Truth be told, I've been scared my whole life.
Scared with school, career, choices, getting married,
becoming a father, etc. You name it; almost every experience in life has come
with a certain amount of fear. Fear of
failing, losing, getting fired; break ups, screwing up the kids, etc. The list
goes on. To say that you are not guilty of any of this is a lie. We are all
scared shitless about something. Fear
comes with life. I can't count the number
of times I've thrown up before doing things or skipped meals and lost sleep
over my nerves.
becoming a father, etc. You name it; almost every experience in life has come
with a certain amount of fear. Fear of
failing, losing, getting fired; break ups, screwing up the kids, etc. The list
goes on. To say that you are not guilty of any of this is a lie. We are all
scared shitless about something. Fear
comes with life. I can't count the number
of times I've thrown up before doing things or skipped meals and lost sleep
over my nerves.
In time, certain experiences or events become less scary.
Either through repetition or growth, you eventually weaken their hold over you
or you manage to grow beyond most of your fears.
Either through repetition or growth, you eventually weaken their hold over you
or you manage to grow beyond most of your fears.
Yet, fear is always there. It never completely goes away
and that's good.
and that's good.
My niece stayed with us for a few weeks this summer. I
really enjoy having her visit! I love
her like she's my own and when I look into her eyes; I see a lot of my
brother. It hurts, but the joy of
getting a glimpse of my brother is worth the pain.
really enjoy having her visit! I love
her like she's my own and when I look into her eyes; I see a lot of my
brother. It hurts, but the joy of
getting a glimpse of my brother is worth the pain.
If you have ever been to a theme park or attraction, then
chances are you have ridden something or have avoided riding something that
scares the heck out of you. As we climbed the stairs towards the top of this
very high ride, you could see the tears well up in her eyes. She was scared. Clinging to the handrail as
she took each step, there were moments when I considered letting her off the
hook. I thought about taking her to do
something else, while my wife and kids finished the climb to the top of the
ride, but that would have been a terrible idea. You need to challenge the
things that scare you. Even fun things.
chances are you have ridden something or have avoided riding something that
scares the heck out of you. As we climbed the stairs towards the top of this
very high ride, you could see the tears well up in her eyes. She was scared. Clinging to the handrail as
she took each step, there were moments when I considered letting her off the
hook. I thought about taking her to do
something else, while my wife and kids finished the climb to the top of the
ride, but that would have been a terrible idea. You need to challenge the
things that scare you. Even fun things.
At the height of her fear, I said "Phoebe, I will
guarantee you that this will be your favorite ride of the day". Less than
4 minutes later, at the end of the ride, her teary eyes were gone and replaced
with the biggest smile you have ever seen.
guarantee you that this will be your favorite ride of the day". Less than
4 minutes later, at the end of the ride, her teary eyes were gone and replaced
with the biggest smile you have ever seen.
She didn't want to ride it, but now she's glad she did.
I'm not necessarily telling you anything you don't
already know. We all know that fear needs to be challenged in order for you to
grow. What I am saying is it's pretty
important to be scared and if you are not scaring yourself on a regular basis,
you're not growing. It's so easy to take the coward’s way out and not take on
new experiences or do things differently. You have to keep a certain amount of
butterflies in your stomach. Your palms
need to be clammy. Your blood pressure
needs to be raised and raised often.
already know. We all know that fear needs to be challenged in order for you to
grow. What I am saying is it's pretty
important to be scared and if you are not scaring yourself on a regular basis,
you're not growing. It's so easy to take the coward’s way out and not take on
new experiences or do things differently. You have to keep a certain amount of
butterflies in your stomach. Your palms
need to be clammy. Your blood pressure
needs to be raised and raised often.
I hate making myself do things I don't want to do. Even
though I often write about change and I often ask people to push themselves, I
don't like change just as much as you don't like change. Like most of you, I
would be perfectly content just grinding out my day with no surprises or roller
coasters. Give me the same 9-5 workday where all I do is rubber stamp
things! But you can't live like that.
It's not healthy. That mundane and
cyclical life will eventually kill you. It will make you lazy, stagnant and
lame. At some point you will snap and go crazy.
though I often write about change and I often ask people to push themselves, I
don't like change just as much as you don't like change. Like most of you, I
would be perfectly content just grinding out my day with no surprises or roller
coasters. Give me the same 9-5 workday where all I do is rubber stamp
things! But you can't live like that.
It's not healthy. That mundane and
cyclical life will eventually kill you. It will make you lazy, stagnant and
lame. At some point you will snap and go crazy.
Bully yourself.
Force yourself into scary situations. Put yourself in
what you perceive to be a "harmful" situation. This doesn't mean you have
to jump out of an airplane or wrestle a bear, but you need to challenge the
unknown. Discover and challenge fear in
everyday life. Apply energy towards tackling simple, yet scary, things. Send
that email. Finally ask her out. Raise your hand when they ask "does
anyone have any questions or comments" during a meeting. Again, I'm not telling you anything you don't
already know, but sometimes you just need to be reminded or bullied into taking
the first step.
what you perceive to be a "harmful" situation. This doesn't mean you have
to jump out of an airplane or wrestle a bear, but you need to challenge the
unknown. Discover and challenge fear in
everyday life. Apply energy towards tackling simple, yet scary, things. Send
that email. Finally ask her out. Raise your hand when they ask "does
anyone have any questions or comments" during a meeting. Again, I'm not telling you anything you don't
already know, but sometimes you just need to be reminded or bullied into taking
the first step.
Do it or I'll pull your underwear over your head.
Hi I'm Chase Patrick Murphy and I take pictures of bad parking jobs.
I not only take these pictures, but I share them with the world via social media. Friends of mine take these pictures too and send them to me. Some people tag me in these photos or post them on my wall. I'm a bad parking picture collecting addict and my friends and acquaintances are enablers.
Ok it's not that bad, but it's pretty close.
I used to have a boss who preferred to play a round of golf with someone before hiring them. He felt that you could tell a lot about a person by the way they conducted themselves on a golf course. I don't necessarily agree with that. I was already working there when he was hired and I don't recall us ever playing golf together. I'm not a great golfer and I have never taken a lesson. I have a converted baseball swing-turned golf swing. I swear loudly, drink and smoke cigars and I don't keep the best score. As a matter if fact, I cheat. Not because I want to win, but because I refuse to count after 8 strokes. I've made some amazing shots on the golf course, but I've also drowned dozens of balls in the drink that I never scored. Yet, despite how much of a hack I am on the course, I've managed to turn out to be a solid and successful manager of radio stations. I have friends. I'm likable and my wife and kids are fans. So what exactly could you learn about me from my backswing or wicked slice?
Not everyone has taken golf lessons, but all of us that drive and park (legally) have taken driving lessons.
Maybe how you park might be a better indication of what kind of person you are or how you conduct yourself in public?
