you think you love. I always give up shaving in November and I try to not eat a food or a food group during lent. It's healthy and it’s fun. It breaks up the routine of life.
You don’t need the changing of the calendar to make these adjustments or set these challenges. Approach every day as if it was New Year's Day. A new year represents hope, the beginning of a cycle and a launching pad for goals and dreams. We use it as a benchmark or a starting line, but in reality you get 365 of those every year. Use them. Use them wisely.
Any military marksmen or seasoned hunter knows this about target practice-when you aim big you often miss big. When you aim small, you’re focused and the task doesn’t seem so overwhelming. There is a difference between goals and targets. Goals are broad and grand and you certainly want to see them achieved, but they are just goals. Yet, if you approach each day this year with a target, you will certainly improve your odds of success.
#Tryharder this year to make the best of the days you are given. Wake up with the focused target of trying to be better than you were yesterday. Resolutions often feel like mountains you may never finish climbing, but taking on the challenge of hitting a target each day is easier to digest. Easier to manage. It’s more real and immediate. Define your target and hit it.
According to the Chinese calendar, 2017 is the year of the chicken. Be the opposite. Be brave and commit each day to trying harder.
Happy New Year! I hope it’s amazing!
The hunt in life is better than the kill.
Two things tend to happen when you are chasing your life’s dreams. 1) You are so fixated on the goal that you forget to enjoy or learn from the journey. 2) You hit the goal and think to yourself “now what”?
I grew up in a rural area of Texas and we always had a farm cat. A cat that spent most, if not all, of its life outside. My cat’s name was Poncho and he split his time living both inside and out-mostly because he was huge and did what he wanted. He could also open the door by himself, so there was no stopping this cat. Poncho was glorious! We called him Poncho, because I am left handed and he was my personal pet and responsibility. (Get it? Poncho and Lefty?). I got him for my 11thbirthday and he lived to be 22 and probably could have lived longer had he not gone deaf and mostly blind.
We would watch Poncho chase mice, rats, birds, squirrels, rabbits and whatever else he felt to could get ahold of if he tried. He could kill a scorpion in a matter of seconds and before it came close to stinging him. This cat saved us from impending scorpion doom more times than I could count! When it came to things that could hurt him or us, he was efficient. When it came to catching rodents, he took his time. Poncho enjoyed the hunt and rarely killed the animals he toyed with. Often, the rodents he would hunt would pass out in the process. Poncho would open the door on his own, bring these animals into the house and present them to my mother. A thank you gift for mom! There were a few times where these animals would wake up and we’d spend the afternoon chasing a rat or rabbit around the house. Poncho was hilarious. He enjoyed the hunt, but was fed well enough that he didn't concern himself too much with the kill. He caught them and thought "now what"? His usual answer was “Let’s give this to mom”!
The pursuit of the target should have more impact than hitting it. Goals are just goals, but the steps and process become the origin of the stories you retell. For my cat, he was honing his hunting skills and improving his odds for survival in case he ever had to feed himself or forgot how to open the door to the house.
When you were in high school, and trying to find a way to drink beer on a Friday night, you never retold the story of drinking it. You told the story of the hunt. Not the "capture" of the beer, but the journey of how you obtained it. The whole movie Superbad supports my theory. Watch it. Superbad is life!
The growth and education happens in the pursuit and the finale is just a way to end the story. It gives you punctuation and closure, but doesn't compare to the journey. When we are all making that mad dash to the finish line, #Tryharder to understand that the process needs to happen. You need to experience the journey. You need to learn from the hunt. You hone your skills and talents from the hunt and not the conclusion. The next time life tosses you in a direction where you have to re-set your goals or target, make sure you embrace the personal growth that comes with it.
When I was a kid I would take a cardboard box, decorate it to look like a car, and then have my older brother and sister whip me around a tile or hardwood floor. When you're 5 or 6 years old, you're small enough to fit in a box, and once you get moving and your imagination kicks in, 2mph feels like 50mph.
When that box wasn't a race car, it turned into a fort, a trap for stuffed animals or a table for a lunch of PB&J and chocolate milk or even a place to play Go Fish. The saddest day was at the end of summer break when it was time to retire the torn and banged up box. Then the search for the next box began!
Now, as a parent, I see that same love for cardboard in my son Sean. He has every piece of technology known to man, and has requested more for Christmas this year, but bring a new box into the house and watch his eyes light up and the creative gears in his head start to move. He surveys the box for a few minutes and then grabs his tape, markers and scissors and starts to create. It really is amazing! I always respected the square integrity of the box, whereas Sean has no problem dismantling the entire thing; only to turn it into something I never would have imagined.