Creative people are encouraged and encourage others to color outside of the lines and to think differently. Parking outside of the lines tells a different story. There are certain aspects of our daily lives that should be coupled with conformity. Poor parking jobs can serve as a glimpse into the lives of others. Your ability to keep it between the lines shows your concern for doing the right thing. It shows you care about your fellow parking lot neighbors and that the world doesn't revolve around you. Yes, you are a member of the conformist tribe, but it's for all the right reasons. Parking, no matter how well you do it, isn't a form of art.
Those who park like jerks aren't creative artists. They are jerks.
A slight crossing of the line with a bit of your tire going over the barriers shows that you are willing to go far enough to get it kind of close. Some just stop right there and assume that this effort was good enough. It will suffice. It shows you care a little. Backing out and trying it again shows you are willing to take the extra time to make it right. It shows you give a shit. Chances are, if you are a person that re-parks, you care about others. Yet, taking 3 stabs at it shows you either A) can't park at all B) you are a little on the OCD side.
My taking pictures of bad parking jobs goes beyond sizing people up. People that know me cringe when they park poorly. Many believe that they will be the latest victim of my Facebook #Tryharder jeering. They worry about it, even if I am nowhere near them. They will even go as far as to tell me that I made them park again. Even when we are miles and sometimes states apart. This means I have effectively planted the seed of change.
Altering behavior in people and getting them to think and act a certain way is an amazing thing. I'm not talking about Jedi mind control stuff. I'm talking about planting the seed of behavior modification and getting others to think about how their actions affect others. To care, just a little, about the other guy. Taking up two spots at a busy steakhouse on a Saturday night,causing others to change their dinner plans and go somewhere else, is a d-bag thing to do. We've all experienced the receiving end of this event; as we are forced to go to our backup dinner destination. Taking the time to park correctly is the same as, and as meaningful as, holding the door of an elevator for someone who is making a dash to get on.
In short, my little hobby of taking pictures of bad parking jobs has started a small wave of kindness. It could be considered a "pay it forward" moment. Just as anonymous as buying coffee for a stranger, but maybe not as rewarding as the gratification that comes along with the gesture that accompanies a purchase of some kind.
If you have been affected by my picture postings, whether you are altered by the moment I caught you or the fear of me catching you, know that I am in your head. This started out as something I just did and I didn't plant this seed on purpose, but I am humbled by the potential fruit it bears.
Oh yeah, and stop parking like a dick.
When you are a kid you are proud of your scars. You show
off your scabs like badges of honor and accomplishment. You've done something that hurt you and
eventually made you more interesting, stronger or better.
off your scabs like badges of honor and accomplishment. You've done something that hurt you and
eventually made you more interesting, stronger or better.
You jumped a ramp, landed wrong and busted your lip, knee
or elbow. Or maybe all three? Awesome!
If you have lived your whole life without getting a scar, you were one lame ass
kid for sure. Your parents or people in your life didn't push you hard enough.
You never succumbed to peer pressure. You never accepted a dare or ever got
into a fight. Traditionally, as you get
older, your mental scars seem to take over the storyline and your physical
scars are often forgotten.
or elbow. Or maybe all three? Awesome!
If you have lived your whole life without getting a scar, you were one lame ass
kid for sure. Your parents or people in your life didn't push you hard enough.
You never succumbed to peer pressure. You never accepted a dare or ever got
into a fight. Traditionally, as you get
older, your mental scars seem to take over the storyline and your physical
scars are often forgotten.
Scars can be pretty awesome. They teach you things and
act as reminders of the past. They are
like road maps of your adolescence and growth. Tattoos are nothing like scars
and should never be compared to them. Tattoos are decisions you made to alter
your once perfect skin. Scars are the unpredictable
result of decisions or circumstances and represent something you earned. You
earn things in your life through accomplishments or abilities. You pay for a
tattoo.
act as reminders of the past. They are
like road maps of your adolescence and growth. Tattoos are nothing like scars
and should never be compared to them. Tattoos are decisions you made to alter
your once perfect skin. Scars are the unpredictable
result of decisions or circumstances and represent something you earned. You
earn things in your life through accomplishments or abilities. You pay for a
tattoo.
My daughter is fascinated by my scars and always asks for
me to retell the stories of how I got them. She runs her fingers across the
lines or bumps and tries to imagine what happened to cause them. Let's start at
the top and work our way down on the scarring of my body.
me to retell the stories of how I got them. She runs her fingers across the
lines or bumps and tries to imagine what happened to cause them. Let's start at
the top and work our way down on the scarring of my body.
Top of my head, towards the back:
I wrote about this incident in Pull The Trigger. It's the
chapter called "Get Up". While helping a family friend build an
electronic gate, we were moving materials from one location to the other via a
flatbed trailer. A trailer we forget to
securely latch to the truck. At about 35mph, I, along with my dad and cousin,
were forces to jump from the moving and unhitched trailer. I landed on my feet
and then immediately on my head. That's
the only scar I have that came with stitches. Due to its location, it's the one
nobody, besides the lady that cuts my hair, can see. It’s also one of the reasons I hope to never
to bald. I'm not exactly tall and
balding would make it pretty visible to the world. I'm not ashamed of it; I'd
just rather not be bald.
chapter called "Get Up". While helping a family friend build an
electronic gate, we were moving materials from one location to the other via a
flatbed trailer. A trailer we forget to
securely latch to the truck. At about 35mph, I, along with my dad and cousin,
were forces to jump from the moving and unhitched trailer. I landed on my feet
and then immediately on my head. That's
the only scar I have that came with stitches. Due to its location, it's the one
nobody, besides the lady that cuts my hair, can see. It’s also one of the reasons I hope to never
to bald. I'm not exactly tall and
balding would make it pretty visible to the world. I'm not ashamed of it; I'd
just rather not be bald.
Below my lower lip, but above my chin:
You can blame my dad and brother Michael for this
one. Mostly Michael. A few hours before
attending the annual hayride in Henly Texas, the three of us were wrestling in
the living room. My brother Michael fell on me and that caused my two front
teeth to go through the skin below my lower lip. Had this happened later in
life, perhaps I could have just put a piercing there and used it as an example
as to how "emo" or "alternative" I was willing to be, but
since I was 12 and got along with my parents, it resulted in just being a
scar. The worst part of the whole thing
was that night; it was pretty much a lock that I was going to make out with a
neighbor girl. The bloody gauze and swelling prevented that from happening. I
had to settle for a night of hand holding and funny looks. Weeks later we broke up, so I never got to go
to first base with her. To this day, I have yet to make out with anyone during
a hayride. Guess that one stays on the bucket list?
one. Mostly Michael. A few hours before
attending the annual hayride in Henly Texas, the three of us were wrestling in
the living room. My brother Michael fell on me and that caused my two front
teeth to go through the skin below my lower lip. Had this happened later in
life, perhaps I could have just put a piercing there and used it as an example
as to how "emo" or "alternative" I was willing to be, but
since I was 12 and got along with my parents, it resulted in just being a
scar. The worst part of the whole thing
was that night; it was pretty much a lock that I was going to make out with a
neighbor girl. The bloody gauze and swelling prevented that from happening. I
had to settle for a night of hand holding and funny looks. Weeks later we broke up, so I never got to go
to first base with her. To this day, I have yet to make out with anyone during
a hayride. Guess that one stays on the bucket list?
Right forearm:
My sister Kim is probably one of the meanest sisters to
ever walk this earth. She was the oldest
and because of that, she was always the smartest. She's a girl and their brains work
differently than most boys. They are willing to go to the next level of
ruthless behavior. Tween and teenage boys, at least when we were growing up,
just weren't programmed to operate on that level of sinister. Kim used to play
this game called "cat toss"' where she would throw a cat on you while
you were relaxing or sleeping on the couch. To this day, I have a 3 inch scar
(the longest and most visible scar on my body) because I made the mistake of
falling asleep on the couch. I have had this scar longer than any other. Kim is
still meanest and toughest member of the Murphy family, but scar in all; I love
the hell out of her.
ever walk this earth. She was the oldest
and because of that, she was always the smartest. She's a girl and their brains work
differently than most boys. They are willing to go to the next level of
ruthless behavior. Tween and teenage boys, at least when we were growing up,
just weren't programmed to operate on that level of sinister. Kim used to play
this game called "cat toss"' where she would throw a cat on you while
you were relaxing or sleeping on the couch. To this day, I have a 3 inch scar
(the longest and most visible scar on my body) because I made the mistake of
falling asleep on the couch. I have had this scar longer than any other. Kim is
still meanest and toughest member of the Murphy family, but scar in all; I love
the hell out of her.
Right elbow:
Located inches away from the above forearm scar. Another cat related scar. People wonder why I prefer dogs? My wife Christal and I packed up everything
of value and loaded it into my white Ford ranger. The state of South Carolina,
particularly Charleston, was forced to evacuate due to Hurricane Floyd and we
chose to drive to Alabama to visit a friend of mine. Might as well make something positive out of
this traumatic experience right? As we were parked on the interstate, around
3am, our cat Smitty had enough of being in the car carrier and lashed out
towards my arm and cut me across the elbow. The devastating hurricane is coming
and I'm stuck in deadlock traffic dripping blood from my elbow. Thank God for fast food napkins.
of value and loaded it into my white Ford ranger. The state of South Carolina,
particularly Charleston, was forced to evacuate due to Hurricane Floyd and we
chose to drive to Alabama to visit a friend of mine. Might as well make something positive out of
this traumatic experience right? As we were parked on the interstate, around
3am, our cat Smitty had enough of being in the car carrier and lashed out
towards my arm and cut me across the elbow. The devastating hurricane is coming
and I'm stuck in deadlock traffic dripping blood from my elbow. Thank God for fast food napkins.
Right hand, pinky finger:
Cat scars come in threes?
My wife Christal and I were moving from Massachusetts to California and
it was day three of the marathon drive. We learned our lesson from the above
trip, so we let the cat roam the cabin this time. I was in the passenger seat
and somewhere near Elko Nevada (total dump by the way) it started to rain.
Smitty decided she hated the windshield wipers and ran 90mph from the
floorboard to over my shoulder. Somewhere during that trip, her back legs
sliced open my pinky finger and I began to bleed like a stuck pig. Nothing like
starting a new job, where everyone wants to shake your hand, with your whole
finger covered in bandages.
My wife Christal and I were moving from Massachusetts to California and
it was day three of the marathon drive. We learned our lesson from the above
trip, so we let the cat roam the cabin this time. I was in the passenger seat
and somewhere near Elko Nevada (total dump by the way) it started to rain.
Smitty decided she hated the windshield wipers and ran 90mph from the
floorboard to over my shoulder. Somewhere during that trip, her back legs
sliced open my pinky finger and I began to bleed like a stuck pig. Nothing like
starting a new job, where everyone wants to shake your hand, with your whole
finger covered in bandages.
Left hand. Ring
finger:
finger:
I don't like to use public bathrooms. Taking a leak is ok; it's the other thing I
try hard to avoid. Not phobic about it,
I just avoid it if I can. Yet, when
nature calls, you gotta go. I was sitting in a bathroom stall in Worcester, Ma
and as I reached for the toilet paper to finish up my business, I cut my ring
finger on the edge of the metal box that houses the paper. In hindsight, the velocity in which I went to
tear the paper probably wasn't the best idea.
It cut me deep and across the inside of my entire ring finger going
right to left. Wiping your ass, while
dripping enough blood to create a CSI crime scene is never ideal. All the time, trying to keep it off your
khaki pants. This story also helps to
remind me of when I got my last tetanus shot.
try hard to avoid. Not phobic about it,
I just avoid it if I can. Yet, when
nature calls, you gotta go. I was sitting in a bathroom stall in Worcester, Ma
and as I reached for the toilet paper to finish up my business, I cut my ring
finger on the edge of the metal box that houses the paper. In hindsight, the velocity in which I went to
tear the paper probably wasn't the best idea.
It cut me deep and across the inside of my entire ring finger going
right to left. Wiping your ass, while
dripping enough blood to create a CSI crime scene is never ideal. All the time, trying to keep it off your
khaki pants. This story also helps to
remind me of when I got my last tetanus shot.
Right knee.
Perfect size 9 1/2 shoe:
Perfect size 9 1/2 shoe:
In my junior year in high school a kid, from an opposing
team, slid into my leg. I flipped end
over end and began to bleed all down my leg and into my sock. To this day, you
can still see the perfect pattern that the metal cleats left in the side of my
leg around my knee. That's why left handed people shouldn't play second
base. Especially when you have a 3rd
baseman that couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. If you understand how that
works, you could probably recreate the scene in your head.
team, slid into my leg. I flipped end
over end and began to bleed all down my leg and into my sock. To this day, you
can still see the perfect pattern that the metal cleats left in the side of my
leg around my knee. That's why left handed people shouldn't play second
base. Especially when you have a 3rd
baseman that couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. If you understand how that
works, you could probably recreate the scene in your head.
Scars are great reminders. Like smells and songs, they
are great memory triggers. They can also remind you why you shouldn't be doing
certain things and can often act as visual warnings to others considering doing
that same stupid act. As you can see,
none of my scars are all that scandalous and because of that, they come with no
shame or regret.
are great memory triggers. They can also remind you why you shouldn't be doing
certain things and can often act as visual warnings to others considering doing
that same stupid act. As you can see,
none of my scars are all that scandalous and because of that, they come with no
shame or regret.