A tall box becomes a double door for a pretend office, a 12 pack beer box is turned into a stage for action figures. I made square or rectangle cars and tables, but Sean's imagination doesn't confine him to shapes and instead he looks at these pieces of cardboard as a blank slate or clean pallet. They become whatever he wants them to become and he makes no excuses for his amazing imagination. Even when the project doesn’t reflect his initial goal, he’s quick to change gears and start over with something new.
#Tryharder to think beyond the frame you're given in life. This world is what you make of it and your view is 100% determined by your choices. Every marketing company or related book says "think outside the box", but we often forget to dream about what we could do WITH the box. A true talent sees the box as something they can change, navigate and manipulate. It takes creativity to have the confidence to take something simple and make it amazing. Taking something of structure and making it pliable.
Before you run out and try to think outside of it, because frankly anyone can do that, first look for ways to create a different view and work to make your overall environment better. When you leave the box, you're often quitting and starting over. When you control the box, you are the master and ultimately determine your journey.
Never underestimate the power of an empty box.
When I was a kid, you couldn't pull me off my bike. I would do everything on my bicycle! I'd even take my PBJ outside with me, just to eat it while sitting on my bike. When I wasn't riding my bike, I was saving money to keep it going. Buying patches and new tubes, collecting tires and rims that others would throw out and restoring them in case I needed to use them later. I had so many bike parts, I actually built a second bike. It was a little “Frankensteined” together; back tire was higher than the front, it had a banana seat, but it worked and could do pull some sick jumps. Then I learned to drive a car and I stopped riding bikes.
I used to collect baseball cards and comic books! We would run to the drugstore on Saturday mornings after the newest editions of comics would come out and try to continue our collection in numeral order. It would drive us nuts to have copies of 3, 4 and 6 and not have the missing piece of the collection. We would then have to travel to several stores in order to lock down number 5. When we started missing too many in order, we'd move on to another series. To this day, I don't know the ending of many of my favorite comic book storylines.
We preferred Topps baseball cards, not because of the gum, but because they were better than most. Yet, you could buy 4 packs of Fleer for one dollar, but only 3 packs of Topps. 7-11 stories carried Fleer, so we would try to work in a Slurpee to share from the change mom gave us from her purse. The other card companies came out and they had great looking cards, but they were too expensive for us kids. Then I learned that I would have to pay for college, so I stopped collecting comic books and baseball cards. We promised my mom that one day we would make millions off of them, but we never sold a one. With both my brothers passing, I ended up with all of our collections and they are currently residing in an upstairs closet in my house. Don't know if I will ever sell them now and I guess mom will never see her millions.
I used to play golf. My friend Joe and I made sure that we played at least 9 holes of golf every week and we did this for years. Every Saturday, we'd get up and find a cheap course to play on and then try to knock out 9 holes in an hour. In some ways it was our workout for the day and in other ways it was therapy. Then I had kids. I couldn't dream of leaving my wife and kids at home while I went and played a game on Saturday morning, so golf was replaced by jump castle parties and swim practice.
The things that are important to you today will change tomorrow. Your "line in the sand" moments, your beliefs, your opinions and the things you collect are all subject to change as time and life change and erode the absolutes in your current chapter. You can do the same thing for 20 years and then one day have it taken away or you decide to turn your back and move onto something else. It doesn't make the time you had with it less special, nor does it say you've completely outgrown it. Sometimes life just tells you that it's time for something else to occupy that space. I own a bike so I can ride with my kids, I still own all the cards and comics and my golf clubs are in the garage. Anytime I need to scratch that itch, I can always go back to them. Once it's a part of your life, it will always be there in the form of memories or abilities. You never forget how to ride a bike, but as you get older, the sweet jumps might not be the same and you may not be as daring.
#Tryharder to have the confidence that you will find other loves in life. Think of how many times you have moved on from the passions of your past. From relationships to beanie babies to previous careers, you have moved onto something different and fresh. New interests will always fill the space of old. Only you define you and we should never be confined or pushed into a space because of a phase that occurred at some point in our lives. Don't let others hold you to that space or push you into believing that you are only as unique as you were yesterday.
Life's too short to not fall in love with new things or fill those empty spaces with new passions.
My 9 year old daughter Erin is the best swimmer in the family.
I would know this because I watch her swim every Saturday morning at 8am. I get up, get her ready and take her to swim. Where many parents use Saturday morning as a time to sleep in; I'm up and running before the sun comes up and typing away on my iPhone working on another chapter. Her class is where I do a lot of writing.