Mental scars are different. Those often do come with
shame and deeper consequences than just a few blemished areas on your
body. They are also easier to hide and
keep from the world. Sadly, with mental scars, you're not always aware of where
they came from or how they have altered you. They don't teach you or tell the
same kind of story physical scars can potentially share. Allow your physical scars to teach others and
pass along great stories and lessons. Be aware of the emotional and mental
ones, and don't allow yourself to negatively affect those you influence. Like
physical scars, just because you have one, doesn't mean others have to be
altered or affected as well. Pass along the knowledge, not the burden.
shame and deeper consequences than just a few blemished areas on your
body. They are also easier to hide and
keep from the world. Sadly, with mental scars, you're not always aware of where
they came from or how they have altered you. They don't teach you or tell the
same kind of story physical scars can potentially share. Allow your physical scars to teach others and
pass along great stories and lessons. Be aware of the emotional and mental
ones, and don't allow yourself to negatively affect those you influence. Like
physical scars, just because you have one, doesn't mean others have to be
altered or affected as well. Pass along the knowledge, not the burden.
I have the ability to make deep and meaningful
connections with people within hours, sometimes minutes after meeting
them. If this would be considered a
talent, then I guess I have this talent?
I don't know how it all started or what I do differently than others,
but some of my deepest relationships are with people that I have only logged a
few hours hanging out with in person.
Some people can do other amazing things; I just know how to talk to
people.
connections with people within hours, sometimes minutes after meeting
them. If this would be considered a
talent, then I guess I have this talent?
I don't know how it all started or what I do differently than others,
but some of my deepest relationships are with people that I have only logged a
few hours hanging out with in person.
Some people can do other amazing things; I just know how to talk to
people.
My friends in college used to say that I could get
someone to tell me everything about themselves within 5 minutes after meeting
them. They would watch, as I systematically broke down the walls around a
person and got them to a level of vulnerability that allowed us to communicate
on a more personal and deeper level. I'm
not going to lie; it certainly helped when I was dating. The ability to get a girl's phone number
before her friends returned from the bathroom was often important; as women
have a tendency to travel in packs and would often shield your attempts to get
to certain members of that pack. I assure you, it didn't work all the time, but
I would wager that my technique worked better than most. This also helped when you were the designated
wingman and needed to help your friends cut to the chase in the
conversation. Hurry! Her friends will be back any minute
now!!! I've been married for almost 15
years, so I know it worked at least once!
someone to tell me everything about themselves within 5 minutes after meeting
them. They would watch, as I systematically broke down the walls around a
person and got them to a level of vulnerability that allowed us to communicate
on a more personal and deeper level. I'm
not going to lie; it certainly helped when I was dating. The ability to get a girl's phone number
before her friends returned from the bathroom was often important; as women
have a tendency to travel in packs and would often shield your attempts to get
to certain members of that pack. I assure you, it didn't work all the time, but
I would wager that my technique worked better than most. This also helped when you were the designated
wingman and needed to help your friends cut to the chase in the
conversation. Hurry! Her friends will be back any minute
now!!! I've been married for almost 15
years, so I know it worked at least once!
It all starts with you being real. Opening up your "door" or removing
the walls around your personality and letting people see what you have to offer
in a relationship. Letting them see the depth you are willing to go to
communicate on a level below the surface of ice breaker questions and ego. I'm not suggesting that you wear your heart
on your sleeve or immediately go to an uncomfortable place in the conversation
just to show the other person your willingness to share, but rather reveal
glimpses that there is more to you than what's on the surface. You also cannot
force things into the conversation. Just
the opposite actually. By drawing more from the other person, this will allow
you to share more of yourself without shoehorning your interest into the
conversation.
the walls around your personality and letting people see what you have to offer
in a relationship. Letting them see the depth you are willing to go to
communicate on a level below the surface of ice breaker questions and ego. I'm not suggesting that you wear your heart
on your sleeve or immediately go to an uncomfortable place in the conversation
just to show the other person your willingness to share, but rather reveal
glimpses that there is more to you than what's on the surface. You also cannot
force things into the conversation. Just
the opposite actually. By drawing more from the other person, this will allow
you to share more of yourself without shoehorning your interest into the
conversation.
You can't just blurt out "I collect stamps and my
mom still does my laundry". You gotta find a way to weave that into the
conversation naturally and not opportunistically force that information into
the discussion. Also, you might want to
pick something else to share. Something that would give the impression that you
are NOT the next Unabomber.
mom still does my laundry". You gotta find a way to weave that into the
conversation naturally and not opportunistically force that information into
the discussion. Also, you might want to
pick something else to share. Something that would give the impression that you
are NOT the next Unabomber.
Asking real questions and being genuinely interested in
the things that the other person is sharing certainly helps. I have never asked
anyone a list of stock questions that I have memorized over the years. Even when interviewing celebrities for my
radio show, no two interviews have ever been alike.
the things that the other person is sharing certainly helps. I have never asked
anyone a list of stock questions that I have memorized over the years. Even when interviewing celebrities for my
radio show, no two interviews have ever been alike.
You have to be engaging. You have to go into every
conversation seeking knowledge. Not just about the person, but about life and
the things that make others tick. A healthy curiosity is one thing, but to have
a real and vested interest in people and what turns them on or motivates them
is important. For example, I haven't ridden a bike since I was a kid and have
no real personal interest in picking it back up, but I remember having
conversation with a man at a cocktail party about his passion for cycling. We
spoke for over an hour and it was one of the most educational impromptu
conversations I have ever had about any subject. He was so passionate about it and just shared
how much it meant to him. I still have limited interest in the hobby myself,
but I can now confidently share my gained knowledge on the topic in any future
conversation that I might have about cycling. Just because it's not for you,
doesn't mean it's a waste of time learning about it.
conversation seeking knowledge. Not just about the person, but about life and
the things that make others tick. A healthy curiosity is one thing, but to have
a real and vested interest in people and what turns them on or motivates them
is important. For example, I haven't ridden a bike since I was a kid and have
no real personal interest in picking it back up, but I remember having
conversation with a man at a cocktail party about his passion for cycling. We
spoke for over an hour and it was one of the most educational impromptu
conversations I have ever had about any subject. He was so passionate about it and just shared
how much it meant to him. I still have limited interest in the hobby myself,
but I can now confidently share my gained knowledge on the topic in any future
conversation that I might have about cycling. Just because it's not for you,
doesn't mean it's a waste of time learning about it.
You can't come on too strong or go into these
conversations with a desperate need to connect with others. You can however take the information gained
from these conversations and use it to connect with others in the future. You
are adding to your overall "worldliness" and strengthening your
ability to communicate and forge stronger and deeper relationships. The more you are interested in other people
and the things that motivate them, the more you will learn about yourself. The more you learn about yourself, the easier
it will be to communicate on a deeper level with others.
conversations with a desperate need to connect with others. You can however take the information gained
from these conversations and use it to connect with others in the future. You
are adding to your overall "worldliness" and strengthening your
ability to communicate and forge stronger and deeper relationships. The more you are interested in other people
and the things that motivate them, the more you will learn about yourself. The more you learn about yourself, the easier
it will be to communicate on a deeper level with others.
Pick up a copy of the book here:
http://www.amazon.com/Pull-Trigger-Career-being-D-Bag/dp/1495466035/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400269074&sr=1-1&keywords=pull+the+trigger
When I was a kid, I wanted to be the best.
That’s what kids want.
Not just to participate in things, but to be the best. Not just the best at one thing, but the best
at everything. You want to be recognized
for being the best. Win things because
you are the best. My brothers and I
would always compete to see who could throw the football the best, hit the
baseball the farthest and run the fastest.
We competed to be the best and when we realized who was the best at
something, then that kid was labeled as the best and would carry that title
forever.
Not just to participate in things, but to be the best. Not just the best at one thing, but the best
at everything. You want to be recognized
for being the best. Win things because
you are the best. My brothers and I
would always compete to see who could throw the football the best, hit the
baseball the farthest and run the fastest.
We competed to be the best and when we realized who was the best at
something, then that kid was labeled as the best and would carry that title
forever.
“He’s the best
football thrower”.
football thrower”.
You needed to convey that information to the group. That way the other kids would know that he should
be playing QB. If you had an uneven
amount of kids, then the best “thrower” would be expected to play “all time
QB”. I never got to play all time QB
when we were kids because I was the best at tackling.
be playing QB. If you had an uneven
amount of kids, then the best “thrower” would be expected to play “all time
QB”. I never got to play all time QB
when we were kids because I was the best at tackling.
“He’s the best at
running”.
running”.
When other kids challenge your group of friends or family to
a race, you had to designate which kid was going to take on the
challenger. Obviously, all challenges
were met by the kid that was best at running.
a race, you had to designate which kid was going to take on the
challenger. Obviously, all challenges
were met by the kid that was best at running.
You wanted to be the best.
The best gave you respect and bragging rights. The best could be inserted into every
sentence or phrase and make complete sense.
To walk around trying to be the best at everything as an adult is not
only impossible, but a little pretentious don’t you think?
The best gave you respect and bragging rights. The best could be inserted into every
sentence or phrase and make complete sense.
To walk around trying to be the best at everything as an adult is not
only impossible, but a little pretentious don’t you think?
What’s your word?
If you could pick a word that you wanted others to use when
describing you, what would it be? Just
one word. Not a phrase or a list of
adjectives, but one word. You need a
word that would easily define who you are or why you would be appealing to
others who have never met you. Others
cannot give you this word. You have to
be this word, commit to this word and give off the overall vibe of this
word. If you live your life with the
focus of living up to this one word, the word will easily attach itself to you. Not like a nickname, those are given to you
and usually not for the positive things you have done in life.
describing you, what would it be? Just
one word. Not a phrase or a list of
adjectives, but one word. You need a
word that would easily define who you are or why you would be appealing to
others who have never met you. Others
cannot give you this word. You have to
be this word, commit to this word and give off the overall vibe of this
word. If you live your life with the
focus of living up to this one word, the word will easily attach itself to you. Not like a nickname, those are given to you
and usually not for the positive things you have done in life.
My word is GREAT.
I thought about being good, but that’s not enough. Anyone could be good. Terrific is a solid choice too, but I think
great trumps terrific. At least in my
definition of the words. I want to be a
great father. A great husband. A great son and brother. A great friend that anyone would love to
have. I want to be great at life. I want to be greater than the person I was
yesterday.
great trumps terrific. At least in my
definition of the words. I want to be a
great father. A great husband. A great son and brother. A great friend that anyone would love to
have. I want to be great at life. I want to be greater than the person I was
yesterday.
When writing out your goals and visualizing what you want to
be in life you should add your one word to the list. Put it on a sticky note and place it in front
of you at your desk. Leave reminders to
yourself wherever it makes sense and filter your actions in life through your
one word. Like goals, writing it down
helps to make it real. Some people do
this with religion and that’s perfectly fine, but beyond your beliefs, I think
you still need that one defining word.
If you hold yourself to the standard of the meaning of that word, others
will contagiously share that word when describing you.
be in life you should add your one word to the list. Put it on a sticky note and place it in front
of you at your desk. Leave reminders to
yourself wherever it makes sense and filter your actions in life through your
one word. Like goals, writing it down
helps to make it real. Some people do
this with religion and that’s perfectly fine, but beyond your beliefs, I think
you still need that one defining word.
If you hold yourself to the standard of the meaning of that word, others
will contagiously share that word when describing you.
What can be bad about that?
Unless your word is asshole…then I would suggest a different word.
Unless your word is asshole…then I would suggest a different word.
Your children cannot live in bubble wrap.
They will suffocate and die.
It’s a fact, look it up.
It’s a fact, look it up.
When raising kids, you want to do your best to set them on a
healthy course for success and growth.
You want their accomplishments to eclipse anything you have ever done in
life and above all, you don’t want to screw them up. Need an example? Google “keeping your daughter off the
pole”. That should help!
healthy course for success and growth.
You want their accomplishments to eclipse anything you have ever done in
life and above all, you don’t want to screw them up. Need an example? Google “keeping your daughter off the
pole”. That should help!
Your shortcomings or the obstacles you faced in your life
should not get in the way of properly raising your kids. Just because you spent every day of grade
school getting a wedgie, swirly, or stuffed in a locker, doesn’t mean they will
suffer the same fate. You are going to
want to overcompensate for your emotional, and sometimes physical, scars and do
your damndest to ensure that your children don’t experience that same
fate. Yet, at the end of the day, it’s
either going to happen or it’s not. No
amount of road blocking or bubble wrap will prevent the inevitable.
should not get in the way of properly raising your kids. Just because you spent every day of grade
school getting a wedgie, swirly, or stuffed in a locker, doesn’t mean they will
suffer the same fate. You are going to
want to overcompensate for your emotional, and sometimes physical, scars and do
your damndest to ensure that your children don’t experience that same
fate. Yet, at the end of the day, it’s
either going to happen or it’s not. No
amount of road blocking or bubble wrap will prevent the inevitable.
Feeling powerless yet?
Have I pissed you off yet? Keep
reading.
Have I pissed you off yet? Keep
reading.
You put them in private schools to prevent them from getting
bullied. Bullies don’t exist in private
school, so they should be “safe” right?
Whatever. We all know that rich
kids aren’t bullies and it sure is a good thing that bullies don’t exist in
life outside of school! You keep them
away from little league, so they don’t know what it feels like to experience
letdowns or losses in life. Yeah, that’s
healthy? God forbid a baseball hit them
or they skin a knee and they are left with a scar on their once perfect
skin. We all know that scars don’t make
for great stories or serve as badges of honor.
Scars are bad! No kid EVER brags
about scars. Nope. Never.
bullied. Bullies don’t exist in private
school, so they should be “safe” right?
Whatever. We all know that rich
kids aren’t bullies and it sure is a good thing that bullies don’t exist in
life outside of school! You keep them
away from little league, so they don’t know what it feels like to experience
letdowns or losses in life. Yeah, that’s
healthy? God forbid a baseball hit them
or they skin a knee and they are left with a scar on their once perfect
skin. We all know that scars don’t make
for great stories or serve as badges of honor.