For an hour each week she works on her technique, honing her skills one lap at a time. She's fast, strong and focused. Yet, there is one thing she just can’t seem to master…she can't dive.
Erin is probably the least skilled diver in the group. She can swim laps around many of these other kids, but Erin looks like an injured one legged duck when she jumps into the water. The trainers have all worked with her and after each dive, they give each other a look like "is this kid ever gonna learn this"? I try to coach her through the thick glass that divides us. I do sign language and try to demonstrate, with my hands, what she needs to do with her body. I type things on my phone and have her read them since we can't hear each other. No matter what I sign or the trainers tell her, diving just isn't something she is going to master at this point in her life. At least not today.
I shouldn't talk. I can barely swim. Never took a lesson. Never had a great example. I spent most of my formative years, when most kids are learning to swim, wading in creeks and rivers in the hill country of Texas. It's hard to swim when the water goes from two feet to five feet to two feet again all within a ten foot distance. Also, if I went underwater, there was a strong possibility that my brother Michael would try to hold my head down so I couldn’t get up. My kids swim in a controlled environment, whereas I was dodging water snakes and my brother trying to kill me. So my "learning environment" was a bit different than my daughter has experienced. I can stay afloat, doggie paddle and not drown. That's about the extent of my swimming skills. As for diving? I do a pretty mean cannonball. Yet, we are not paying hundreds of dollars a year for me to swim are we?
We all have something that is holding us back from making it to the next grade, promotion or phase in life. We try to sharpen the axe of the weakest skill, but realistically, we can’t be the best at everything. Every award, promotion or commendation that we receive could have some sort of asterisk next to it representing the “but” in our overall abilities. You can excel at one thing within the category of many and that might get you where you need to go, but you will find that you spend a lot of time and energy trying to not let the weakest skill sweep the legs out from under you. What’s your big “but”? (Yes, I did that on purpose).
You don’t have to have all the skills to be the best. Understand that every record is destined to be broken by someone else, so cherish the moment if you are lucky enough to have your name in the record books; even if it is only for a few minutes. Embrace, champion and celebrate the handful of things you do great. #Tryharder to not lose sleep at night worrying about how your big “but” is going to screw you over in the end. (Again, I did that on purpose). My daughter may never be an Olympic diver or even the best swimmer in her class, but we get up every Saturday morning and try our best. In my book, the fact that she’s honestly trying, makes her the best and there’s nothing negative anyone can ever say about that.
I've been moving forward my entire life.
I've kick boxed on and off, for the past 10 years. Nothing gets your heart pumping or relieves stress like beating the hell out of a heavy bag hanging from the ceiling and I try to do this around 3 times a week.
Occasionally, depending on the trainer, they will throw pads on their hands and you get to do your best Rocky impression while following the instructions of what types of punches and combinations to throw. Of all the things involved in the workout, this part is probably my favorite. It's the closest thing I do to actually sparring with someone and nobody hits you back. I have a pretty face and I want to keep it that way. I'm also too old for that crap.
In addition to trying to remember the punch combination or to breathe (it's odd, but sometimes you forget to breathe) I try to work on closing in on the trainer as I am setting up each punch. This past week, my trainer said something to me that stuck in my brain and was very symbolic of the current moment in my life. "Man, you're always moving forward".
I grew up watching Mexican boxers like Roberto Duran and Julio Cesar Chavez. My dad taught me how score boxing matches at a young age and the thing I remember most about those fights is how those fighters always seemed to move forward. It's a testament to their heritage and strength, because most Mexican boxers consistently move forward and towards their opponent. Even when they were getting tagged by punches, they kept moving forward. Kept looking for an opportunity. They kept looking to improve their situation.
Sly Stallone once delivered a speech to his son in the movie Rocky Balboa and it is something that everyone needs to hear at least once in life. I heard it years ago and then again as a set up to a question I was being asked on a podcast I did while doing marketing support for my book #Tryharder.
"The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward".
Truer worlds have never been spoken.
My whole life, I've been moving forward. I lost count of the times this world has brought me to my knees and physically, as well as metaphorically, bloodied my lip. If I kept count, then life wins and I'm not ready to accept defeat. I live a blessed life, but I'd be lying if I said it was easy. We're all fighting something in life and know that I am right there with you.
So I keep moving forward. Personally. Professionally. I #Tryharder to learn from my mistakes and the sucker punches I endure. I move forward and keep breathing as I absorb the beating and sharpen my wits for the next round. You have to...because staying down isn't an option.
Living ain't easy, but it sure beats being dead.
Ring the bell.