Scars are bad! No kid EVER brags
about scars. Nope. Never.
Kids are meant to be loved.
By loving them, you need to expose them to some of the bad in this
world. Certainly not all at once, but
it’s necessary that they consume and experience some bad stuff. If they don’t, they won’t know how to
navigate through the tough times and bumps along the way. You owe it to them. If you shield your children from all of your
personal baggage, they may be forced to repeat the same things you did. They will potentially have a worse experience
than yours and you may have to come to grips with the fact that you, because
you sucked at dealing with it when you were experiencing it, are the worst
judge of what to do and how to react during these events. That might sting a little, but you know it’s
true.
By loving them, you need to expose them to some of the bad in this
world. Certainly not all at once, but
it’s necessary that they consume and experience some bad stuff. If they don’t, they won’t know how to
navigate through the tough times and bumps along the way. You owe it to them. If you shield your children from all of your
personal baggage, they may be forced to repeat the same things you did. They will potentially have a worse experience
than yours and you may have to come to grips with the fact that you, because
you sucked at dealing with it when you were experiencing it, are the worst
judge of what to do and how to react during these events. That might sting a little, but you know it’s
true.
Your baggage doesn’t have to become their baggage.
In all honesty, I probably grew up too fast. I have accepted and come to terms with
this. You know the song “Name” from The
Goo Goo Dolls? The line “You grew up way
too fast, now there’s nothing to believe” resonates with me. Having a younger brother die when I was 11
and being exposed to death and the gravity of mortality at an early age will
force you to come to terms with life lessons faster than most. I do feel that this event in my life changed
me for the worse and for the good.
Obviously, I do not want my kids to experience the loss of a sibling, so
that they have to come to grips with mortality prematurely like I did, but
there is nothing I can do to prevent it if something terrible like that were to
happen.
this. You know the song “Name” from The
Goo Goo Dolls? The line “You grew up way
too fast, now there’s nothing to believe” resonates with me. Having a younger brother die when I was 11
and being exposed to death and the gravity of mortality at an early age will
force you to come to terms with life lessons faster than most. I do feel that this event in my life changed
me for the worse and for the good.
Obviously, I do not want my kids to experience the loss of a sibling, so
that they have to come to grips with mortality prematurely like I did, but
there is nothing I can do to prevent it if something terrible like that were to
happen.
You can’t keep your children in bubble wrap.
On my birthday weekend, on our way back home from lunch, we
stopped by the cemetery where both of my brothers are buried. If you recall, we lost my older brother
Michael last year. My wife and kids had
not been to the gravesite since they placed the headstone for Michael’s
grave. Erin, my 7 year old, started to
cry and, out of nowhere, began to pray for both of them. I think she had a moment where she fully
realized that both of daddy’s brothers were dead. I was initially taken back by the moment and
her sensitivity to my, for lack of a better word, “struggle” in life. To put that information together and understand
the gravity of the moment as an adult is one thing. To do it at the age of 7 is quite eye
opening.
stopped by the cemetery where both of my brothers are buried. If you recall, we lost my older brother
Michael last year. My wife and kids had
not been to the gravesite since they placed the headstone for Michael’s
grave. Erin, my 7 year old, started to
cry and, out of nowhere, began to pray for both of them. I think she had a moment where she fully
realized that both of daddy’s brothers were dead. I was initially taken back by the moment and
her sensitivity to my, for lack of a better word, “struggle” in life. To put that information together and understand
the gravity of the moment as an adult is one thing. To do it at the age of 7 is quite eye
opening.
If you have ever met Erin, you would agree that she carries
herself like a 12 year old. She is very
emotionally mature and intelligent for her age.
I have always said that she looks like her momma, but thinks like
me. I have never once forced her into
experiences or needlessly shielded her from the world that comes with being
7. As mature as she is, I do not want to
warp her innocence or thrust her into certain life lessons too soon. Yet, it’s going to happen. Kids are more perceptive than you know and
they process information quicker than we expect…unless it comes to chores-then
maybe not so much. It would have done her no justice in life had I told her
that I didn’t have any brothers growing up or dodge telling stories about the
tough parts of my childhood. Shielding
for the sake of shielding will cause more damage than telling the truth. It was a challenge for me, but my wife and I
handled the questions that followed and the overall situation as best we
could. Perhaps, at another time, I will
share with you what was said. That is
for another time and another blog perhaps.
herself like a 12 year old. She is very
emotionally mature and intelligent for her age.
I have always said that she looks like her momma, but thinks like
me. I have never once forced her into
experiences or needlessly shielded her from the world that comes with being
7. As mature as she is, I do not want to
warp her innocence or thrust her into certain life lessons too soon. Yet, it’s going to happen. Kids are more perceptive than you know and
they process information quicker than we expect…unless it comes to chores-then
maybe not so much. It would have done her no justice in life had I told her
that I didn’t have any brothers growing up or dodge telling stories about the
tough parts of my childhood. Shielding
for the sake of shielding will cause more damage than telling the truth. It was a challenge for me, but my wife and I
handled the questions that followed and the overall situation as best we
could. Perhaps, at another time, I will
share with you what was said. That is
for another time and another blog perhaps.
You can’t raise a wimpy kid.
You have to let them experience things.
You can’t deny them good or bad experiences because you handled them
poorly when you were their age. You
cannot hold them responsible and accountable for your shortcomings in life and
assume that they too will have negative results. You have to allow your children that “at bat”
and see if they are the ones who can break the cycle or see the angles you
didn’t. Your terrible experience with
that issue doesn’t mean that you have to shield them from that same type of
event or moment. Instead, use your experience
to catch them if they fall. Give them
the confidence that they will survive and move on from that moment and handle
it better than you did.
You have to let them experience things.
You can’t deny them good or bad experiences because you handled them
poorly when you were their age. You
cannot hold them responsible and accountable for your shortcomings in life and
assume that they too will have negative results. You have to allow your children that “at bat”
and see if they are the ones who can break the cycle or see the angles you
didn’t. Your terrible experience with
that issue doesn’t mean that you have to shield them from that same type of
event or moment. Instead, use your experience
to catch them if they fall. Give them
the confidence that they will survive and move on from that moment and handle
it better than you did.
Save the bubble wrap.
The other day my best friend and I were having lunch
together and in the middle of the meal I said to him “I just want you to know
how proud I am of you and all that you have been able to accomplish”. Strange and unexpected statement to be made
while we were stuffing out faces with as much unhealthy BBQ as we could eat in
the 30 minutes we allow ourselves for lunch, right? I continued to praise him and used examples
of the past year to validate why I felt inclined to make the previous
statement.
together and in the middle of the meal I said to him “I just want you to know
how proud I am of you and all that you have been able to accomplish”. Strange and unexpected statement to be made
while we were stuffing out faces with as much unhealthy BBQ as we could eat in
the 30 minutes we allow ourselves for lunch, right? I continued to praise him and used examples
of the past year to validate why I felt inclined to make the previous
statement.
I think everyone, no matter the level of success, needs to
hear that. Not lip service, but
legitimate and heartfelt praise is important in our lives and sometimes someone
else has to say it in order for you to realize it or stop for a moment and
embrace it. For many, myself included,
it’s often embarrassing to hear.
hear that. Not lip service, but
legitimate and heartfelt praise is important in our lives and sometimes someone
else has to say it in order for you to realize it or stop for a moment and
embrace it. For many, myself included,
it’s often embarrassing to hear.
I live a blessed life.
I really do. I have an awesome
family and some really terrific people in my life. The money is good and I do what I love for a
living, with still enough free time to do the other stuff that I love. I know that’s not everyone’s story, but don’t
think for a moment, that if I had less, I’d be any less happy. I’m very happy. Happiness is what you make of it in this
world and only you control your level of content. There is, however, a certain level of doubt
and cynicism with all of us.
I really do. I have an awesome
family and some really terrific people in my life. The money is good and I do what I love for a
living, with still enough free time to do the other stuff that I love. I know that’s not everyone’s story, but don’t
think for a moment, that if I had less, I’d be any less happy. I’m very happy. Happiness is what you make of it in this
world and only you control your level of content. There is, however, a certain level of doubt
and cynicism with all of us.
I think it’s safe to say that we all wait for the other shoe
to drop? Things are going great and life
is sunny, but there is a cloud looming in the distance, ready to derail and
flood your happiness with tragedy, negativity and doubt.
to drop? Things are going great and life
is sunny, but there is a cloud looming in the distance, ready to derail and
flood your happiness with tragedy, negativity and doubt.
Fuck that cloud.
That being said, I honestly don’t think it is humanly
possible to live every day like it’s your last day on earth. Only old retired people have time to smell
all the roses. Also, a word of advice,
never ask old people about the weather or how they are feeling. Remember, they have all the time in the world
to tell you and they will draw it out and repeat details. You can’t go skydiving or Rocky Mountain
climbing or anything else suggested to you in a Tim McGraw song. It just realistically doesn’t work like that.
possible to live every day like it’s your last day on earth. Only old retired people have time to smell
all the roses. Also, a word of advice,
never ask old people about the weather or how they are feeling. Remember, they have all the time in the world
to tell you and they will draw it out and repeat details. You can’t go skydiving or Rocky Mountain
climbing or anything else suggested to you in a Tim McGraw song. It just realistically doesn’t work like that.
I consider myself an optimistic realist. I cherish the moments and the life that I
have. I try to take in every experience
that presents itself and I don’t try to cram in a bunch of crap into my life in
an effort to check something off a bucket list before the plane I am on crashes
into the mountains. For the record, I am
writing this on a plane headed to Atlanta, so that technically could happen.
Then again, according to my 3rd grade geography class, I don’t
recall any mountains in the path of this flight.
have. I try to take in every experience
that presents itself and I don’t try to cram in a bunch of crap into my life in
an effort to check something off a bucket list before the plane I am on crashes
into the mountains. For the record, I am
writing this on a plane headed to Atlanta, so that technically could happen.
Then again, according to my 3rd grade geography class, I don’t
recall any mountains in the path of this flight.
Any way.
We often wait for the other shoe to drop because we don’t want
to fully feel the brunt of the potential negative or painful experience that is
inevitably, at least in our minds, coming this way. We have been fooled way too many times by the
positive tempo of life, only to be knocked down by the Karate Kid style
“sweeping of the leg”.
to fully feel the brunt of the potential negative or painful experience that is
inevitably, at least in our minds, coming this way. We have been fooled way too many times by the
positive tempo of life, only to be knocked down by the Karate Kid style
“sweeping of the leg”.
Fuck Cobra Kai
The perfect marriage-till he bangs the secretary. He loves you till he finds out you can’t have
kids-then leaves. She wakes up one
morning and is no longer in love with you.
Your older brother falls asleep and never wakes up again. Life will “sweep the leg”. It will rain on your parade. Yet, there is no real reason to live life
flinching and waiting for Johnny to get the body bag! (How many Karate Kid references is that now?)
kids-then leaves. She wakes up one
morning and is no longer in love with you.
Your older brother falls asleep and never wakes up again. Life will “sweep the leg”. It will rain on your parade. Yet, there is no real reason to live life
flinching and waiting for Johnny to get the body bag! (How many Karate Kid references is that now?)
Be a good person. Try harder. Do the best with the opportunities that are
there for the taking. Do a few more
things beyond what you feel you have the energy to do. We are all gonna die. In the end, you can’t take those experiences
with you, but with saying and doing the right things; you can make a terrific
life for yourself and others around you.
Remind yourself of all the good you have done and help others reaffirm
that they too should be proud. Stop for
just a moment and reflect. Help others
reflect too. People understand and
realize their successes when they are praised by others. There is more to this life than waiting for
the bumps in the road to end. Don’t live
like you are dying. Live like you are
living.
there for the taking. Do a few more
things beyond what you feel you have the energy to do. We are all gonna die. In the end, you can’t take those experiences
with you, but with saying and doing the right things; you can make a terrific
life for yourself and others around you.
Remind yourself of all the good you have done and help others reaffirm
that they too should be proud. Stop for
just a moment and reflect. Help others
reflect too. People understand and
realize their successes when they are praised by others. There is more to this life than waiting for
the bumps in the road to end. Don’t live
like you are dying. Live like you are
living.
One more thing. Wax
on. Wax off.
on. Wax off.
I got a plane ticket to Greenville, Sc
I don’t close myself off to the world as I write in public. My senses are actually heightened by the conversations that are happening around me. I try to focus on these interactions to see if there are any takeaways to be had; as I wait for the guy at the gate to crack the mic to remind me, again, that my flight has been pushed back for some reason.
There’s a lady talking about her trip to Seattle last month, a guy reading his wife’s Cosmo magazine, a group of young boys on a baseball team that look like a rowdy bunch, a girl dressed a little too sexy for air travel and a woman with her laptop open-looking at spreadsheets at 3pm on a Friday going into a 3 day holiday weekend. Seriously?
Then there’s this guy, banging on the screen of his iPad, writing his next book.
Before this blog starts to read like a Tracy Chapman song, where I write about all the things I see and throw a hook in about a fast car, I guess I should start to narrow in on the focus of this chapter.
Let the world around you influence you.
Not in a way where you blame all of your issues or problems on the world and use your influences as excuses, but more in a way to educate or possibly expose yourself to something that you normally would have ignored or missed because your face was buried in your Facebook page.
The people, the places, the overall atmosphere and the wrongful listening in on of other people’s conversations. If it wasn’t for my curiosity, I probably wouldn’t have written many of my previous offerings. If it wasn’t for the lessons, the insight or the inspiration spawned from people watching, I wouldn't have been able to challenge my brain to spin creative thoughts and ideas out of these little moments. If anything, in the past few years, I have become more sensitive to the world around me. Not like Brendan Fraser's character in the movie Bedazzled (have you seen this movie?), where he cries about every little sensitive life moment, but more of an awareness of my surroundings and a deeper appreciation for what is really happening all around me.
These events don't just create writing opportunities; they also provide little glimpses and takeaways of moments where I would have traditionally just blocked out the noise and excitement around me. I don’t have a fear of missing out, but rather a healthy curiosity of what the world is providing me at that very moment. By taking it all in, or at least as much as your attention span allows, you feed your brain and possibly open new doors of opportunity, thought and enlightenment.
Learning to communicate with others takes an awful lot of closed-mouth research and open observation. Not to break off too much “new age” or “hippie speak” on you, but you’d be amazed what you can accomplish by getting yourself in tune with the world around you. And no, I don’t do yoga….
Look up and listen. Things are happening.
Pick up Pull The Trigger here:
I don't want to be forgettable.
I don't want regrets.
I would like to think that I have made a lasting impression on others during my short time here on earth. If a bus hits me tomorrow, I feel confident that people would travel to pay their respects and mourn my passing. Not that this is a measure of a person or a life lived, but being honest here, nobody wants a weak attendance at their last big "performance".
My brother passed away over a year ago and I am still learning more about who he was to others. I shared bathtubs, bunk beds and clothes with him, but there were stories and things about him that I never knew till after he passed away. You often learn more about what kind of a person someone was after they leave this earth. Not because of a false legacy or because people want to feed you positive stories about the deceased, but because these stories come to light with their passing. These stories might just be simple stories while they are alive, but they take on a different significance once someone passes. Simple and sometimes uneventful stories get shared after people pass, because there is a need for the teller to share something, since the deceased has become more top of mind with their passing.
I'm sure I have enemies. I've been in fights. I've fired people and said things I'm not proud of saying. I'm not a perfect person, but I try to be someone that others want to be around and possibly respect. I want to do more and provide opportunities to those who invest their time and confidence with me. When I die, I would hope, beyond my wife and children, that I made a difference in someone's life. Yet, you never really know till you're dead, do ya? People may tell you that you influenced them, but they might not realize how much till you pass. They don't often erect statues or name buildings in your honor until you're dead. There's more to life than getting things named after you, but I think you understand the meaning and direction I was going with that.
In a few weeks, the movie "The Fault in Our Stars" comes out. I hadn't read the book, but I was given the opportunity to host a sneak preview of the movie the other night. I won't ruin the movie for anyone who wants to see it, but the film deals a lot with mortality and how people cope with the hand they were dealt. One of the characters in the film is going to die and he asks his friends to write a eulogy for him. Opposed to waiting till he dies, he makes them read them while he is still alive. I have often thought that this is the way we should treat life and death. Mean or nice, good or bad, we should live life with more clarity on our feelings for others. I want people to know how I feel about them and I would prefer for others to share their feelings towards me while I am still alive to appreciate those feelings. Too many missed chances and lost moments in this world due to the holding back of feelings.
How many people have you lost to death or distance that never knew how much you cared about them? Or how they cared about you? The grandparent, the parent, the sibling or the high school crush. They passed or moved on and never heard the words you meant to say or what they meant to you. One day, you too will parish. Will you die without regrets? My brother died knowing how much I loved him. I don't regret the things I said to him, because he was my brother and I meant every word, good or bad. I don't regret loving him as much as I did or mixing it up with him from time to time. My only regret is the amount of time that was taken from us and the life that I will continue to live, having one way conversations with myself, about him, instead of with him.
Try not to have regrets in life.
If you were a product, what promises would you make about yourself? What would be your campaign to get people to “like” or “purchase” you?
Put yourself in the position of being the next Pepsi of the world. How would you market yourself differently than all the sodas out there? (“pop” if you are reading this in the Midwest) You probably haven’t thought about it or compared yourself to a product on the shelves of a grocery store, but every day of your life you are marketing and selling yourself to others. Every day people are formulating an opinion of you and you are formulating an opinion of them. It’s natural. Nothing superficial about it.
“Selling” yourself is never easy. It is easier to hide behind a product or something that is attached to you, like a job or a company, than it is to put yourself out there for others to analyze and formulate opinions about. Conversely, when you get fired from that company, you want it to be because of personal reasons and not ability. It’s easier for us to digest that it was a personal problem for them and not due to a potential lack in skill or ability. Because, when it’s personal, you can make it about them and not you. You’re perfect. They are the ones with the issues. Right?
The other day a co-working asked me to write their online bio for them. This person even offered to pay me. I work with sales and marketing people all day and their job is to create and build relationships with clients and others in an effort to get those people to spend money with them. In the end, they are selling a product, but nobody wants to give their marketing budgets to someone they don’t like or trust. They initially need to sell themselves. Being likable and interesting helps to get your foot in the door of businesses and often you make your first connection through social media. That internet thing….everyone’s on it.
It’s hard to write about yourself. It often seems impossible to describe who you are in less than 160 characters. You have concerns like “Does this sentence make me sound like a dick” or “Do these descriptive words make me sound too boring”. There is a delicate balancing act that needs to happen between the two. People are experiencing you (like the first sip of a Pepsi) for the first time and you want to make a strong impression. This is true in business and in life. You want to make sure they understand who you are and what you’re all about, but you’re also concerned that you might be giving off the wrong impression.
My advice to you? Screw it. Don’t over think the damn thing. Fitting in and trying to be like everyone else will only make you forgettable.
I’m not going to write a bio for any of you. I will however try to steer you in the right direction. I’m not you-Pepsi. I’m Country Time lemonade. I don’t even drink soda! What do I know about you that you haven’t told me about yourself, knowingly and unknowingly? You know the benefits and ingredients that come with being you and you just might need to be pushed in the right direction of creating a self marketing campaign.
Start here! Write 10 down things that people don’t know about you. You may not use all of them, but they will get you thinking in the right direction. You like to cook, eat fire, tango dance, speak Chinese, deep sea dive, whittle, whatever. The stranger the better sometimes. These are your secret ingredients. Things that make you feel different are going to make you more interesting. The oddities that come with being you will actually make you more attractive to others and give them the confidence and willingness to share their oddities with you. These secret ingredients are going to be ice breakers for conversations and will help in your desire to stand out from the pack. There are lots of sodas out there, but you come with an ingredient that is way more interesting than the others! Smaller niches actually breed more involvement and interest. Don’t fear sharing these things about yourself. Embrace them and allow them to help your profile become more interesting.
You may discover that you are more exciting than you originally imagined, especially after other validate your differences by asking lots of questions about your lifestyle or hobby. You may also discover that you are not taking advantage of all the opportunities that life has given you and you need to push yourself outside of your comfort zone to learn and embrace new things. Only you can make that call, since others only see what you project.